The Finger Of Chicken Factor

For the past few months, I’ve been once-a-weeking for lunch at a take-out place, ordering their chicken fingers and fries.  I notice that there are two people who work there, however only one at a time.  The guy who works there gives me five chicken fingers and a heaping helping of crispy fries.  The girl who works there gives me not so many fries that are not so crispy and only four chicken fingers.
The discrepency in the amount of fries, I don’t worry about.
My dilemna is this:  do I mention to the girl that the guy gives me five chicken fingers?  If I do, then there is a possibility that his extravagence of an extra finger will be exposed and may be stopped.  Is there a store policy on the number of chicken fingers one gives out per customer?  If she’s short-changing me, then I’d definitely like that rectified.  My hunch is that the de rigueur is four fingers, though I have no solid proof of it.
I don’t know how many chicken fingers he gives to others.  I’ve never witnessed it.  I’ve thought about lurking around, waiting for a chicken fingers and fries order to come up, but it’s not ordered that often.  It’s not even on their regular menu.  I have concocted a story that this guy somehow appreciates me for some reason and as such is favouring me with an extra chicken finger and heaping fries.  I look for subtle clues like a wink or a nod or him saying "I’m giviing you an extra chicken finger, you know" but I can gather no hard evidence.
At first I thought that perhaps he gives me smaller chicken fingers and she gives bigger, but today’s five chicken fingers from him were huge. 
It sure would be nice to get that fifth chicken finger from that girl.  I think, though, that it’s best that I not tempt it.
One of the factors leading me to think it’s better to leave things as they are is this:  she only works about a fourth of the time he does at lunch.  So, I get his five chicken fingers about every three times to her single serving  of four chicken fingers.

What would you do?


  1. graham says:

    In some cultures chicken fingers are the food of love. And it’s not hard to tell why. Chicken fingers are sinful and bad for you, yet honest. They can be sweet and spicy, with the mystique of a farm or factories. They are a perversion of what was once natural. Some even say they have aphrodesiac qualities. Not to alarm you, but it sounds as though both the female and the male are sending you some kind of signals.
    My guess is that they have had a passionate affair, exploring other exotic foods like poutine (amore) and fish burgers. The fires of their loins enflamed to the point where it was too much for both.
    Being the daughter of the owner of this take-out diner didn’t help either. Their forbidden affair was interfering with the business. So it came to a standoff between her father and her lover, which was settled at the VLT’s where the father lucked out with swinging bells, settling the matter and forcing the lovers to work side by side.
    After what, to both, seemed an eternity of love without an avenue, his passion rose to the clouds, while her torrent emotions dwindled in the depths of her soul where the lost dreams of her youth reside.
    Enter Rob.
    On a regular day , almost like any other day, you waltsed in to their life, only to have your luncheon needs tangled up in their web of passion.
    The guy, not having any other means of expressing his pent up love brimming out of his very being, cannot help but pile on as much of cupids food (chicken fingers) as he can, when he serves such a wise comforting soul as yourself.
    Her snuffed desire, on the other hand, is represented directly on the plate she serves.

    So Rob, until the father can accept their love for each other there will be an imbalance with your fingers.

    I wish the lovers the best.


  2. Nils says:

    (sigh) What a lovely, sad story, Graham. As usual, though, you’re full of crap. About the star-crossed love affair, I mean. Not about chicken fingers being the food of love.

    Clearly the extra chicken finger is a subtle, yet unmistakable come-hither. He wants you Rob. And sadly, she doesn’t.


  3. dylan says:

    hmmmm It’s funny you don’t mention the name of the take out establishment. Why would that be? Could it be that we are talking about …. Peter Pan? Of course that makes the answer to your questions obvious and ties nicely in with Nils’ post. Clearly they have both seen you in your jaunty green tights and whereas she was repulsed by such a sight. He clearly had previously unknown desires sparked by seeing you in such attire.


  4. graham says:

    Oh, what brilliant, sweet crap I am full of. My crap is so good I could feed it to some person who doesn’t even like crap, and if I didn’t tell them what it was, they would say it tastes kinda like apple.


  5. dylan says:

    Wait a minute… So that apple pie you gave me last week….oh man I’m going to be sick. I wondered why it had corn in it.


  6. Gooner says:

    This is tricky, you have to somewho time it so that when you roll up for you takeout he is the one serving you. That’s the hard part. Maybe some stakeouts are in order.


  7. Yanik says:

    I will seek out this girl at said establishment, reveal all that her beloved co-worker can’t provide, then reject her. At some point I will have mentioned that I know you. I suspect that next time you order from her, she will give 6 pieces, almost as though she were giving them to me. 2 degrees of chicken fingering.


  8. Jason White says:

    One might be convinced to act in proxy for said Rob and ask about the finger special, that information could be then relayed back to the beneficiary of the 6 finger deal and none would be the wiser. Also we could all learn the secret location of the 6 finger deal and consume copious amounts of tasty chicken.


  9. Rob says:

    Jason, I am wary to divulge the name of the establishment, for I fear that an influx of customers ordering chicken fingers would surely, somehow, cause me to lose that fifth finger freebie.
    What happens if you all start going there and, only getting four fingers, complain? What will happen is they’ll start taking closer stock of their fingers and demand more dilligence and consistency in their servers. It all results in Robbie getting one less finger three times out of four.
    No, I think it’s best that the name of the place remains forever with me.


  10. Jason White says:

    Damn you Rob! remind you next time I see you on the street to give you a Chicken finger ;-). Actually in all seriousness, I find Cedars has a great Chicken Finger Platter, and for a little extra they will turn the fries into real poutine.


  11. graham says:

    It’s like an orgy on your plate.


  12. eldavo says:

    what is a chicken finger?


  13. graham says:

    It’s not really a finger. because chickens don’t have hands. I guess they could be called chicken claws, but folks wouldn’t but them.


  14. Sidney says:

    Or strips of chicken taken from chicken meat compressed, breaded, and deepfried… Also probably not a big seller. I have heard them called chicken strips (by my parents).


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