American Idol – Top Ten Review (is what I’m saying)

Motown night. 
All the niggaz in da house say “Yeah!”

So, yeah, it was Motown night, and Smokey Robinson was the mentor.  Smokey seems like a nice guy (on camera), but didn’t really seem to offer any musical insight for the competitors during the “sing for the mentor” clips, unless “it was perfect, don’t change a thing” can be called musical insight. (Hint: it can’t).
Here’a question:  Why, when introduced, do Randy and Kara enter stage right, and Paula and Simon enter stage left, when they have to criss-cross each other to get to their seats?  It seems to cause them much confusion and bumping-into-each-other, and waste’s time.
But wasting time is what this show excels at.

Onto the performances:
Matt “I Love You Man” Giraurd, (he looks like the guy from “I Love You, Man” is what I’m saying, not that I love him) sang “Let’s Get It On”.  Him at a piano. Singing quite nicely.  Then he gets up from the piano, and the quality of the song goes down hill.  Moving around seemed to cause him a lapse in focus.  So did the “bending down and touching the hands of the girls while I sing” move, which I”ve grown to despise from everyone who does it.  Concentrate on singing the friggin’ song, not on laying your healing hand on the masses.  Matt did a pretty good job, after all was sung and done.  I agree with the judges who consider him a front runner.

Kris “Queer As Folk” Allen (he looks like Hal Sparks is what I’m saying, not that he’s gay) sang “How Sweet It Is”. A pretty good job, him and his guitar, but really a rather unremarkable performance.  That’s what he is good at: unremarkable performances, and that should take him to Top 6 or there-abouts.

Scott “Pink Eye” McIntyre (he’s blind and he wore pink pants is what I’m saying) sang “You Can’t Hurry Love”.  I did not enjoy this performance.  This guy’s got to get out of his head and sing from the heart.  Isn’t that what I said last week?  Do I need to type it in braile?  Jeez!  Come on!  This might sound mean, because he’s blind, but I don’t like looking at his dead eyes as they flutter about the room, trying to find purchase on anything.  I’d be happy to see Scott leave tonight, but he won’t.

And who gave Paula the idea for the joke where she goes under the table because she wants to give Simon something, but it wasn’t a blowjob even though we were all thinking blowjob, and comes up with crayons and colouring books.  Yeah, Simon is childish.  But if you’d friggin’ listen to him instead of villifying every truthful thing he says, you’d be a much better judge, Paula.  Jeez!  Come on!

Megan “what the fuck” Joy (she’s such a what the fuck performer is what I’m saying) sang “For Once In My Life”.  It was awful.  Her problem is threefold: 1) she’s got an interesting voice that always sounds good in the more-intimiate rehearsal clips, but doesn’t transfer well to the big auditorium and with a full band situation; 2) she doesn’t trust herself enough to commit fully to what she’s doing; and 3) beauty will only get her so far.

Anoop “suddenly he’s boring” Desai (he used to be fun and cool and now he’s much less fun and less cool is what I’m saying) sang “Oooh Baby Baby”.  It was good and all, but a little on-the-nose in terms of interpretation. 

Michael “happy to have been in the Top Ten” Sarver (he basically admitted he no longer belongs in the competition is what I’m saying) sang “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg”.  He yelled it, more like.  What was missing from his performance was the passion behind what the lyrics imply (just like Smokey tried to tell him).  He smiley-smiled his way through it and it was not pleasant.  He should be going home tonight.

Lil “you can’t hear me because I’m yelling” Rounds (she yelled the song instead of singing it is what I’m saying) sang “Heat Wave”.  Like the judges said, she has a great voice, but with this song she had no way to show it off.  She came off as being too screamy.  Two not-great performances in a row.  Lil is becoming Lil’ler in my estimation.

Adam “I can be human too” Lambert (he showed that he was more than just the look and style that he’s branded himself as is what I’m saying) sang “tracks of my tears”.  Really great.  I was disappointed because I’ve chosen Adam to be my villain this year.  The judges love him, he has an undeniably impressive voice.  What I detest, though, is his look and his propensity to screech the higher/bigger notes instead of singing them.  But oh what screeching!  Anyway, tonight he brought out a new look, great suit, hair pompadoured nicely, and kept the song well toned down and gentle.  It was great.  Too bad, because I was hoping to pull out the new phrase I may have coined to describe Adam:  He’s an emo donna.  You know, a prima donna, but emo.   Emo Donna…  By far the best performance of the night.

Danny Gokey Jr. (he looks like Robert Downey jr. is what i’m saying) sang “get ready”.  A pretty good performance, but very much typical of what we come to expect from Danny.  Is his high quality consistency starting to become boring? Maybe.

Allison “I sucked my thumb until two years ago” Iraheta (her mouth is shaped liked a thumb-suckers mouth, and she’s so young is what I’m saying) sang “papa was a rolling stone”.  The judges went gaga over this but I was less impressed.  A good performance but kind of stumbly in places, and I found it didn’t really flow together all that well.  I think the judges were pimping her because they really want her to stick around as long as she can so the show doesn’t end up to be just a dick-wagging experience.

Adam was best by far.  Followed by Anoop, Danny, Matt and Allison.

I expect Michael will be leaving tonight, but won’t be surprised if Scott or Megan get the boot instead.

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