This is the start of what may become a new semi-irregular feature here at The Annekenstein Monster – Theatrical Trailer Reviews. It’s not very often that I go to the movies. While I don’t find the admission price to be too much of a deterrent, the allure of the acutely-expensive popcorn/pop/etc, and the generally poor theatre etiquette of others are more than enough to keep me away.
But I like talking about movies, and since the trailers pretty much give away the whole plot anyway, I figure a smart (ass) review of the trailer should suffice.
So, here’s my review of the theatrical trailer for Mission:Impossible III, which opens tomorrow, world-wide:
As we open on a crisp, blue night-timey cityscape, it’s apparent right away that there’s gonna be some cold-blooded killing going on. Close in on Tom Cruise, standing on top of a building. A crisp, blue, glass-encased building, so you know it’s just begging to be broken into. Or, jumped off of. Tom looks angry – “Tibbets Is Tough” Angry. But we don’t know why. Perhaps he’s just been interviewed about Scientology again? Maybe the placenta tasted ‘off’? Zoom in, ever in, to perform a retinal scan of his eye. Turns out it’s the man they call Ethan Hunt, the Mission Impossiblist, and, judging by the thing that’s burning (either it’s a fuse, or his penis) he’s angry because a) there’s not much time left until something blows or b) Katie just gave him an STD. Maybe the plot involves trying to get an STD antidote?
Immediatley after the credits, as soon as he puts on the welding glasses, the action starts and you get the feeling it won’t let up again for the whole 2 or 3 minutes of the trailer. BAM: get out a gun BAM: meet Truman Capote (maybe the plot does involve STD’s?) BAM: meet the girl BAM: meet Larry Fishburne, the guy they got when they couldn’t get Sam Jackson BAM: meet the explosives. BAM: slow down for some expositional character acting, where the plot gets revealed. Something about Capote looking for some In Cold Blood Redux. Great acting at this moment, from Cruise particularly, as he looks at the girl, looking all intense and not even moving, hardly. Can you say “People’s Choice”? Then, right after the sell-line “This summer, the mission, begins” (excellent work by the way, PR guys. Top notch line-selling), out of nowhere, comes the weld-spectacled Cruise and it’s all “Explosives, meet BAM!” And, literally, (SPOILER ALERT!!!) everything starts blowing up and things fly and fall everwhere as we see, I’m pretty sure, scenes from previous Mission Impossible movies (perhaps to catch us up?). Helicopters zoom, boats zim, rubberized dummy heads shimmer, motorcycles motor, and people everywhere look so sexy and hot with all kinds of implements and devices in their hands. I’ll say this for Cruise, nobody runs with more intensity than Tom Cruise. Except, maybe, Forrest Gump. But for Ethan Hunt, Life is Like A Box of Explosives (you can have that one, PR guys), and to avoid it all, he runs and jumps and kisses and punches, and rides and drives and jumps some more. Wow! I’m exhausted! And there’s still 25 seconds to go!
Finally, we come to the climax of the trailer, and what a climax it is. Check out this dialogue:
Cruise: You’ll never get what you want!!!
Truman Capote: You don’t think I’ll do it!!!!! (and it is NOT a question! Because you KNOW he damn well will!)
Then, in a marvellous super-agent moment, Cruise is running down a bridge, and a car explodes directly behind him. Miraculously, instead of forward, the impact waves cause him to be blown sideways (don’t think he hasn’t asked Katie for that, either) into a car.
And that’s the end.
All in all, an action packed trailer. But, really, if you’ve seen one Mission:Impossible III trailer, you’ve pretty much seen them all. Only check it out if you’ve got a huge Cruise Missile in your pants for Tom (you can have that one, E!DailyTonight guys)