Author Archives: Rob MacD

Since my prognosticating prowess is powerfully proper and postive, I’ll let you all know how it’ll go down tonight on Survivor.
Tomorrow, won’t I look like real smart?
Rupert, realizing that this is the last chance to out-number the Rob-Amber alliance, tries to sway Tom and Jenna into an alliance of three. Jenna agrees. Tom says “Ahm gamma petwain chirsa chirsa goat titties.”
This, of course gets back to Rob, who soothes Tom into believing he’ll be safe if he promises to go to the final three with him and Amber.
Tom goes along with Rob, and they agree that Rupert must go next. Amber, ever the quiet manipulator in the background, all the while rubs Rob’s back, and nods.
Reward Challenge involves a running phase, followed by a brain-power phase. Rob takes the early lead, but stumbles with his brain. Jenna wins reward, which involves choosing to take someone to a traditional feast that involves a dance by the natives of the land. She takes Amber.
Immunity Challenge involves a brute-strength power and determination type challenge, which Rupert wins.
With Rupert safe, Tom and Rob (Amber nodding), decide it’s Jenna who goes, then.
Off to the vote.
Probst asks if it’s gotten ‘real’ now that there’s only five left. They all agree that it has. Jeff implies that, with 5 left, this would be a good time, perhaps the last time, for people to break any strong two-person alliances. Rob says “Thanks fo-ah tha heads up, Probst.”
Time to vote:
Probst: “The first vote: Jenna. Second vote for Boston Rob. Third vote Jenna. That’s 2 for Jenna, one for Rob. Fourth vote: Rob. That’s two for Rob, two for Jenna… The 13th person voted out is…Rob. Boston Rob, bring me your torch…”
“Well, guys, guess it just goes to show, no matter how sure you are that you’ve got all your bases covered, you just never know. Take your torches and head back to camp.”

We had our second meeting of the CD club. Another very interesting, eclectic bunch of songs for me to enjoy.
Here’s the list of songs I brought to the table.

To Impregnate These Titles As Fast As Possible

1. Dreams – TV On The Radio, from Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babe (2004)
Broody, moody and threatening to begin, build into a bit of a frenzy. Mix, and repeat. Add more dread. Keep feet moving.
2. Mushaboom – Feist, from Let It Die. (2004)
aka Leslie Feist, a Canadian now living in Paris, worked with Gonzales and with Peaches. This is a great song, but I think the following clip (translated from the French site inrocks.com) explains it better than I ever could:
“Mushaboom is emblème of this album. Only its title, makes dream: it sounds nicely with the ear, way bubble gum. Isn’t Mushaboom an invention, but the name of a true Canadian city in which Feist failed to live? Attractive song, it will not fail to be encrusted at the fine bottom with your spirit, resonant like a counting rhyme of kid. To impregnate this title as fast as possible.”
3. The Band – Mando Diao, from Bring ‘Em In (2003)
Imagine The Jam as a Swedish band performing in a garage in 2003. Or just listen to this song from Mando Diao.
4. A Menhi Menina – Band of Bees, from Sunshine Hit Me (2002)
From a rocking garage in Sweden, we now head to the Isle of Wight for a swingin’ acoustic fuzzy guitar rock number that might have come out of Jack White if he were happier and poppier.
5. The Dark of the Matinee – Franz Ferdinand, from Franz Ferdinand (2004)
This band, and this album, has seen a lot of chatter on most of the ‘hip’ internet sites the last month or so. From the songs I’ve heard off their debut album, the talk is warranted. Smart sounds and very catchy tunes from this Glasgow group.
6. Lost Mi Love – Yellowman, from Mister Yellowman (1982)
I never heard of Yellowman until I downloaded this great song. My only familiarity with Jamaican music comes from Bob Marley and his contemporaries, and what survived of it in the sounds of The Beat, The Specials and the like. If you’re familiar with this dance-hall reggae tune, and with Yellowman in general, my apologies. If you’re not, I hope you groove on this as much as I do.
7. Ka Lifu Laka – Z.C.C Mukhukhu, from The Rough Guide to South African Gospel (2003)
Continuing this musical trek around the world, we now settle into a simple, yet absolutely beautiful choral chant from what I expect, based only on this song, would be a lovely CD.
8. Oxala – Madredeus, from Antologia (2000)
I tend to veer away from World Music. At least World Music that I imagine sucks the soul out of the music of the regions from which it borrows, and ends up as a bland All-World Music Stew. Understand? Me either. Anyway, this is a pretty, soft little song from a band from Portugal that makes pretty music.
9. Steve McQueen – Lambchop, from Aw C’mon (2004)
After that little journey around the world, we come back to North America and relax with this 70’s sounding country song featuring a pop-ensemble orchestra complete with swirling strings. Did I hear you gulp with fear? Don’t worry. Just listen.
10. Laura – Scissor Sisters, from Scissor Sisters (2004)
From New York. You’ll either see this as a bouncy oom-pah throw-back to early 70’s sounds of Ziggy Stardust as if presented through a disco/broadway stage production, or, you’ll like it.
11. Distance – Grand National, from an Output Recordings compilation (year unknown)
I know absolutely nothing about this group, and I can’t find anything online, but I sure like the sound. Yes, I sure like the sound. The background singer reminds me of Sting’s background singing on Dire Straits “I Want My MTV”.
12. The Rat – The Walkmen, from Bows + Arrows (2004)
Kinda used to be Johnathon Fire*Eater. Now they are The Walkmen. I give this information, not because it has any relevance to me, but it may to you. This song is all I know of The Walkmen. This singer kinda sounds like what Bono might sound like if he was younger and pumped up on coke.
13. Bukowski – Modest Mouse, from Good News for People Who Love Bad News (2004)
Another I’m not too familiar with. Here are the ‘tones’ AllMusic.com uses to describe their sound: Volatile, Cathartic, Earnest, Brash, Rousing, Fiery, Confrontational, Reflective, Urgent. All of these descriptors may apply to this great song.
14. Waiting for the Heartaches – The Coral, from The Coral (1996)
Back to Britain, this time to Hoylake, on the west coast of England. This is from their debut album, which caused quite a stir in GB. The album chops its way through all kinds of genres, a couple of genres in this song alone.
15. If It’s Not With You – Phoenix, from Alphabetical (2004)
Britain again. Another one I know nothing about. Apparently he had a song in “Lost in Translation”, but I don’t have that soundtrack. This album doesn’t get the greatest props, but I quite like this quiet song with its 70’s songwriter vibe.
16. World Of – Jim Guthrie, album unknown (year unknown)
Who? I don’t know, but I wouldn’t mind finding out more. And I highly doubt that ‘World Of’ is the actual name of this track, but this is the way it came to me. After a quick search, I found this quote, source un-named: “If all is right in the universe, it should alert the world to the depths of his talents and dare to be said, his genius…an inspiration for a whole generation of post-rockers and lo-fi punks.” For god’s sake, don’t let that quote avert your ears from this lovely, delicate song. I’m guessing he’s from Toronto.
17. Solex in a Slipshod Style – Solex, from Solex vs. the Hitmeister (1998)
The story of Solex, as I understand it: Amsterdamian record shop owner, and songwriter, Elisabeth Esselink began to create lo-fi techno pop music, borrowing snippets of songs from records that weren’t selling at her store, and using the made-up character of Solex as the basis of many of her songs. Voice sounds a bit like Bjork’s to me, but don’t hold that against her.
18. Call My Name – Prince, from Musicology (2004)
I, like many, had given up on Prince. Sure, I could buy the claim that his record company was stifling his creative genius. Then came the post-record company albums, seemingly a new one each week, and none getting much positive press. Now I hear about Musicology, and how it’s supposed to be so wonderful, so I download the album. One word review: Yay!! This song, Call My Name, is to be filed under ‘Fantastic Prince Ballad’. I remember, years ago, Gene Siskel gave a thumbs down to Scorsese’s Casino, because Siskel felt it was redundant since Scorsese had so-often traveled the same themes and scenes in past movies. I expect some may feel the same about this song, because it sounds like classic Prince. Fair enough, I suppose, but I think Casino is a fantastic film, and Call My Name is a fantastic song. It gloriously sounds like classic Prince. Yay!!

First of all, what is happening to Paula Abdul? A coupla weeks ago, she showed up on American Idol with her right arm in a sling. Now, last night, she had on far too much makeup, like she was trying to cover up facial bruising. Paula, is everything okay at home? Is somebody treating you like their personal punching bag? You can tell me.
Whatever the case, that was some ugly Paula makeup last night. Very trampish.

Speaking of Ugly, how about that blue dress the Diana DeGonner was wearing? Yeesh. Nothing like picking a dress that makes you look stumpy while accentuating your tummy roll. Speaking of tummy rolls, I’m afraid Diana is gonna end up going the way of Dawn “Mary Ann” Wells, and Cindy “Shirley” Williams. That is, I fear she’s going to get fat, and sooner than later. You can see it’s in her genes.
But, how did she sing, you ask. Not very well, I answer. On her first song, she sounded nervous and her voice was weak and trembly. The second song, which was more up-tempo, served her better. But she still wasn’t all that good, I didn’t think.
She’ll be safe tonight, though, and make it to next week, because she’s the last white person in the competition.

As ugly as Diana De-uglyGowner’s dress was, George Huff looked pretty natty in his dark suit, dark shirt and dark tie. Remember the first time we saw George, he looked really old, like he was mid-30’s. (let’s pause here to give us who are currently past mid-30’s a moment to wipe away our tears). Now, he looks like a boy who’s playing at being a man. How’d that happen? George looks like he should be licking a lolipop.
As for his performance, when he was singing his first song, I was thinking that it was too by the book, too note for note, too safe. Simon concurred with me. I like it when I think the same thing as Simon, because he is always right on about the vocal talent. (sometimes he is way off on things like the performer’s personality or their look, but he is very seldom off on his critique of their vocal qualities). When I heard George say he was going to sing “What A Wonderful World” I shuddered. For me, that song has long stopped being a song, and has become an icon for the Big Chill generation. I was pleased to hear him sing it well, though. He spinned it enough to make it distinct, even though the judges chastised him for not doing that. I think their chastisement was more for the first song, though, which was well sung, but lacking his individuality.
George will be safe tonight because he is the last male participant in the competition.

I can’t recall the dress that LaToya ‘R’ Us was wearing, so I won’t comment on it. Except to say that I expect it was just like her performance: Perfectly styled. LaToya did a fantastic job with both of her numbers. But as I was listening to them I was thinking that I don’t think I’d want to buy a record of hers. Yes, there’d be great singing, but that’d be about it. Not much personality emanates out of the pores of LaToya. She definitely has the most polished and professional voice, and she may very well win American Idol, but I don’t think she’s the best choice.
LaToya will be safe tonight because she has the best voice.

The denims and top with dangling chains that Jasmine Triage was wearing didn’t do anything for me. Then again, neither did her singing. She just doesn’t have the singing chops. And anyone who’s downloaded any of my songs here, should agree that I know all about not having singing chops. I never liked Jasmine as a singer, and her personality does nothing for me.
She’ll be the one who gets removed from the competition tonight.

I also don’t remember the outfit that Fantasia was wearing. I thought she did a great job with her two songs, though. I can understand why people don’t like her personality. It’s because she has one and is willing to display it. I guess there are many who are hoping she doesn’t win, but I’m not one of them. I’d be much more inclined to buy, and much more curious about, the music she’d create than I would any other competitor in American Idol.
She’s safe for another week or two.

Finally, I was always impressed with how quickly the show’s editors could, at the end of the show where they recap snippets from the performances, cut in the final competitor’s recap in time for the recap. Last night, though, I saw how it was possible. In the live performance we saw, Fantasia never ended either of her songs with her now-trademark ‘yeah yeah yeah yeah’ vocal run (thank goodness, as I was getting tired of it). Yet, in the recap, they showed the ending to her song, and there it was, the ‘yeah yeah yeah yeah’ vocal run. So, obviously, the recaps (or at least the final performer’s recap) is/are taken from a rehearsal performance. Fair enough.

In conclusion, bye Jasmine.

I know, I know, posts about grammar are ho hum. Still.

People, you gotta stop trying to sound smart by using ‘whom’. Most of the time, ‘whom’ gets used improperly. I only say this because I’ve noticed its incorrect use more often in the past month or so, on various sites that I visit. So, please, just stick with the ‘who’. At least when it’s incorrect, it’s not as noticable. Okay, people? As for which people, you know whom you are.

Also, since I’m here, please be careful with the ‘blank and I’. I know teachers drilled it into our heads in elementary school, but, alas, it went to the opposite extreme, and now ‘blank and I’ is too often used incorrectly. “The pizza was eaten by John and I” is incorrect, for instance. It should be “John and me”. Yet, I see this very thing happening all the time. (I am so La De Da)
Here’s a simple test to know if you are using it correctly: When you are writing a sentence where you wonder whether it should be ‘blank and I’ or ‘blank and me’, separate the names, and read the sentence with each as an individual entity.
The pizza was eaten by John. (that’s okay)
The pizza was eaten by I. (that’s not okay)
Anytime you’re in doubt, just try that test, and you should see which is correct.

I just had to get that off my chest.

Carry on.

This song, I call a Chimp song because it was recorded during the period in which we recorded the Chimp songs. That, and it uses electric guitar while all ‘my’ other songs are acoustic. Really, though, I think it’s safe to call it a Rob song because I wrote it myself, I made all the noises on it myself after Dave went home one night, and, most importantly, it just doesn’t sound to me (or to Dave, i’m guessing) like a Chimp song.

Anyway, onto the song.

Does anyone from Charlottetown remember about 15 to 10 years ago, there were posters all around town, on telephone poles, walls, everywhere, with a picture of a guy who was missing? The poster asked ‘Have you seen this man” or something similar. I guess he committed suicide or drowned or something, so the rumours go. At any rate, the posters were up, seemingly, for years, and over the course of time, they became pretty disshevelled, some with glasses and moustaches, etc, drawn on them.
I found that lack of respect interesting enough to write a song about them. Or, at least, a verse.

“Have you seen this man” said the posters, in a pessimistic hue.
Been up for weeks on poles, uh oh, does not look good for you.
Your frightened eyes, caught by surprise,
Marker moustache and blackened eyes
Obscure your grainy face.
No sympathy for such an ugly face.

So, I had written that, and thought it’d be good to forge a song around it. Since the guy was rumoured to have drowned, I thought it made sense to talk about the harbour in which he likely drowned. Those of you who know the Charlottetown Harbour would have to agree that it’s very pretty. Not the sort of place that we’d want to associate with suicide. Especially us being a tourist town. That was the thinking that led me to the title “So Exquisite Harbour” and to the chorus.
Now I had a verse, and a chorus. I wrote the second verse about a fictional character, a nouveau hippy chick who thinks she’s ‘literary’ and drinks herbal tea. She thinks she has it together, but ends up dead in the harbour as well. Happy song!
I am not proud about the lyrics in the bridge, or for the melody of the bridge, for that matter. They aren’t horrible or anything, just not very smart or clever. Yet, it seems the song needs them to be there.
After two verses of sad-luck people I thought it needed to become a little uplifting, so I wrote the third verse about a guy (the singer of the song) who remains optimistic (he claims he won’t end up dead in the harbour like the others) despite having lost both his arms in a farming accident, and despite the fact that he pisses on himself every time he pees.

So, it ends kinda happily. Yay for the song!

I like the fuzzy sound of the guitar, and it’s a pretty tight little tune, mixed pretty well, too for someone who didn’t really know what he was doing. I don’t even think there are points in the vocals that disgust me. Perhaps it’s because I put my vocals through the same kind of fuzz distortion as I did the guitar. Very John Lennon, if you ask me. The distort-your-voice technique, not the song.

Anyway, here it is: So Exquisite Harbour (3.9mb)

I think I was just out of university when I wrote this song. We’re talking at least 15 years ago, anyway.
I met Nick through Dave M. and for a while we all hung out together. When Dave moved away to Montreal, Nick and I became closer friends, mostly because of our similar tastes in music and our mutual desire to create music. Then Nick moved away, to Montreal, and on the day he left, I wrote this sentence “My new best friend left town this morning.” Nothing awe-inspiring, but I thought it’d make a neat lyric.
So, I used it as the beginning of this song, and in fact, the whole first verse was pretty much about his leaving.
However, being one who finds it hard to allow personal emotion or truth enter my writing, I couldn’t continue to have it be autobiographical. God forbid somebody actually see me…hear me…feel me.
So, I thought I’d try to turn it into a kind of menacing, creepy, obsessed stalker kind of relationship song. Make the singer out as somebody who’s rather delusional about this relationship he’s singing about.

I rather like the structure of the song, in the way that it’s revealed slowly, line by line, just how flaky and deranged the guy is.

Production-wise, I think the double-tracking of the voice adds a nice “voices in his head” element. I also like the way the song builds in intensity, especially at “I like the seashore…” where the harmony/higher octave singing gets accentuated. Which brings us into the little guitar solo. If I were a sensitive man, I’d have to lie and say that the ‘off-colour’ notes in the solo were on purpose, and represent the character’s descent into madness. But we know that’s not true. I just can’t play a lead on guitar to save my life, is all.

As will be readily apparent and obvious if you choose to download and listen to the song, here’s what I don’t like about it: one of the greatest tragedies of my life is my inability to sing harmony (some might say my inability to sing at all). Still, I giver a go on this song. But, alas, it turns horribly, horribly wrong. At a couple of points in the “I like the seashore” verse, I am quite literally tossing my voice from note to note, hoping that it catches on any note that will somehow form some sort of semblance of harmonic pleasantry. Of course, it doesn’t. Again, I could say that the dischordant notes in my singing are to represent the off-kilter craziness of a madman, but if that’s the case, what it really means is that the off-kilter madman can’t sing harmony.
I’m guessing I left it that way because I figured that any other attempts at singing harmony would bring about results just as bad, if not worse. So, if you listen, I apologize for that.

Download My New Best Friend (3.7mb)

Saturday my wife was helping to serve a ham & scallop dinner at her church. Sometime into the proceedings, I get a phone call from her. Her purse was stolen, could I please call the credit card people and cancel our credit cards, so that any thieving partakers of pork couldn’t use our cards to buy themselves bibles.
She had left her purse on the back of a chair, close to the door. When she came back to it, it was gone. The purse, not the chair.
So, I called Mastercard’s toll-free number and was very professionally taken care of by a guy who told me that new cards would be sent to us on Monday.
Then I called Visa’s toll-free number and was very professionally taken care of by a lady who told me that new cards would be in our possession in 5 to 10 business days. This lady was very helpful, yet I found her professionalism to be rather frantic. She spoke very quickly and was absolutely confident in what she was saying. Yet there was absolutely no emotion in her voice, no sense that I was talking to a human being. As I was speaking to her, I was thinking “This is what robots will sound like when technology moves forward enough.”

The second that I hung up the phone from the flesh and blood Visa robot, the phone rang. It was my wife. She found her purse. The custodian had seen it on the chair, unattended, and had taken it and locked it in the church office.

Not knowing what would be the bigger annoyance – trying to re-activate our present cards by calling the companies back and cancelling the cancellation (a feat I wasn’t even sure was possible), or going without credit cards for a week or so (not really that much of an annoyance) – I opted for the annoyance of least energy.

The HBO series “Deadwood” (airs Sunday nights on Canada’s The Movie Network), has got to take the prize for continually having the most expletives uttered in any 60 minutes of programming ever.
It’s another fantastic series from HBO. (I don’t know how they do, those people at Home Box Office) For those who don’t know, it’s a show that revolves around a newly emerging town that’s deep in the Wild West and whose inhabitants live day to day without any sort of system of law to get in their way. The conniving and immoral behaviour from practically all the cast of characters is simply breath-taking to behold. That anyone could maintain and live a moral life in those surroundings is also part of the story.

Great acting. Great scripts. Great storylines.
If you haven’t seen it, and have access to it, and aren’t put off by every second word being a cuss word, check it out.

I think it was in the last year of Annekenstein, maybe the year before, I’m guessing ’96 or ’97, but definitely one of the two Myron’s years, that I wrote this song, for the show. It was when the “Anne” license plates were new, and we wrote a sketch about a guy going to the DoH to get a new license plate and getting irate when he was told he’d have to take an Anne plate. He then went into a diatribe about all the things he hated about Prince Edward Island.

It was right after that sketch, I think, that we went into this song, called (This Province Called) Prince Edward Island (3.4mb).

The female voice is that of my wife. She has a fantastic, angelic voice, believe me. If I recall correctly, though, for this recording, she reluctantly agreed to sing along, even though she didn’t really know the words or the melody very well. I think she was given one take, maybe two, to lay her track down (with my pathetic attempts at harmony to deal with at the same time), before I decided it was good enough and I moved on to another song. Now, I am in no way implying her singing isn’t good here, because I think it’s great, and she could out-sing me in a snot-storm, but I do feel it necessary to acknowledge that the recording process that I was employing doesn’t do her justice.

The lyrics are below. The song was kind of timely for 1996-7, so some of the elements no longer are relevant. Still, I think it’s a fun song, with some funny lines. And the recording is almost bearable.

The Lyrics:

(This Province Called) Prince Edward Island

Oh no they
won’t let you buy carbonated pop in cans
Beer sold in tin coverings is strictly banned
The law was lobbied for by Rundell Seaman
That’s why I love this province called Prince Edward Island
You know you
won’t see Moosehead ads on channel CBC
But you can watch them on the other forty three
It’s such a sad attempt to keep us liquor free
That’s why I love this province called Prince Edward Island

Here’s to the Island cradled in the waves
And to all the people living here today
We call ourselves Islanders, yet I feel I have to say
If you were not born here, you are from away.

We get our
news from Compass every night, no ifs, ands or buts
Boomer wears short pants all year, boy he’s got guts
Our favourite segment Thursday night is Roger’s Soup To Nuts
That’s why I love this province called Prince Edward Island
We watch on
Tuesday nights on Cable Ten Bill’s Country Jamboree
Out of tune guitars and voice of Senior Citizenry.
It’s been on two decades now, ask why but don’t ask me
It’s why I love this province called Prince Edward Island
We’re either
farmers or we’re fisherman, or we work at DVA.
Most of us can’t get jobs, but we can still get paid
‘Cause filling out your pogey card is the Island way.
That’s why I love this province called Prince Edward Island

Here’s to the Island cradled in the waves
And to all the people living here today
We call ourselves Islanders, we’re sorry when we say
I’m going on the welfare boys, my pogey ends today.

For years we
voted for the Liberals or we voted for PC
The way my parents voted was good enough for me
I guess hippies are parents now ‘cause we have one NDP
That’s why I love this province called Prince Edward Island
Green Gables
gets the tourists coming here, all to see Anne
We even get them coming all the way from Japan
But if Green Gables does burn down we have no back up plan
That’s why I love this province called Prince Edward Island

Here’s to the Island cradled in the waves
And to all the people living here today
We call ourselves Islanders, it’s a reminder when we say
The first one’s who lived on her, called her Abegweit.

Here’s to the Island cradled in the waves
And to all the people living here today
We call ourselves Islanders, it’s a warning when I say
It’s free for you to drive here but to leave you have to pay

I think it was the ancient asian philosopher and war-monger, Feng Shui, who said (I paraphrase), “It’s not how you behave when you lose that shows your true self, but how you win. But in Shii Ann’s case, her behaviour is just obnoxious no matter how you look at it.”
Yes, Shii Ann is gone from Survivor All-Stars, and I, like many I’m guessing, am glad. I barely liked her in her first season, couldn’t understand why she was brought back as an All-Star, and sighed every week when she’d remain.
She was so junior high-school in last night’s episode. “Hey, you know Brittany. She thinks you’re cute!” Only substitute Survivor X for Brittany, and cute for hate.
Sad thing is Shii Ann will now be no doubt patting herself on her back for making it to the final six of the all-stars. Thing is, though, that she didn’t make it that far by any skill or tactics or manipulation of other players, or anything. Not being a threat to win is not a strategy. She made it that far simply because the others saw her as a dispensible piece of lumber. She was the log they all sat on, and when the rest of the lumber was burnt up, they decided it was time to burn the Shii Ann sitting log.

And what a stinky piece of wood she was, too.

Five left. Now it’ll get interesting.