Category Archives: Uncategorized

I have a fear. An irrational fear. I fear that someday, bugs will be huge and will terrorize humanity. I get scared and nervous when I see microscopic images of bugs.

Imagine if this thing was, say, 9 feet tall:

Or this:

Seriously. Ugh and <shivers>!!!

I think these images more closely resemble what aliens will look like when they attack Earth.

These are no E.T.s.

Try this:
Today as you walk from somewhere to somewhere else, imagine that you have two holsters hanging on your hips, each carrying a trusty six-shooter. As you walk, think of yourself as an outlaw (or a good guy) who’s in a situation where you need to be ready to pull those guns out at any moment. Don’t be afraid of the pending gun battle. You welcome it, because you know you will win.

Walk, even for a few steps, with this attitude. You’ll find it empowering.

Okay, so I’ve bee putting off making this video for a few weeks now.
I’d been talking up an idea I had for an instructional video series called Life Lessons with Cameron and Rob, where I (playing Rob) teach my son Cameron (playing Cameron) all kinds of lessons of life.
So tonight, I finally got it done and present the inaugural episode of Life Lessons: Doing the Wash.
Keep in mind, it’s all shot on a dying Canon A510 PowerShot camera’s video function, without any lights (hence the over-bright contrast on a couple of the shots) and without proper sound.

Still, I’m pretty pleased with the way it’s turned out.

Okay, so I’ve bee putting off making this video for a few weeks now.
I’d been talking up an idea I had for an instructional video series called Life Lessons with Cameron and Rob, where I (playing Rob) teach my son Cameron (playing Cameron) all kinds of lessons of life.
So tonight, I finally got it done and present the inaugural episode of Life Lessons: Doing the Wash.
Keep in mind, it’s all shot on a dying Canon A510 PowerShot camera’s video function, without any lights (hence the over-bright contrast on a couple of the shots) and without proper sound.

Still, I’m pretty pleased with the way it’s turned out.

If I was able to re-design, or reconfigure, the human body and the way it works, one item on my agenda would be this: I’d have the digestive system and, um, refuse disposal system, work so that the farts came after expulsion of the fecal matter. So you would shit, and then you would fart. The farting would then help dislodge some of the remaining, um, matter, making clean-up a bit easier. Kind of like a wind-bidet.

The way it mostly works now, farting followed by shitting, is, well, ass backwards.

Will this be a new feature here on the old The Annekenstein Monster? Probably not. But it’ll do for today.

My thought of the day:

I’ve (not often but I’ll say) often imagined myself in some situation where I am told that someone has died and I’ll say “I didn’t even know he was sick” and it will be the perfect situation for that line. I have no idea what that perfect situation could be.

Also, maybe someday I’ll be at a convention of, say, grammarians and I’ll be at some conference on something-or-other. We’ll be waiting for the conference to start, but then get word (erroneous, it will later be discovered) from that the person who was to present the conference has just died. I will then say “I didn’t even know he was sic.”

Last week: Mariah Carey theme night. Ugh.
This week: Andrew Lloyd Webber theme night. Ugh.
Next week: Sing The Phone Book theme night.

Why, oh why, are they giving me these shitty theme nights? Do they want me to stop watching? Because I will, I swear to god!

Alright, here are the reviews of the singers I don’t really care about singing songs I don’t really care about. This week, as an added bonus, I’m going to use a new feature of this ScribeFire blog writing program and post a picture for each singer.

Syesha

Does this dress make me look hot? Yes. Yes it does. It also makes your breasts look like they’re about a mile apart. I missed this performance, visually, but heard it from another room. Sounded okay, but I’m regretting not seeing it.

Jason Castro:

Seriously, I’ve been saying it from day one, but Jason Castro is this generation’s David Cassidy. He even sounds a bit like him. Not a good performance this week, Jason. I liked it at a rate of 75%. You better hope that your fans forgive you this unfortunate theme week and allow you to come back and sing the phone book next week.

Brooke White:

I’ve been talking the past couple of weeks about how I’m waiting for Brooke to have a complete on-air nervous meltdown. I thought it was happening this week when she stopped and started her song again. I cannot look into her pretty eyes, because they are no longer pretty and are now only two pools of panic and sadness. Does she not want to be there anymore? Anyway, a bland performance, unremarkable.

David Archuleta:

As good a voice as he has, I cannot for the life of me remember any of his performances. i think he’s destined to win (he’s the cutest), but his future holds nothing but Disney ballads. I’ve tired of you. You better sing the frig out of that phone book next week!

Carly Smithson:

How long will my career be? It will be *this* long, says the picture. I thought her JC Superstar performance last night was one of her best. But she just doesn’t have the personality to push her into the top 3. Although, she was really pushing her *personality* after her song with her crazy t-shirt gag.

David Cook:

He was the best of the night. Again. Ever since his hair style, I’ve been becoming more and more of a fan. I’m even not being bothered by his Nickebacking Daughtrified voice as much. The guy’s got talent and every week he’s the one to beat. Unfortunately, I don’t think he’ll win because Archuleta has the votes wrapped up I’m guessing. But his success in the business will be greater and longer lasting than any of this year’s crop. That’s what I say.

Bottom Three: Jason Castro, Brooke White, Carly Smithson (Carly only because Syesha out-performed her this week)

Leaving: Brooke White

I, quite by accident, came across a new program on the CBC-TV. Short Film Face-Off is an hour-long program hosted by our pal, Matt Rainnie. It was my recognition of Matt’s voice on the TV that inclined me to stop and watch.

I guess it’s a contest kind of show, where the best short film of each episode goes on to the next round? But it seems the contesting aspect isn’t a primary focus of the show, which is good. If last night’s episode is indicative of the whole series, then each episode 3 short films are presented (with the each film-maker present in the studio) and a panel of 4 critics/judges/knowledgeable persons? provide comments. I’m assuming it’s the same 4 panelists each episode. Matt keeps the proceedings going.

This is what I was expecting:
– people who were way too serious about film-making talking, preciously, about film.
– holier-than-thou proclamations from the panelists about the lackings of, or brilliance of, aspects of each film.
– boredom

This is what I got:
– people who seemed to enjoy films without being overbearing and pompous about it.
– proclamations from the panelists of likes and dislikes with little to no holier-than-thou-ness
– interest

It seems like a good mix of panelists, and I’m glad that they, each, are not shy about offering negative criticism, and do so with lots of “it’s just my opinion, and not the gospel” kind of attitude, which is nice. I was glad that they allowed themselves enough time, after each short film was presented, to actually discuss the film. Just enough time to get into a bit of discussion without getting boring, and more than just blurbicisms (I may have just coined that phrase? quick, short criticisms like you hear the American Idol judges provide).

Matt’s personable, offers a friendly face to the film-makers should the panelists be too tough, and does a good job of moving things forward. Although, there is the feeling that his hosting duties seem a bit superfluous to the whole proceedings. I would like to see him be involved more, but I don’t know how, or what he could do.

I like that the film-maker is there to talk about their film before it’s presented. And I like that the film-maker pretty much just sits there after the presentation and takes in the criticism. I don’t want to see film-makers defend their decisions too much, so I was happy to have the panelists give their opinions and have the film-makers nod and take those opinions in.

Honestly, I didn’t watch the end of the show. With about 15 minutes of the hour still left, I thought they’d present a fourth film-maker (15 minutes to each), but they didn’t. Matt said that after the break, we’d come back and the panelists would decide which of the three films they liked the best. I wasn’t interested in hearing 15 more minutes of discussion of these films from these people, so I didn’t bother watching. So I can’t comment on that part of the show. I suspect, however, that the final deliberation segment should be shorter.

Will I watch again? Probably not. Not because I didn’t enjoy it, but just because it’s on at a time (Wednesday’s at 7pm) that isn’t a time I usually watch television, and it didn’t move me enough to want to seek it out. If I happen upon it again, though, I’d be more than willing to check it out.

This is what I said, out loud, when I saw that it was going to be a Mariah Carey theme night on American Idol: “Ugh. This is gonna suck.”

And I was right. Man, I dislike the type of music Carey makes. Sure, the girls can sing those five octaves. I just wish she’d sing some good songs. Her crap is tailor-made for Idol: sappy, sentimental pap with all kinds of chances for the big notes and tons of vocal runs. Like I said: Ugh.

Anyway, here it is:

David Archuleta: Is it me, or are all his songs sounding the same now? Didn’t he sing this exact same song, like, the last three weeks? A really strong performance, granted, but your sound is stilted, David. I know it’s hard not to sing a crap song like this when the whole library is stock full of crap songs, so I’ll forgive you this week. But next week, you better sound different or else you’ll be in danger of winning this whole competition but boring me. What do you want, David? To win the competition, or entertain me. I don’t think you can do both. Pick wisely.

Carly Smithson: Was this a Mariah song? I thought it was Bonnie Tyler. Whomever it was, it made me realize that the height of Carly’s success will be reached when she sings some Bonnie Tyler-type song. That’s the upper limit she has to look forward to. A one-hit Bonnie Tyler power-note song full of 80’s melodrama and memorable melody. Who’s the modern-day Meatloaf? Maybe her second hit could be a duet with a modern-day Meatloaf. I cannot come up with a modern-day equivalent to Meatloaf and it’s making me sad. An okay performance, but I found it all a bit screechy. And she’s kinda boring.

Syesha Mercado: She sang some song and sang it okay, but for the love of life, I cannot remember a moment from her performance. Is she boring or was it the song? Both? Yep.

Brooke White: She’s our little bundle of psychoses. She *will* have a mental breakdown someday. She might as well have it on American Idol. Voyeuristically, therefore, I hope she lasts a few more weeks. She started out ok, but got nervous and scared halfway through and it caused her to rush and lose focus. (Same thing I think happened during her vaunted “Let It Be” performance forever-ago, but nobody seemed to care back then). You’re too delicate a nut to be under the scrutiny you’re under, Brooke.

Kristy Lee Cook: Boring. Please be gone.

David Cook: Okay, the only close-to entertaining performance so far. I still don’t like the sound of his voice, but I give him full marks for knowing exactly how to pull his sound out of all these songs. He is, as they say, ready for stardom now. Look for his CDs in the Sounds Like Daughtry / Nickelback aisle. You can look there, because I won’t be. I’m starting to like David more, though, as, you know, a human being.

Jason Castro: Jason is starting to, this week and last, be a bit more serious in his attitude towards what he’s singing. He’s taking it seriously, it seems. That’s a good thing. Of all the remaining contestants, he is really the only one I wonder what he’ll do each week. The rest are pretty much in their own box now, and give pretty much the performance we expect. Jason’s in his box too, but his box, I’m guessing, has a few interesting surprises in it.

So, boring was the main criticism for this week’s show. I don’t blame the singers so much as the songs. Ugh.

Bottom three: Brooke, Carly, Syesha.

Leaving: Carly

26

How many five year olds could you take in a fight?