Well, here I go. Let’s see how many weeks of Idol recaps I get in before I get bored, get tired, or get smart and stop watching.
Two hours!! Two frackin’ hours! And it sailed by. Like it was only three hours long.
I’ve always been bored by the Simon/Ryan gay-innuendo jokes that have peppered the show since forever. However, last night’s round was pretty funny:
Ryan: Simon, any advice on the heels?
Simon (rolling his eyes): You would know, Ryan.
Ryan: Stay out of my closet.
Simon: Well, come out!
Ryan: This is about the Top 12, okay, not your wishes.
It all seemed pretty light-hearted. Is this the season that Ryan finally comes out? Stay tuned!!
Brandon sang “You Can’t Hurry Love”. I didn’t like it at all. His vocals either seemed to be ahead of, or behind, the melody. Except for when he forgot the lyrics. I know exactly why he forgot his lyrics. Just before that moment, he did this little dance move during a very short vocal break in the song. I got the feeling that he was very pleased with himself for doing it. His onanism caused him to lose focus and forget the lyrics. He was bad, but not bad enough to leave this week. There were plenty more to come who turned out to be even worse than Brandon. Brandon stays. Of all the people who do their weekly Idol recaps, I bet I’m the only one who uses the word “onanism” this week. Betcha!
Melinda sang some song from The Wiz, a movie I never saw, nor never will see. Simon said it perfectly when he said she made a very boring song sound terrific. She was very good and will go very far in the competition. However I don’t know if her odd looks can allow her to win it all. She looks too old (she’s an “old soul”), and has some strange facial features, plus the body of a linebacker. Her appearance won’t interfere with her talent this week. She’ll be back. Bet on it.
Chris Sligh sang “Endless Love”. Well, he sang a Coldplay-ish song that had the same lyrics as Endless Love, but a different melody and chord progression. I know what Chris was trying to do when he rearranged the arrangement. Good for him for trying to do that, I say. Bad on him for doing such a crappy job on it. I was disappointed that he eschewed the great melody the song has, for something he perceived as more hip and current. Still, despite the awful arrangement, I thought he sang it very well. It just wasn’t, you know, Endless Love. It was some other song. He’ll stay. I bet I’m the only one who uses the word “eschew” in an Idol recap this week.
Gina sand “Love Child”. Now that Gina’s been cast into her niche (rocker girl), she does seem more comfortable with herself. However, I found last night’s performance dull, dull, dull. Forgettable. Still, she’ll stay around.
Sanjaya sang “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”. Listening to his performance, it was pretty easy to see how weak his voice is. There’s just not enough power in his voice. It was a pretty awful performance. He deserves to leave, but the IMOA (Idiotic Masses Of America) likely will keep him around to forever gaze into his big doe eyes and dream about running their fingers through his mane of hair. Yes, Sanjaya, apparently, is a Disney character. You don’t vote out a Disney character. Dammit, no!! I’ll put my faith in the IMOA and say they’ll do the right thing and kill Bambi.
Haley sings “Missing You”. She doesn’t do a very good job, in my opinion. Still, her performance wasn’t nearly as bad as her dress. She, too, forgot the lyrics and her vocal performance wasn’t very strong. Paula, always looking for the positive, tells Haley she looks pretty. Haley looked like that helpful advice was like a stab in the heart. Telling a singer that at least they look nice is like telling a date you can still be friends. Simon, surprisingly, thought she wasn’t that bad, and applauded her stage presence. I can only assume that Haley is one of the performers that Simon is backing and therefore will look for any positive in order to save face. That’s my guess. Paula and Randy both seem to have favourites too, who they inexplicably talk up despite their not warranting the positive feedback.
Phil sings “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me”. Phil has to find a toupe. The bald thing isn’t working for him. It’s his ears. They’re way too big. Oh, yeah, his performance: an okay performance, but too much screeching and screaming. Another forgettable performer only remembered because of his bald, freaky look. Wait… maybe that’s his tactic. Better to be remembered as freaky looking than to be forgettable. He’ll stay.
LaKisha sings “God Bless The Child”. She absolutely nailed it. As I watched her, I was appreciating how “in control” she was in her singing. She didn’t let the song get too big for her. What’s great about LaKisha (apart from her amazing voice) is that she is a good actor. By that I mean she has a great ability to find the dramatic elements of the lyrics and use them to express the emotion of the song. She was, as Randy said, sensational.
Blake sang “You Keep Me Hanging On”. Over the past weeks, I was a fan of Blake. I thought he showed a lot of charisma and was pretty cool without it getting in his way. But last night, i thought Blake’s “coolness” corrupted his performance. He seemed a bit too smug with himself. Thank god he didn’t beat box to the song. He too, like Chris Sligh, rearranged the song in an attempt to modernize it. It wasn’t as bad a rearrangement as Chris’s was, but Chris did a better job of singing. Blake’s vocals seemed to get trumped by his desire to show off his dance moves and his all-that. That’s what I didn’t like about Blake last night. He forgot it was a singing competition and treated like an “I’m all that” competition. He’ll stay though.
Stephanie sang “Love Hangover”. I thought Stephanie did a pretty good job, which is an opinion in contrast to that of the judges. They seemed to harp on the idea that she teased us by singing the intro and didn’t give us the part of the song that is more uptempo. For me, someone who doesn’t really know the song, I am ignorant of that fact. So, for me, there was no missing uptempo part, since I didn’t know it existed. I just thought the song was the sort of slow-tempo, somewhat boring, thing she sang. I didn’t really like the song, but thought she did an okay job with it.
Chris R sang “The Boss”. I thought the song was too big for his voice, as he ended up sounding like he was straining too much to reach the notes. Rather forgettable, I thought.
Jordin sang “If We Hold On Together”. She was the big surprise for me last night. I wasn’t expecting much from her, and I thought she did a terrific job performing a song I didn’t much like.
Who should go home: Sanjaya.
Who will go home: Hopefully Sanjaya. And until he does, I won’t try and guess the choices of the IMOA.