2 Stinkng Cinematical Turds

I watched a couple of movies over the weekend.

First up was Wanted.

You know, that movie about the bullets that can bend around a slab of pork about people who can shoot bullets so they bend around a slab of pork.  It was awful.  Just preposterous as all get out.  Now, I can suspend my disbelief with the best of them, but <spoiler> that scene where the train falls down the chasm was ridiculous.  Almost as foolish as the bullet Angelina Jolie uses to kill about 6 people.  She shoots it in a long, wide circle around a room.  It goes through 5 or 6 people’s heads before winding up in her own brain.  That is some magic bullet.

The plot was idiotic, too.  Am I wrong, but could the whole thing have been resolved with a phone call?
<spoiler>
– Hello?
– Hi, I’m the assasin who you’re trying to kill.  They told you I killed your father, but get this, Luke:  I am your father.
– Seriously?
– Seriously.  So, don’t try and kill me okay.  I think Hoke has been driving you towards a false conclusion.  See, he’s the bad guy.
– Really, Morgan Freeman is the bad guy?  But he always plays good guys. Wow, what a surprise!  He and his posse went through all the trouble of training me in 6 weeks to be the best assasin ever, explicitly so that I would kill you, because they knew you would never kill your own son who you abandoned when I was just 7 days old.  I get it!  Hey, thanks for the heads up… Dad.
– No probs.

Shitty movie.

The other crappy movie I watched was Zack & Miri Make A Porno

I had some hope for this movie, but it ended up being shit as well.  There were a couple of funny scenes, but for the most part it got really boring really quickly.  It was like a script that Judd Apatow would poop out of his bum.  But it was Kevin Smith, right?  The performances were all pretty good, but god that dialogue was painful to listen to.  Isn’t that kind of the opposite of typical Kevin Smith movies?
Am I wrong or could the whole thing have been resolved by a phone call?
<spoiler>
– Hello?
– Hey Rob, don’t watch this movie. You won’t like it.
– Who is this please?
– Doesn’t matter.
– Okay.  Hey, thanks for the heads up… Dad.
– No probs.

One thought on “2 Stinkng Cinematical Turds

  1. I’m sorry, Rob. I may not have mentioned not to see Zach and Miri. I think I may have referenced the naked scene…Jay was better than normal in this, but…

    Like

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