A few days ago, I thought it would be fun to ask a handful of stupid questions to any Facebook friends who wanted to answer them. I didn’t know what the questions would be, before I started writing them, or that they’d even be necessarily stupid.
What I’m saying is: I didn’t put a lot of thought into this.
I was expecting maybe two or three people agreeing to do it.
Turns out there was a pile of interest in participating. I had to cut off requests to play after I got about 20 responses.
As a result, it took me far too much energy and effort than I anticipated to compile the answers and results, which I have included below.
As a means of anonymity, I have not included the names of those who responded, but there might be answers that allow people to figure out who is who.
Lots of great answers, though. So that made it worth it.
Thanks to everyone who took time to respond.
- I would be slightly more tall than I am right now, because that seems like fun.
- Preferably somewhere betwixt pretty tall and imposing tall
- Reasonably tall.
- The height I am now, so my pants will not be too short.
- A few good ones.
- I would like to be many tall. More tall than I am now (appreciate this follows the incorrect usage of the word “tall”)
- I am my ideal height. Although I would like to be 100 feet tall for a while, maybe a few hours.
- All of the tall or no tall at all.
- not a tall (I enjoyed the cleverness of this answer)
- Just the tall I am
- I think I’d be a regular tall amount. Like, 72 inches.
- As tall as I was when I was 10 and would wear my roller skates in the house when my parents weren’t home. I’ve never felt taller in my life. (I want to see a short film based on this answer)
- whatever gets me two hand dunking easily.
- I would be tall enough to reach all the things from upper shelves and no longer be forced to rely on the kindness of strangers at the Superstore. Also, I think I would have a killer bod if I were same weight but six inches taller.
- 6 foot 2
- 6 foot 2
- Who’d want to be tall at all? Air is too thin up there.
- I would probably be third tallest. Enough to earn a medal, but not too much to be boastful. (like this one as well)
(I was curious to see if anyone would react to the non-questionability of this question. A few did)
- This dog Is me|
- Sorry, fresh out of shits to give.
- Is this a question?
- What is a ‘a sad beginning to a short story’, Alex. (like how this response provides the question to my non-question answer. Very Jeopardy, indeed)
- There is no question. I hope the poor puppy finds some friends
- Sounds familiar.
- Hey puppy… get out of the forest.
- not a question
- good luck puppy (I like this answer)
- Pick up that ball of love and bring it home.
- This is not a question, but a statement. I feel bad for the puppy, though. I’ll help it out.
- You made that up.
- not sure the question, but we rescued a six yr old dog 3 yrs ago so I guess the answer is yes I would.
- This is why people have cats.
- I hope it finds what it’s looking for.
- this is not a question
- Forest puppies grow up to be coywolves. Beware of puppy dog eyes.
- That’s not a question, although it does raise a number of further questions.
- That’s not really a question
- Aren’t we all?
- Leaving it there
3) Which number do you like more, 6 or 14? And, if so, why?
(The majority chose 14
- 14, because it seems to have its shit together
- 14 is the number of Hockey player former narcotics enthusiast Theo Fluery whom I love, so 14
- 14, because I like anything with a 4.
- 14 cause it is 2 larger than a dozen.
- I don’t like either more.
- Depends…if it’s dollars, I prefer 14. If it’s the interest rate, I prefer 6 (really hedging your bets there. I like it!!)
- 6. It’s just simpler. Six is a great word. I would name a child Six, never Fourteen. Also, I lived in Toronto for a while, and mostly liked it.
- 6… because 14 is a jerk.
- I love all my numbers equally(but between you and me my fav is 100045)
- 14 is more numberier (I think that is a Number Wang!!)
- 14 I think 14 is sexier, not sure why and no I’m not a pedo. (this answer got dark pretty quick at the end there)
- Six. Nobody likes teenagers that much.
- 14, because it’s closer to 17.
- 14, only because I can think of more Leafs with that number than sixes (although six is probably closer to the number of Leafs fans who can remember them winning the Cup)
- Even numbers make me uncomfortable.
- 14, because it’s 7 two times, and I love the number 7, so it’s twice the love, and love is always the answer. Or so I’ve heard.
- 6..i hate complex numbers
- 14 is probably where I’m emotionally stuck so I’ll take. Wah.
- I’m still thinking about that poor puppy. (this made me laugh)
- 6, less to write
- 14 because it’s more comfortable
- 14. It seems like it would win in a fight, and I respect that. (I think six would be quicker, but 14 would have more powerful blows, if they could land)
- I know right?
- Years of Parental Neglect mixed with an ever dwindling societal safety net have left him angry. Also Bacardi Makes him mean
- I dare you to ask him.
- I don’t know, I wouldn’t wanna be him.
- I know. Like, what’s his *deal*.
- I’m not sure…he’s always been a bit off
- Oh, he’s not so bad.
- He got all of the tall, from question 1. Wait… does this questionnaire grant wishes… like a genie?
- Rob this is 2016 you can’t ask that question
- he thinks he’s some big
- Narsasistic personality disorder, it’s my arm chair diagnosis for a world rampant with a-holes.
- Little big man syndrome.
- He’s alright once you get to know him.
- *that* guy? Doesn’t know the difference between geocaching and Pokemon go.
- Entitled jerk, total prick. And you should hear him in meetings….fuck that guy. (I think we all hear that guy in meetings)
- His arrogance disguises his feelings of inferiority.
- he’s a dick. he craves attention. i wish throat punching was legal
- I think his mother’s not well, let’s give him space. He’ll come around. (now I feel bad)
- I have no idea, but I wish he’d get his s#it together!
- I think he’s like Americans and British humour; he just doesn’t get it.
- he’s not in my friend circle, and never will be.
(lots of great stories here!)
- I would have to imagine that a tour of a sausage factory would be rather boring; just a bunch of people in white jumpsuits handling meat. I suppose in olden times it might have been disgusting, but i think it’s probably an idiom lost to time.
- As Maureen stared into the percolating sunset, a deep swell of ennui as thick and soupy as the soupiest thick soup you ever tasted, whirled inside her, making her feel sad and also vaguely hungry, hungry for more – a snippet from my upcoming Novella “Whom and How: A Tale Told Through Love’
- I went to a strip club on a Tuesday night. Strippers were kind of lame, so a friend put a $20 bill in his mount and laid on stage. The stripper strutted toward him, bent down, mounted his face, and grabbed the bill with her vagina. I love Ottawa.
- Once upon a time there three Pokemon Hunters who wanted to evolve an Evee but couldn’t find enough balls to catch them. So they went down to Victoria Park and ran around in circles for hours and hour but with all the lures they wasted every ball the managed to get at the stops and wasted nothing but time.
- Steve started it. He contacted Bill and they began their annual conversations at a music festival, incognito thanks to Rastafarian wigs, sunglasses and leather vests. Eventually they invited others: Jeff, Arianna, Mark. Carly tried it, hated it, left. This year Meg’s shoulders featured elaborate temporary tattoos, and Rudy showed off pierced nipples, a tie-dyed skirt slung low on his hips.
- I took my cat to the vet today after he was whining and crying. It turns out that he had a U.T.I. He’s better now, but still groggy and appears to still be under the effects of the sedation.
- My mom cut my hair until grade six, when a substitute teacher used my haircut as an example of what the Beatles haircuts looked like. I was totally embarrassed, and demanded a professional cut. I wanted to be cooler than the Beatles.
- Seriously… if this questionnaire grants wishes… I have a few. Is it 3 wishes or is that only an in the lamp genie kind of thing? For my first wish, I want all of the tall, as previously mentioned. For my second wish… well… I’m feeling frivolous… please feed that damn puppy and give it a good family. Who ever said that Draper doesn’t care? What to do for my final wish? Oh right… I’m supposed to be telling a story. Man, I wish that this part would be over with so I could grab a coffee. NO! Wait! That wasn’t my final…
- Gendal was beggar, one who didn’t take shit from anyone. One day Gendal was begging on 24th street when 9/11 happened. Thats all i got
- i always wanted to go to space. Never thought they’d take me, yet I applied about ten times for the mission to Alpha Centauri 8 out of some sense of dogged optimism. Last week I got the call. I am mostly ballast for the ship but what the hell? Just looking around the cockpit for the radio. Theres the button….OH SHIT
- How about the time I went to NY and everyone warned my to be careful while I was there and while I was gone my roomie got embroiled in a drug scam/murder and when I came home the south American cartel kept showing up looking for my roomie. Yes it was scary.
- I can’t tell you any stories… I don’t know how secure and anonymous my answers will be. Like, it won’t end up on the Internet will it?
- At the pharmacy this evening the friendly woman behind the counter offered Scarlet and Julian each a piece of Dubble Bubble (she then made a notation on a sheet of paper where she was obviously tracking numbers of gum going out – presumably to pay for it at the end of her shift, but what do I know?). They thanked her and we left each of them unwrapping their gum and beginning to chew it. I’m not sure Julian has had gum before and he seemed quite content to chew on half of it while holding the other half in his hand. They happily chewed away trying to blow bubbles while we made our way home, until at one point Julian reached over to me with his half of still un-chewed gum and said “Here Mom, you have this.”. So I took it from him and instinctively popped it into my mouth and began instantly to chew it. It was at this moment I realized my mistake. He had only intended for me to hold it. He cried and screamed and I attempted to smoosh it back into a square shape to appease him. It didn’t work. The only agreement we could come to was that I would piggy back him the entire way home and then work on getting the gum back into shape. By the time we made our way home he informed me I could keep it because “It was really gross.”.
- a few yrs ago I thought I shit myself during a prostate exam, and I couldn’t stop apologizing for doing so. I didn’t though, it was the gel the doctor uses. We were both glad when appointment was over.
- There was once a steaming pile of poop on the floor. I was asked to clean it up. After carefully weighing my options, I agreed to the task – but first made an agreement that one day I would ask for a return favour.
- There’s a well in the woods that fell to ill use and eventually became forgotten. Jim thought it a good hiding place, so when he heard Angie count to ten, he jumped in. Undiscovered by the girl, and shortly after by a search party, Jim lived for almost three years by drinking muddy water and eating algae from the walls.
- see 6
- Once up a time there was an angry blue jay. He lost all his head feathers. That’s why
he was angry. They grew back. He’s OK now.
- ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, thought Jeremy, but this board with a nail in it will teach Isaac to keep his big mouth shut. Isaac, known for his quick temper, thought wisely to bring his dad’s hunting knife with him. When the news of their encounter broke out the next day, no one was surprised that the police quickly apprehended both the children.
- I’m buying a house because my idiot landlord moved in a drug dealer and won’t kick him out (I know that’s not 60 words. I’m a baker not an author)
- The two best places to meet people in PEI are the Farmers Market and Victoria Row in the summer. As a result, my nieces from Boston think I must know everyone on PEI. You just dont meet people like that in Boston. Walking down Victoria Row one lovely evening, we encountered Bill McFadden who went down on one knee and recited Romeo’s balcony speech to my niece Isabelle.
- One day a little boy walked into a saloon. It was filled with all sorts of criminal scum. The little boy asked the room if anyone was brave enough to duel him. The criminals laughed, but none spoke up. The boy asked again, but this time no laughter. The men stood silently, looked round at eachother, hoping someone else would speak up. Finally, after some time had passed, the boy called them all pussies, walked out of the saloon, barred the swinging doors and burned the saloon down.
- I don’t believe in the death penalty, in any way shape or form.
- I would say any man over six feet tall is pushing his luck (duly noted)
- At last resort, yes.
- As long as the can float up in the clouds… What if jets run into them, but they will run into the dead bodies too so if they try to avoid jets it is best to let them live.
- No…just locked up. Or better yet, leave them alone!
- If they came down from their cloud, and started attacking us, then I think we could justify killing them. But if we went up there and murdered them, then we’d obviously be the assholes. Not sure who was at fault in the Jack incident.
- Nah… no killing. I think that we should take a page from Toupee Trump’s book and build a wall… but not just any wall… a mirrored wall, so that them murderous behemoths can see how ugly they are. Yep. Sorry to blow up your inbox. I’m at work and sneaking in my answers between supervisor glances. 😛 To be continued.
- No I think we should adapt, and for once not make a big deal out of a small bean
- need a bigger sample than one to determine class characteristics. I wouldn’t assume theyre all bad
- If they were the snacking on human variety like in Jack and the Bean Stalk might be wise to make a preemptive strike.
- No. Well… maybe. Depends on what part(s) of “humanity”.
- I don’t think it matters what I think. They would be murdered regardless.
- if they are harmful to us? Then hell yeah, hot water and baby oil ’em to death.
- If humanity kills giants who are harmful, how will other giants learn that they shouldn’t harm humanity? They will see us as murderers deserving ill treatment. I say kill the giants with love bombs.
- Only if they make contact with us or vice versa.
- yes i do. however the entire attack should be made into a movie. Michael Bay only
- Back off on the prescription drugs, Rob. I mean giants in clouds? What are you on about anyway?
- not if I’m the third tallest
- How come the giants never fell through the clouds? There would be alot of craters if they did!
- Maybe they could be rehabilitated.
- I would not believe they should be murdered, however, I would want them to be murdered.
(Can you guess which Facebook friend is which, based on these responses?)
Random Respondent #3
Most Like: Andrew Garfield
Least Like: Beyonce
Random Respondent #4
Look like John Candy and don’t at all look like Shania Twain
Most Like: Jason Bateman
Least Like: Moon-Geun Young
Random Respondent #6
Most Like: Toby Maguire. Least Like: Steve Buscemi
Random Respondent #7
Matt Rainnie once called me PEI’s Mark Ruffalo, still not sure if that was a compliment. I look nothing like Orlando Bloom.
Random Respondent #8
I think that I look the most like this guy, right here:
But I definitely don’t look like this guy, right here:
Random Respondent #11
Least Like: well I really don’t look like Marilyn Manson.
Random Respondent #12
Kiefer Sutherland, Jim Gaffigan… something like that.
Random Respondent #13
Most Like: Angelina Jolie http://www.forbes.com/lists/2010/53/celeb-100-10_Angelina-Jolie_T5SH.html
Least Like: Angelina Jolie https://www.theguardian.com/film/2015/nov/29/angelina-jolie-pit-i-am-on-fire-on-the-inside
Random Respondent #14
I used to get Regis philbin yrs ago, which was weird cause I was in my 20’s and 30’s and he is 100. I’m now 43 and haven’t heard this in yrs so one of us must have levelled off.
Random Respondent #15
Most Like: Pamela Adlon (once described as a sexy smurf)
Least Like: Gwyneth Paltrow (tall, thin, blond, vegan, ethereal
Random Respondent #16
Most Like: Matt Lucas from “Little Britain”, if I shaved.
Least Like: Bai Ling
Random Respondent #17
Ewan McGregor. Cher. You don’t need a hyperlink to imagine either 😉
Random Respondent #18
I’ve been told I resemble a young David Bowie
never been mistaken for Mickey Rooney
Random Respondent #19
Most Like: Hugh Laurie
Least Like: Scarlett Johannsen
Random Respondent #20
I would like to think I look like Audrey Hepburn (or I did 20 years ago)
I don’t think I look like Matt Smith at all
Random Respondent #21
Most Like: Daniel Craig (my phone won’t let me paste links for some reason)
Least Like: Whoopi Goldberg
(surprised at the number of Trump answers here. And the number of “poop” references)
- My twenties were a time of never ending aghastment, For instance 8/11, also of note, every date I have ever been on
- I have, actually. I think it was when Taylor Carver started doing his stand up set during a popalopalots show, before I realised it was a bit. (and, conversely, I was aghast at those who were aghast)
- I don’t think so.
- Trump. Do I really have to explain
- I don’t think so. Probably.
- Baffled how Donald Trump stands a chance in the upcoming election…
- Trump probably. I think I felt aghast every time he won a primary.
- I was aghast something once… do you want an image or hyperlink for that too? I saw this poster in a bathroom once and I truly believed that Jeff Goldblum was somewhere in there with me… watching me poop. I was aghast.
- I’m aghast Everytime I have to change my daughter’s poopy diaper
- one time a lady in a fur coat called my colleague Masood a piece of shit for asking if she had any change in direction for her prescription
- Aghast? Probably. Like a kid in a stroller with pop in its baby bottle, and eating Cheetos.
- Most every day I think
- yes, and no I don’t.
- Yes. I’ve practically made a career of it
- Yes. Two words: theatre, unicorn. (the best worst moments in Island theatre, maybe ever)
- Seeing Stephen Harper at the Farmer’s Mkt, invited him to Gay Pride.
- Every day through the summer I thought Donald Trump had reached bottom, but then the next day he find some place even further down.
- I once overslept for school by three hours. I was quite shocked, but also somewhat bemused. I was already late so I just walked to school.
- I’m sickened by the abundance of apathy in my community these days! (I would be too, but can’t really be bothered)
- I was absolutely aghast when I looked up from my breakfast to see my Japanese student adjusting a surgical mask on her face to wear to school.
- Becca Griffin’s old Facebook profile picture. She had the Prince Street fire in the back and made some joke about her red hair. Someone died in that fire.
(Dirty Dog = 6, Cool Cat = 9, Chicky Baby = 4)
Image of reference, for those who didn’t get the reference:
- Depressed Duck
- Chicky Baby, no question.
- Dirty Dog
- Dirty Cat Baby!
- Cool Cat
- Cool cat
- Cool Cat
- Is that code for something? Is it a song lyric? Is someone propositioning me? All three? Was that right?
- dirty dog, I think?
- cool cat
- Cool Cat.
- Dirty Dog
- cool cat sounds the best, but I feel like a dirty dog more than a chicky baby
- chicky baby for sure
- Chicky Babe.
- Cool Cat
- Get down and get dirty dog.
- I’ll take Dirty Dog because I can’t think of anything funny to say right now.
- Cool Cat.
- Cool Cat for the win
- Chicky Baby
- Q: Taylor How Do you do it? A: Why Not?
- Q: What’s you’re favourite part of Grease? A: The part in “You’re the One That I Want” where they run through a random carnival. (I love the randomness of this question)
- Q: Who’s glad to be home? A: ME.
- Q: Why? A: Because!
- Q: Ya know what? A: Chicken butt. (classic!!)
- A: why yes, I’d love a Cinnamon roll before supper (super impressed that you didn’t include the question, and only provided the answer)
- Me:How’s it going? Other Me:Pretty good I guess, I’m not super stoked with my work life right now, but overall I feel like I’m in a pretty good place most of the time. Me: Just say “not too bad.” Other Me: (sigh) Not too bad.
- Q: Do I feel like I wasted Rob’s time? A: Maybe… but it was fun (fun enough, I guess)
- Q: what’s the Answer to the ultimate question? A: 42(nailed it!)
- Q: who do you think you are lady? A: who ever the fuck i want to be
- Q: Why do you answer things like this? A: I am curious and participatory.
- Q: Why am I taking the time to do this? A: Because there are other much more pressing things I should be doing.
- Q: will I hit BK for Whopper Wednesday tomorrow? A: Yes, hit it like it owes me money.
- Q: Do I need to have a shower this morning before I head to town? A: Nah, you’re good.
- Q: What word best describes you? A: Here.
- Q & A: It is time for bed, yes it is.
- Q: What happens when the indestructible collides with the immovable? A: Everything and nothing.
- Q: To reference the Black Eyed Peas for a moment, what *will* Fergie do with all that junk, all that junk inside her trunk? A: Donate it to the humane society would be nice
- Q: What is the meaning of life?? A: 42!!
- Q: To tree, or not to tree? A: Not to tree.
- Q: If you could go back in time, what would you change? A: I would travel all over the world before getting tied down to a mortgage. (kudos on not mentioning “kill Hitler”)