Jesus’ Face? Or Too Much Detergent?

Did you see the South Park episode where a statue of The Virgin Mary starts bleeding?  First it was thought to be bleeding from the vagina, then it was discovered to be bleeding from the anus.  Regardless, people flocked.
Well, Tignish, long-thought to be the anus of PEI, has at least a few people flocking to see the Religious Wonder Of It All. 
SideBar: How many sheep must congregate before it’s considered a flock?
Perhaps due to chewing one-too-many moldy Communion Wafers, someone in Tignish has looked upon a cloth in a church and Has Seen The Face Of Jesus.
The first question, of course, is “Is it too late to get this into this year’s Tourist Guide?”  Gentle Island, indeed!
Second question, of course, is “Why in the hell would Jesus and His crew ever bother to manifest His visage on a cloth in a nothing (universally speaking) town like Tignish?”  And why would He make it so blurry and hard to discern whether it even is a face (let alone the face of Jesus) and not just residue left over because of too much detergent in the wash?  Why be so unclear?
Some, I suppose, may say “It’s a test.  Only the true-believer will accept it as Jesus.”  Okay.  To what end?  To see who is truly worthy of ascension?  If so, why go about it in this way?  Is there a space-problem in Heaven?  Are Heavenly souls starting to have to double-bunk?  No?  Why be so subtle, then?
Why not make a more emphatic presense of Yourself, something everyone can get behind, so that there can be no doubt that This Is Jesus And We All Believe?
Either Jesus has a really bad marketing team, or He has a sense of humour and is toying with the believers (if so, I think he needs a new gag.  This joke has been seen enough, thanks.  Maybe he’s waiting for Bruce Vilanch to die before he gets new material), or (and this is what I believe) it’s absolutely nothing.

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12 Comments

  1. Just shows folks are willing to believe anything if they want to/ need to. The fact that we all know in our hearts is that this is infact NOT the face of anyone. People are desperate to believe, and we’re all lucky there isn’t some malicious group of people wanting to take advantage of honest people’s beliefs to further their own world dominating agenda. I think we all know the certain world leader I’m referring to: future world president, Doug Henning.

    Stop your evil oil-money ways, Doug. For Christ’s face’s sake, the flock is a powder-keg ready to blow.

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  2. I just thought of a funny movie starring Rob called “Second Coming” with the tagline “This time it’s really unsubtle.” Jesus would come back in a truly frightening way, the Earth destroyed. Unlike everyone else, Rob wouldn’t be frightened. Instead, he would charge Jesus with showing off and declare his second coming is an insult to the intelligence of humankind by hitting us so hard over the head with such an overblown apocolypse. Way too on the nose, Jesus, don’t take up writing. Jesus will begrudgingly admit that maybe it was a bit too much and be forced to apologise to Rob (what a fantastic scene that would be!) Just the same, Jesus tells Rob, he has to admit he really is Jesus and he really is back. Rob stubbornly refuses to admit it. Jesus gets in his face, demonstrating with a few miracles. Why can’t he admit it, can’t he handle the truth, isn’t he man enough? The movie will end with Rob sighing and begrudgingly saying: “Fine. You really are Jesus and you’re really back. Are you happy now?” Smiling smugly, Jesus replies yes. The movie ends with Rob walking off the edge of a fiery, crumbling Earth, grumbling.

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  3. my problem is this — if anyone knows how to wear a crown of thorns, it’s jesus. the face that we’re supposed to be seeing in tignish is stuck right through the middle of the crown of thorns, like a mane around a lion’s face. everyone knows that the crown is placed on top of the head.

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  4. he is to return as a lion. His first appearance (2000 years ago) was as a lamb. Now it makes sense…

    …crazy christians.

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  5. graham — you’ve freaked me out with your interpretation of this event. could it be that you are the lion jesus’ first disciple?

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