Rob Promises: Bring The Boys Back Home

I’m running in this upcoming provincial election.  I have not, and will not file any papers making it official, but I’m running. I am running for the Bridal Shower Party, which does not officially exist.  My campaign will continue to unfold on this website.

Today’s promise:

Rob Promises:  I’ll bring the boys back home.

We all know that hordes of Island youth are leaving the Employment Dry Teat of PEI to find work in the moist vagina that is called Alberta.  (My PR people want me to call Alberta “The Nation’s Ass”, but I think that’s tacky.  And there’s nothing worse than a tacky ass)  Anyway, if elected, I promise to not only turn off the tap that is leaking our youth to other parts of the world, but I also promise to bring back home as many of our youth as possible.

“How can you do that, Rob” I hear you ask.  Here’s my plan.  The provincial government will put advertisements in every paper in the country, extolling the large number of excellent jobs that have suddenly become available on PEI.  We’ll also put in ads advertising the wonderful new rollercoaster that’s been built in Cavendish, plus a few other “Items of Buzz” (a new term I just coined) designed to get the youth interested in returning.  Basically, we’ll lie mold the truth a bit.  Whatever it takes to get the youth of PEI to come back home.

Once they’re back, one of two things will happen. 1) they’ll realize it was a lie  molding of the truth, and leave again, or 2) they’ll realize it was a lie truth-mold and decide to stay anyway, being too lazy to up and move twice in the same year.
I would guess that easily two-thirds of the youth coming home in search of good jobs and rollercoasters will decide to stay.  66%… My competitors would kill for numbers like that!!

There you go.  My promise to bring the boys back home.

Stay tuned for more promises in the coming days.

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