Author Archives: Rob MacD

Error

Ever since George, on Seinfeld, came up with “Seven” as the name he’d like to call his child, the notion of coming up with an unusual name of my own has been percolating in the back of my head.

Lately, I’ve been coming back to ‘Error’ as a name. I realise it’s absolutley awful, but still, I come back to it. I don’t even think that, if one could discount the negative inherent in the word, it would be a good name, yet I’m fixated on it. It does have a celtic flavour to it, which is good if you’re into that. Perhaps if it was spelled differently, it might work better? Eihrrohr?

I think naming a child Eihrrohr would be about the worst thing you could do.

What unusual name would you name, or not name, a child?

The Whispering Wheel

This article is another of those stories about a promising and excellent, exciting alternative to the current motor vehicle engine. This time, it’s a Dutch company that’s created an in-wheel electric motor. Basically, the engine is in the wheels of the vehicle. In fact, the engine is the wheels of the vehicle. It’s supposed to reduce vehicle emissions by no less than 50 percent, and vehicle noise by 90 percent. Another small engine is required to produce the electrical energy required to supply the wheel engines. Read more at the link, above.

I always get excited when I read about these types of potential advancements, but they hardly ever materialize in any practical way. Nonetheless, I’m hopeful that this will succeed.

The Holidays are Go!

Enjoy fellowship, goodwill and turkey, y’all. And if you happen to get something to unwrap, all the better.

Free Family Circus!!!

Even though so many of them are anti-funny, the comics page lives on in many newspapers. There are many ways to view comics online, but here’s one of the better ones I’ve come across yet: The Houston Chronicle gives you the option to build your own comics page. Just go to this link and choose your favourites, as many as you want. Click the submit button, then a new page comes up.
Simply bookmark this new page and you’ll have a handy-dandy link to all your favourite comics, updated daily.

I Bet Those Lights’d Be Pretty

Once upon a time, for no real reason, I came up with a simple video sketch idea that might someday go in my huge as-yet-unproduced-sketch-comedy-show-that’ll-never-happen. Basically, it’s this feeble, old couple who drive around the city, looking at the Christmas lights. Only thing is, she doesn’t know how to drive, and he has a condition that doesn’t allow him to drive when it’s dark. So, they drive around at noon, and have to imagine what the lights would look like if it was dark.

Well, tonight, I was driving home from St. Catherines and, I must say, I was glad I’m allowed to drive at night. Because it was a gorgeous night to be driving, and so many of the houses along the way home looked fantastic. I was mightily impressed with both the quantity and quality of houses decorated.

This year, I Scrooged and didn’t bother to put up any lights or decorations outside the house. So, to those who made the effort this year to put up lights and such, I just want to say a big ‘Thank you’.

Chicago Cubs Defeat Miami Dolphins!!

Sorry, everyone who don’t care about sports, but here’s another (long-ish) sports post.

One of the reasons I like NFL football more than other sports is this: The season is only 16 games long and the competition is so close that practically every moment, every play of every game can make the difference between a successful (making the playoffs), and a disappointing year. In hockey and baseball, where the season is so long, and where the game is so fluid, it’s hard to define specific moments in specific games that could be considered potential season-breaking plays. An individual mistake or bad play in a regular season game in these sports doesn’t have the same potential impact on a season that a bad or missed play in football can.

Case in point: With one regular season game still to play, my favourite team, the Miami Dolphins are now mathematcially eliminated from the playoffs. At the beginning of the year, the Dolphins were considered by many to be one of the teams expected to make it to the Super Bowl. The disappointment at them not making it to the playoffs is indeed huge, but is made even greater when one theorises that, if only one or two plays this season had different outcomes, the Dolphins probably would still now be favoured to get to the Super Bowl. That is how close the competition is in the NFL. That is how important every play of every game is for a team’s success or failure. In the NFL, one or two plays in the entire season can make the difference between winning it all, or going home early. That is what makes every game in the NFL so important, and therefore, so exciting.

In the Dolphins very first game of the year, late in the game, there was a penalty (which, by the way, NFL officials admitted afterwards was the wrong call) called on the Dolphins that changed the outcome of that game. It is not really a stretch to say that this one penalty played a major role in causing the Dolphins to lose that game. All things the same for the rest of the season, if that penalty wasn’t called, the Dolphins would now be in the playoffs.

In a mid-season game, the one game that, in my opinion, changed the course of the season for both the Dolphins (for the worse) and the New England Patriots (for the better), two totally unexpected and unusual field goal misses by the Dolphins caused them to lose the game. If either of those field goals were made, the Dolphins would have won that game, and most likely would now have a first week playoff bye, and have home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. But they didn’t make either of those FG’s, and are now out of the playoffs.

(To take these suppositions even further, the reason the Dolphins missed those field goals is because the kicker had to kick from the dirt on the field, instead of from the natural grass. The reason there was dirt on the field is because the Florida Marlins [who share the stadium with the Dolphins] were still alive in the National League Championship Series. The reason the Marlins were still alive was because that guy in that game in Chicago reached out for the ball and kept Moises Alou from catching it. So, if Alou caught the ball, and the Cubs won that game, the baseball infield would have been removed from the playing field and Olindo Mare, the Dolphins very accurate field goal kicker, would have kicked at least one of those two field goals, and the Dolphins would have won that game, and would today have enough wins to be in the playoffs)

Of course, it’s all for nought, now. Woulda coulda shoulda means nothing. You are in a wheel-chair, Blanche, and the Dolphins are out of the playoffs.

Cox’N’Ducks

Or “Everything’s Ducky”.

Last night, I was out with Dave S and after a couple of pints, we decided if we could come up with a sure-fire terrible movie. One that was sure to flolp.

This is what we came up with (a couple of additions I’ve made this morning): Cox’N’Ducks is about a single mother, Sandy Cox (played by Posh Spice with voice over-dubbed by Elizabeth Taylor) and her two kids (Johnathon Lipnicki and that girl who was recently in those Pepsi tv ads, the Curley Sue type girl). A rich relative has died, and in his will, he bequeaths a large amount of money to the Cox family. Providing that they take care of a family of ducks for a defined period of time; and provided that they can spend a night in the haunted house.
The care-taking of the ducks takes its toll on the family and tensions are high. The night of the haunted house arrives and everyone is angry at each other. Various creepy things happen: a horse chase (or was it a nightmare!!), a talking dog and a talking cat (both voiced by Nathan Lane) who live in the house, set up traps to get the family to leave. And the appearance of the (animated) ghost of the rich relative (voice of Emeril), who gets the family to understand the true value of family, by having them look at how well the duck family gets along.
It’s the morning of the big duck inspection, duck inspector (Rowan Atkinson) arrives. One of the ducks is sick, however, and the Cox family asks the talking cat to dress up as the duck, to fool the inspector. In return, the Cox family will adopt the cat and dog. Cat agrees. The inspection occurs, ducks pass inspection, the Cox family wins the money. But more importantly, they learn the true value of family.

Can you make it worse?

Here’s Today’s Funeral Announcements

…suddenly, under the Lazy Susan in the kitchen of The Annekenstein Monster, on Sunday, December 14, 2003, of A. Pesky Mouse. Age one month.
Survived by Hopefully No Other Mouse. Hated nemesis of Resident Cat, Arista. Resting in the Green Compost Bin until Next Wednesday. Visiting hours anytime before that, if you’re into that kind of thing. Interment later in Island Waste Management Corporation’s Compost Facility.
In lieu of flowers, memorial donations can be made to help defray the cost of the mouse trap.

Ashes To The North Pole

My son is 10 years old. I am ready to give up the Santa Claus thing. I think he’s already given it up, but is smartly playing it because he theorises that it means more gifts.
So, how to find out he’s given up the jolly ghost without blowing it if he hasn’t? Any ideas?
When I was a kid, I don’t know how old exactly, but young enough to still believe, my older brothers stole my letter to Santa and took it outside. I followed, frantically trying to grab it back. My brothers held the letter out, and lighted it on fire. It burned to bits, the ashes floating here and there. I wailed. My brothers told me that this was the best way to get your letter to Santa. The ashes magically find their way to the North Pole.
I may have believed in Santa, but I knew a load of bull when I heard it. I knew there was no way to get all those ashes back together. How would Santa know I wanted a slinky if the ashes were strewn over our back yard? I wailed.

Well, I thought, this year, I’ll pull the same story on Cameron. I’ll threaten to burn his list. If he gets upset then I’ll know he still believes. If he doesn’t then chances are he’s beyond Santa.
Out in the yard we go, me with the little propane lighter, him with his list. I tell him we’re gonna burn his list. He doesn’t comprehend this, mostly, I assume, because it’s a ludicrous and foolish idea. So, I explain carefully the reason behind this technique of letter delivery. The ashes magically find their way to the North Pole. As I explain, I’m looking closely at his reactions to see him smirk or wink or anything that’ll clue me in to where he’s standing on Santa. Nothing. Nothing, that is, except “Cool, let’s torch it.”
Up it goes, in flames. No wailing. No worrying that his list won’t get to Santa.

There you have it. Proof he no longer believes.

Right?

Would I Be A Bad Juror?

I consider myself someone who is able to play devil’s advocate in most every situation. Whether it’s a situation of personal calamity, or something that doesn’t involve me in the least, I take a bit of pride in the fact that I can look at the situation from the other point of view. I can be objective.

When I saw the video of Hussein being swabbed, mouth open wide, red-aflame from the flashlight, I saw the emptiness, sadness, tiredness in his eyes and I felt bad for him. Yes, of course: He’s a murderer of the worst kind. He’s a human of the worst kind. He deserves punishment in the extreme. And, yes, I understand that the anguish, humiliation, fear, suffering that he was feeling at that time doesn’t come close to the angusih and suffering he and his torturers have forced countless Iraqis to endure.

Still, watching the video of that moment, I felt for the man. I guess seeing a Fallen Human, no matter how despicable he is, in such a moment of weakness, touches the humanity in me.