American Idol: Top Seven – Mariah Carey Night.

This is what I said, out loud, when I saw that it was going to be a Mariah Carey theme night on American Idol: “Ugh. This is gonna suck.”

And I was right. Man, I dislike the type of music Carey makes. Sure, the girls can sing those five octaves. I just wish she’d sing some good songs. Her crap is tailor-made for Idol: sappy, sentimental pap with all kinds of chances for the big notes and tons of vocal runs. Like I said: Ugh.

Anyway, here it is:

David Archuleta: Is it me, or are all his songs sounding the same now? Didn’t he sing this exact same song, like, the last three weeks? A really strong performance, granted, but your sound is stilted, David. I know it’s hard not to sing a crap song like this when the whole library is stock full of crap songs, so I’ll forgive you this week. But next week, you better sound different or else you’ll be in danger of winning this whole competition but boring me. What do you want, David? To win the competition, or entertain me. I don’t think you can do both. Pick wisely.

Carly Smithson: Was this a Mariah song? I thought it was Bonnie Tyler. Whomever it was, it made me realize that the height of Carly’s success will be reached when she sings some Bonnie Tyler-type song. That’s the upper limit she has to look forward to. A one-hit Bonnie Tyler power-note song full of 80’s melodrama and memorable melody. Who’s the modern-day Meatloaf? Maybe her second hit could be a duet with a modern-day Meatloaf. I cannot come up with a modern-day equivalent to Meatloaf and it’s making me sad. An okay performance, but I found it all a bit screechy. And she’s kinda boring.

Syesha Mercado: She sang some song and sang it okay, but for the love of life, I cannot remember a moment from her performance. Is she boring or was it the song? Both? Yep.

Brooke White: She’s our little bundle of psychoses. She *will* have a mental breakdown someday. She might as well have it on American Idol. Voyeuristically, therefore, I hope she lasts a few more weeks. She started out ok, but got nervous and scared halfway through and it caused her to rush and lose focus. (Same thing I think happened during her vaunted “Let It Be” performance forever-ago, but nobody seemed to care back then). You’re too delicate a nut to be under the scrutiny you’re under, Brooke.

Kristy Lee Cook: Boring. Please be gone.

David Cook: Okay, the only close-to entertaining performance so far. I still don’t like the sound of his voice, but I give him full marks for knowing exactly how to pull his sound out of all these songs. He is, as they say, ready for stardom now. Look for his CDs in the Sounds Like Daughtry / Nickelback aisle. You can look there, because I won’t be. I’m starting to like David more, though, as, you know, a human being.

Jason Castro: Jason is starting to, this week and last, be a bit more serious in his attitude towards what he’s singing. He’s taking it seriously, it seems. That’s a good thing. Of all the remaining contestants, he is really the only one I wonder what he’ll do each week. The rest are pretty much in their own box now, and give pretty much the performance we expect. Jason’s in his box too, but his box, I’m guessing, has a few interesting surprises in it.

So, boring was the main criticism for this week’s show. I don’t blame the singers so much as the songs. Ugh.

Bottom three: Brooke, Carly, Syesha.

Leaving: Carly

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