Rob’s American Idol Final 9 Review

This week’s “theme” was, as far as I can tell, “songs that have notes and words”.  Or, songs available on iTunes.  Well, officially, it was “popular downloads” on iTunes, but they never stipulated the rules for what “popular” means, so really it could have been anything.

I was hoping one of the contestants would pick a Chimp song, because, you know, Chimp’s Thundercrack! CD is available on iTunes.  Go seek it out.  You’ll love it.  Alas, nobody sang any Chimp.

Paula looked awful last night.  That dress made her hips look huge.  Just sayin’.

Anoop started it off by singing Usher’s “Caught Up”.  I don’t know this song, and Anoop’s version of it did very little for me.  The 3 fake judges gave their usual blah-blah critiques, and Simon said it gave him a headache.  I find that hard to believe, Simon.   And if it’s true, you should get that ailment checked out by a doctor.  I’d suggest the doctor who prescribes Paula whatever pills she’s always obviously on.  I used to like Anoop, but lately he doesn’t seem to know who he is.  And his rebuttals of the judges opinions last night didn’t become him.

By the way, I officially *hate* Kara.  She has no sense of humour.  And if I hear her say “instead of the song you sang, you should have sung {whatever song} or {another whatever song}.”  That’s her thing:  telling the contestants that they need to invent a time machine to go back in time and pick a different song.  Also, Kara, stop fighting with people.  Last night she got into an argument with some guy in the audience who yelled (i forget the exact phrase, but its meaning was “you always say the same boring thing, you’re boring”) something.  The altercation ended with Kara whining to him “I’d like to see you get up here and do this” or something to that effect.  If he was replacing you, Kara, then so would I.  So would I.

Megan sang Bob Marley/Lauren Hill’s “Turn Your Lights Down Low”.  Another song I wasn’t very familar with.  The chorus rang a bell.  I want to like Megan, but I can’t. I’ve given up on her and want her gone.  Her problem is that she doesn’t believe in what she’s singing.  It’s like she’s apologizing as she sings.  No confidence in, and not enough control of, her voice.  The judges all disliked her performance.  Me too.

Danny sang “What Hurts the Most” by Rascal Flatts.  I don’t know this song at all, but Danny did a good job with it, I guess.  He seemed to find the emotion within it, and sang well. I was expecting someone to comment on how the lyrics could have been applied to his dead wife, except instead of the “you left me” lyrics, she died.  I’m glad nobody brought that up.  A good performance.

Allison sang No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak”.  I didn’t like this as much as the judges did.  Although I wasn’t as bothered by her outfit as the judges were.  I didn’t think her guitar playing added anything to the performance, and after she abandoned playing it, the guitar was an albatross around her neck.  i found that she kind of shouted many of her notes, was rushing through the song, and basically wasn’t present enough in her performance.  Not bad, but not great.  Paula tried to be cool by mentioning Allison’s axe.  Paula failed in her attempt to be cool.

Scott sang “Don’t Go Changing” by Billy Joel.  This was the song that proved to me that the contestants could pick any song they wanted.  This was Scott’s best performance to date, but it still felt empty and bland.  Also, I’m sick of cut away shots to his ugly sister.  What?  She’s ugly.  Oh, so what.  She’s practically blind, it’s not like she’s going to read this.  And if someone reads it to her, then that’s their fault not mine.  I’m just sayin’ it like I see it.  Scott’s sister is ugly. Also, Scott can not look contemporay or cool while he has that curly Art Garfunkel hair.  There is no way to make Scott look cool.  Also, his piano playing is unspectacular.  Paula gets into some catch-22 sentence about how when he sings she forgets about his blindness, but she’d need to be cognizant of his blindness in order to forget about it. Besides, why do they keep insinuating that it’s wonderful what he’s doing even though he’s blind.  It’s not like he’s the first blind person to sing and play the piano.

Matt sang The Fray’s “You Found Me”, another song I wasn’t that familiar with.  I liked it more than the judges did, but I’m not listening to him with the “can we make millions of dollars off this person” ears that the judges hear with.  Not one of Matt’s best nights, wonder if he’s in trouble after last week’s surprise “bottom three” selection.

Lil sang “I surrender” by Celine Dion.  I did not like this song or performance.  Lil looked a million years old, and her dress reminded my of Fat Aretha Franklin, what with emphasizing the big butt and ample bosoms, but not in a sexy way, but a fat way.  Lil looked really weird as she sang, too, kinda like a hungry baby bird.  The judges mostly liked it, but Simon was on my page by saying it was like a wedding performance.  Then there was the weird thing where Ryan asked Lil’s kids if they wanted to punch Randy.  What?  The?  Fuck?  Was?  That?  Seriously.  What was that all about?

Adam sang “Play That Funky Music”.  It cannot be argued that he has an amazing voice, of which he has incredible control, and that he’s got great stage presence, can play the crowd, and presents inventive versions of the songs he sings.  However, I find the guy too show-offy.  Yep.  Too show-offy.  Last night seemed to be pretty much a “watch this, everyone. Isn’t it great!!” performance.  Not as good as the judges creamed their jeans over.  And Paula, everyone in the world recognizes that you had that little “Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, and Adam Lambert” speech prepared and memorized.  Boo on you for doing that.

Kris Allen sang “Ain’t No Sunshine”, and it was the performance of the night.  Very good, and the first time, for me, that Kris seemed to own the stage.  Our little boy is growing up!

Best of the night, in order: Kris, Danny, Adam, Allison…

My least favourites:  Megan, Anoop, Lil.

I’d like to see Scott, Megan and Anoop in the bottom three, with Scott going home.  That won’t happen though.  I expect Matt, Megan or Anoop will leave the show (but be on the summer tour!!)

Whatevs.

1 Comment

  1. nize idol round-up, rob. you made me LOL. yah, scott’s sib is def fugly. when scott performs, all i can see/think of is kevin macdonald from “kids in the hall” for some reason…. it must be the curly hair???

    Like

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