Back in the Annekenstein years (1991-1997) – I think it was our 2nd last year, so perhaps 1996, at Myron’s – we did a recurring sketch called “Anne Auditions”, where “famous” Islanders would audition for parts in Anne of Green Gables the Musical. (I played Premiere Catherine Callbeck auditioning for the role of Marilla).
One of the instances featured Kevin ‘Boomer” Gallant (played wonderfully by Ed Rashed) auditioning.
Since Boomer’s retiring from the airwaves this week, I thought I’d post the script here.
Enter Kevin ‘Boomer’ Gallant to an empty stage with a single light
State your name.
Hi, there! I’m Kevin ‘Boomer’ Gallant, coming to you tonight from the Mainstage of the Confederation Centre where they’re getting ready for their upcoming season of theatrical productions. Well, it was a beautiful day across the Island today, and we can expect more of the same for the next two or three days. How was the weather where you lived?
Good. What theatrical experience do you have?
Well, I did some community plays when I used to live up north in Yellowknife. I also performed in Tampa in that play about Sidney Poitier and the degrees of separation. What was the name of that Sidney Poitier play I was in, down in Tampa?… Oh, yeah, down in Tampa, a cool six degrees…. Of separation.
What role are you auditioning for this evening?
The role I’d like is one I’ve created for myself. His name’s Boomer. He’s the track announcer for the three legged race at the Sunday school picnic.
We’re not interested in new characters.
Just listen to this: ‘It’s Post Time! Heeeeeeere they come! They’re off! And Anne Shirley and Diana Barry set the pace, leading by a braid, followed in second by Gilbert and Josie Pye, third is Moody Spurgeon MacPherson and Gertie Pye, with Mr. Philips and Prissy Andrews quickly falling off the pace and trailing. They’re at the three quarters in seventeen and three, with Anne and Diana in the lead, here comes Gilbert and Josie with Moody and Gertie tripping up. Phillips and Prissy are way back in the bushes, out of contention. Coming down the final straight, it’s Anne and Diana, with Gilbert and J
osie Pye catching up. Here comes Gilbert and Josie Pye, coming strong, they’re neck to neck on the final stretch, Gilbert and Josie Pye have taken the lead. It’s Gilbert and Josie Pye coming down to the wire, with Anne and Diana a close second. Oh, my God! Gilbert and Josie Pye pull up lame and fall, Anne and Diana cross the line in twenty six and four tenths!… It’s Anne and Diana winning!….Unofficial results of the three legged race have Anne and Diana first, with no one else finishing. Please hold tickets until results become official. Hold all tickets…The egg and spoon race is next with triacta wagering, post time is set at 7:52.
We’re not interested in new characters, thank you. If you’d like to come back and try for an established character, please feel free.
Alright, then. I’ll be back at five to seven for a final attempt with all those triple threat auditioning details.
Boomer exits and the light quickly fades