You may remember a couple of months ago, I was approached by a sort of grassroots marketing company and asked if I’d be interested in reviewing the newly released DVD of Pamela Anderson and posting it to my blog. Of course you remember. This blog is very important to you. Anyway, I said I’d be delighted to do that (no qualms here about being a shill for the Hollywood machine). So they sent me the DVD and I watched it, and posted what I thought was a fairly un-shill like review. I’m not going to bother to find the post and provide a link to it, because somehow that implies these posts have worth. And while I suspect a number of readers get disconsolate if I don’t post something fresh for them to read each day, and they would argue that these posts do have worth, at least to them, I prefer to think of these posts as empty vessels.
So, I reviewed it and that was that. Until today, when the same company emails me and asks if I’d be interested in presenting another review. Whereas last time I had to trek through the sludge of comedy that focused far too much on Miss Anderson’s gaping beaver (alleged) (Alleged gaping, not alleged beaver, because I think we’re all pretty sure she’s not got dangling participles down there), this time I may have struck gold. I’ll be sent a DVD of a new collector’s edition of one of my favourite movies: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
And just now, having re-read those last couple of sentences, I realise how sad and pathetic it is to create a post about how one is excited about the anticipation of receiving a free DVD in return for being something of a corporate whore.
No. I will not allow myself to fall for that kind of talk. I am a valued member of the critical press. My opinion is cherished.
It is also for sale. If anyone else wants to send me stuff in return for my honest opinion of it, I’ll gladly listen to your offers. Perhaps you have a photo you took, and you have no idea if it’s Art. Send it to me, and I’ll tell you. Maybe you’re in charge of soliciting low-ranking bloggers for their opinions on how well the latest video iPod works. Send me one, and I’ll tell the world what I think. Maybe you sell frozen beefsteak from the western provinces and are trying to get a foothold here in Eastern Canada. Ship some steaks my way and I’ll cook ’em up and eat ’em. Then I’ll tell the great multitudes of readers (conservatively estimated now at at least tens of ones) whether they’re worth purchasing.