Inmates and Deceased Get H1N1 Vaccine Shots Before PEI School Children

CHARLOTTETOWN – The furor continues.  Plans to vaccinate P.E.I children for the swine flu have been put on hold because of a national shortage of vaccine, but Island inmates will continue getting theirs.  And now it’s been reported that the recently deceased will also get swine flu shots before children receive theirs.
Parents and the living are livid.  However, Dr. Heather Morrison, the province’s chief health officer, said inmates are considered a priority group because they are in a closed facility.  As for the recently deceased, Morrison said “they’re also considered a priority group because you can’t get a more closed facility than a coffin.”
But not everyone is outraged at inmates and the dead receiving shots before children.
“I thought it was great news”, said Edgar McKenzie, who recently died after a long battle with cancer.  “I was too sick to go stand in the lines to get my shot, but now that I’m dead, I get to go to the front of the line.  Hopefully, someone’ll carry me there. Yeah, it’s too bad for the children, I suppose, but then again, I’m dead.  I mean, that’s pretty serious.”
Another person who is perfectly fine with the way the vaccine is being priortized is Madeline Arsenault.  Her son, Lonnie Arsenault, recently died in the Sleepy Hollow Provincial Correctional Facility.  “He was in there for hitting his wife and what not, but she’s an awful thing, her,” says Arsenault.  “Anyways, he died in there, and so now he gets two shots.  One for being an inmate and one for being dead.  He’s not going to get the swine flu now.  And we was worried he was right at risk, because Lonnie sure liked to fornicate with the pigs.”
Officials are advising parents of school age children that if they are truly worried about their children contracting the swine flu, they do have options.  “Get your kids to steal something.  Or, killing them would be good too,” advises Morrison.

1 Comment

  1. J-ro says:

    Dear Annekenstein Monster,
    If somebody dies from H1N1, does the shot cure them? Or is it only useful in the prevention of the virus? I don’t have the virus. But I am considering contracting it. Of course, only if the post-mortem shot restores people back to perfect health and life after it is administered. Any information on this would be appreciated.
    And thank you for the first encouraging piece of news on this pandemic. The Harper government has got to learn that scare tactics are not an effective way to deal with this pandemic. Just because it’s a pandemic, doesn’t mean Canadians should panic. Again, to reinforce my pandemic, the last three words of that last sentence were:
    Canadians should panic.
    Pandemically yours,
    Jason Rogerson


Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s