The Annekenstein Monster

The Grand Panjandrum of our artistic community was at it again.

Here’s the story, apparently true (and let’s say it is even if it isn’t):
The President Bush Girls and two Secret Service bodyguards, go to Freemans, a restaurant in NYC, to have dinner.  Maitre’d tells them the restaurant is full and would be for the next 4 years.
Patrons erupt in cheers and all order a round of shots.

Scene:  The Heavens
Lights up to reveal a few and sundry spirits, including God, lounging around on a cloud.  The Virgin Mary enters.
Virgin Mary:  Well, I’m thinking about making another appearance down on Earth.
God: Is that really necessary?  Do you really think it will help?
Virgin Mary:  The people need to be reassured.  Faith is wavering.  I can feel it.
God: (sigh)  Very well.  How will you manifest yourself?
Virgin Mary:  I’m going to show up on a grilled-cheese sandwich.
(pause)
God:  Grilled Cheese.
St. Peter:  That’s very “Warhol”. 
God: Wouldn’t an appearance as, you know, a flesh-and-bone human be more convincing?  Toss a miracle or two their way and voila, you got the majority of the world absolutely convinced in us.  Simple and easy.  In and out.
Thomas:  Yeah, that worked so well with Jesus.
God: In hindsight, I don’t think it was the best timing with Jesus.  Probably the different areas of the world were too isolated from one another two thousand years ago for an effective world-wide promotional campaign like that.
Mark:  That’s what I’ve been saying the last two thousand years!  I mean, Jesus gave good sound bites, but, really, who heard him when he was there?  A few thousand people at most, and the majority of them thought he was loco.  Even with all our work after his, uh, death, the word was slow to get out.  But now, with CNN and MSN Messenger , I really think a “Jesus Appears To Save Us All” headline would take off.  Like, globally.
Luke:  As long as it doesn’t get usurped by other headlines.  Robert Blake’s trial is coming up, you know.
Mark:  I could get working on a Powerpoint presentation, if you like?
God:  That won’t be necessary, Mark.  But thank you.
Virgin Mary: Well, I really think if I manifest as a visage on a grilled cheese sandwich, that’ll grab them good, too.
Luke (dismissive):  Yeah, that’d be good.
God:  Do it if you must, Virgin Mary.  It’s your call.
Virgin Mary:  Well, I will.  I’ll appear on a grilled cheese sandwich.
(Virgin Mary exits)
Luke:  She doesn’t really “get it”, does she.
Thomas:  She’s too…theatrical.
Mark:  Stunt appearances like that do more damage than good, God.  I mean, bleeding walls, cloud formations.  It’s ridiculous!
God: You know who I feel sorry for?  The poor schmucks who are unfortunate enough to see these images.  Get labelled as ‘nutso’ or ‘crazy’ and are ridiculed and persecuted for the rest of their Earth-bound lives.
Luke: All it’d take, God, for Earthly peace, is one smart visit from you.  Show ’em you’re serious, and – Bang! – we got, what, four BILLION new subscribers.  Guaranteed.
God:  Well…let’s just see how Virgin Mary’s grilled cheese sandwich works out.
Luke:  You’re the boss.
Lights down.

When I get older, losing my hair…
I bet Paul McCartney never thought, when he wrote "When I’m Sixty-Four", that he’d be head-lining the Pizza Hut Presents the Tostitos (Nothing Goes Better With Tostitos Than Pepsi) SuperBowl Fed-Ex Half-time Budweiser BudBowl Show, sponsored by The US Army (an army of One).   While I’m a huge Beatles fan, I am not such a fan that I am blinded by McCartney’s lack of popular music relevance for the past twenty years, and, therefore, I’m pretty blase about his appearance.  I can pretty much imagine exactly how the performance will go.  It won’t be exciting.  It may be fake-exciting, manufactured excitement.  But it won’t be exciting.
Obviously, the decision is a result of Janet Jackson’s boob job from last year.  They’re going Super-Safe this year.  But I’d love it if Paul would reach back into that history of his and resurrect some of the balls and brashness he and the other Beatles have shown.  I’d love him to do something with some raw punk attitude -like stopping in mid-performance, flash a big boner – let’s see if Paul Is Dead – to the whole world, flip a bird to the crowd and then walk off.
Actually, that would be awful.  Instead, let’s have him sing a medley of his hits (the more ‘rockier’ ones, please), including the first single from his (I must imagine he has one coming out in January) newest album.
Yawn.

So’s I’m watchin’, like, a few so-called ‘reality’ shows and thought I’d give my important opinion about them.
Let’s start with Tuesday night’s The Amazing Race 6
I’ve mentioned here before how much I love this show (although apparently I don’t love it enough to give referring links back to those previous mentions).  Tuesday last was the first episode of the 6th season of the show, and I expect it’s gonna be another good season.  I am a little troubled by the way it seems they seem to be focusing more on getting so-called ‘pretty people’ to be contestants.  Some good characters already:  the well-named Hellboy; Bolo (the monkey), the, um, professional wrestler; and Johnathon, whom I swear will (if he sticks around long enough) go down in the history of television as the most hated contestant ever.  Seriously, he is the worst.  Bile-tainted rage rises to my throat whenever he speaks, and it takes all my will-power not to scream and throw a fit at his obnoxiousness.
Yes, The Amazing Race 6 should be good.  Again.  It’s the best of the bunch, by far.

Thursday night gives me Survivor: Vanuatu.  It’s been an awful, boring season so far, and I expect it to continue as such.  Yet, I watch.  The women-against-the-men thing was immediately boring and has only percolated more boredom.  Other than Twyla, I really don’t give a shit about any of the players.  I kinda liked Sarge, but, well, he’s a guy so he’s gone.  That’s about it.  Oh, and I thought the "give the girls two chicken wings and force the guys to suck on discarded chicken wing bones" trick was one of the lowest moments of Survivor history.  And there’s been a lot of low moments.  Guess I’ll stick it out to the end.

Following Survivor is The Apprentice.  At the beginning of this season, I decided not to get involved this year.  But The Donald got me about five weeks ago and I’ve become hooked again.  I actually like this show (my desire not to watch it is based on my strange need to have Donald Trump not succeed with the show, I think).  And this year, I quite like Trump’s throw the rule-book out the window attitude.  Last night, he fired two contestants instead of the usual one.  He’s a loose cannon, that Trump, I tell’s ya.

Not a reality show, but it’s on Thursday nights, so I thought I’d end this post with a bit about ER.  I ignored the show the first few seasons, got heaviliy into it for a few more seasons.  Last season, I all but gave up on it as I didn’t really like the Luka and Carter in Aftrica thing.  This year, I swear, I’m only tuning in to see how terribly, callously and illegally the staff at the hospital treats their patients.   If I was a lawyer in Chicago, I’d get so rich on the lawsuits I’d bring against the doctors and students at this hospital.  Every week, they’re breaking some sort of code or law and people seem to die from their ‘reckless but caring’ attitude as much as they live.  This is, without doubt, the worst hospital I can imagine going to in America.

So’s I’m watchin’, like, a few so-called ‘reality’ shows and thought I’d give my important opinion about them.
Let’s start with Tuesday night’s The Amazing Race 6
I’ve mentioned here before how much I love this show (although apparently I don’t love it enough to give referring links back to those previous mentions).  Tuesday last was the first episode of the 6th season of the show, and I expect it’s gonna be another good season.  I am a little troubled by the way it seems they seem to be focusing more on getting so-called ‘pretty people’ to be contestants.  Some good characters already:  the well-named Hellboy; Bolo (the monkey), the, um, professional wrestler; and Johnathon, whom I swear will (if he sticks around long enough) go down in the history of television as the most hated contestant ever.  Seriously, he is the worst.  Bile-tainted rage rises to my throat whenever he speaks, and it takes all my will-power not to scream and throw a fit at his obnoxiousness.
Yes, The Amazing Race 6 should be good.  Again.  It’s the best of the bunch, by far.

Thursday night gives me Survivor: Vanuatu.  It’s been an awful, boring season so far, and I expect it to continue as such.  Yet, I watch.  The women-against-the-men thing was immediately boring and has only percolated more boredom.  Other than Twyla, I really don’t give a shit about any of the players.  I kinda liked Sarge, but, well, he’s a guy so he’s gone.  That’s about it.  Oh, and I thought the “give the girls two chicken wings and force the guys to suck on discarded chicken wing bones” trick was one of the lowest moments of Survivor history.  And there’s been a lot of low moments.  Guess I’ll stick it out to the end.

Following Survivor is The Apprentice.  At the beginning of this season, I decided not to get involved this year.  But The Donald got me about five weeks ago and I’ve become hooked again.  I actually like this show (my desire not to watch it is based on my strange need to have Donald Trump not succeed with the show, I think).  And this year, I quite like Trump’s throw the rule-book out the window attitude.  Last night, he fired two contestants instead of the usual one.  He’s a loose cannon, that Trump, I tell’s ya.

Not a reality show, but it’s on Thursday nights, so I thought I’d end this post with a bit about ER.  I ignored the show the first few seasons, got heaviliy into it for a few more seasons.  Last season, I all but gave up on it as I didn’t really like the Luka and Carter in Aftrica thing.  This year, I swear, I’m only tuning in to see how terribly, callously and illegally the staff at the hospital treats their patients.   If I was a lawyer in Chicago, I’d get so rich on the lawsuits I’d bring against the doctors and students at this hospital.  Every week, they’re breaking some sort of code or law and people seem to die from their ‘reckless but caring’ attitude as much as they live.  This is, without doubt, the worst hospital I can imagine going to in America.

I hope the denouement of my life doesn’t end up like so many Stephen King novels.

or

"Don’t think I ever saw those pants on you before, son."
"That’s because denouement."

I hope the denouement of my life doesn’t end up like so many Stephen King novels.

or

“Don’t think I ever saw those pants on you before, son.”
“That’s because denouement.”

I thought I had found the perfect shoulder bag to carry my notebooks, papers, scripts, pens, and most importanty, my cd/mp3 player.  I bought it at Chapters in Moncton a month or so ago.
It’s made of a tough feeling heavy nylon.  Lots of pockets, some zippered, some open, for all sorts and sizes of items, and a special cd player pocket with a special opening for the headphones wire.  Easy close velcro flap makes access to all a quick pull away.

Well, after using the bag for a while, my infatuation has been quickly diminishing.  First of all, I like a bag that maintains its rectangular shape, but this one kind of folds in to itself, so that it kind of hangs like a shapless blob.  This takes away from the ease of entry, since I have to kind of unfold the bag before I can open the velcroed flap.  Second, the velcro on the flap has begun to rip the inner fabric on the flap.   Now when I pull the velcro flap it simultaneously pulls against the tear on the flap and the  anti-velcro on the main bag side of the bag (if you know what I mean).

Those two faults may be enough to make me orphan the bag from everyday use.  Damn, and it had such potential.
I’ll have to see if I can repair the rip, and perhaps put something light and inflexible in the bag to help it keep its shape.

While I certainly don’t try to exclude the clerisy, I do try to write comedy sketches with the general public in mind.

or

"I don’t speak French.  Ask that lady what time it is here."
"Clerisy."