I’m getting a lot of buzz, it seems, about my fake candidacy under the banner of my fake party. At least two people have bothered to comment. It’s a start!! If they tell two people, and those two people tell two people and so on… well, i don’t really know the math for that (I did have an Island education, after all) but I’m guessing it adds up to more than five…
Anyway, on to today’s promise:
Today, I promise to offer free caddy lessons for every Islander.
Let’s face it. The dimples on golf balls are starting to prove more lucrative than the eyes on potatoes. My plan is to, within fifteen years, make the entire island, even the residential properties, nothing but golf courses. Think of how beautiful the Island will look with perfectly manicured fairways, putting greens and bunkers in every yard!! Potato fields replaced by Par 5’s… Estuaries will become water hazards. Sand dunes will be fantastically challenging sand traps. Not even the Plovers will be exempt.
As the number of rich Americans come to play the island, more and more caddy jobs will be needed. That’s where the majority of Islanders will reap their rewards. I’m not sure how much caddies make but it’s got to be more than minimum wage, right? Add tips on top of that (and remember to claim those tips, right? wink wink) and that’s a pretty sweet income for most of us. And I promise that training for everyone will be free.
Lots of chances for tourism opportunities too. How many people do you think will want to take on this challenge: Golf the entire Island – Par 14990 – in 4 months. Just imagine, rich americans here for a full 4 months, spending their money, as they golf the entire Island.