The Annekenstein Monster

It was a beautiful winter’s night, last night. Clear, calm and just cold enough to remind you that it’s winter, yet not so cold as to make you uncomfortable.

The kind of winter night, when you’re out walking, everything seems exaggerated. Your footsteps on the crisp snow crunch quite loud. I don’t know if that’s the result of the calmness or the cold. You are, at once, both in a sort of solitude and a part of everything around you. Nature, even under all the snow, and within all the quiet, and in the dead of night, very much seems alive and ready to offer you experiences. It’s lovely.

I usually take Dughall, our dog, out for his final walk of the day anytime between 9:30 and my bedtime, whenever that may be. Last night, I didn’t get around to taking him out until 1am. Usually, it’s a quick jaunt within our yard, to allow him to do his business, and then back in, quick as you like. But last night, because it was so nice, I decided to take him across the street, to the neighbourhood park. He seemed pleased with this. I was pleased with this.

Like I say, it was a nice night.

So we take a lovely little walk around the park. Business gets done and disposed of. We’re on our way back home. Still in the park, now maybe around 100m away from our driveway, I hear a noise, a little noise, a prolonged noise, a familiar noise, that seems to be coming from the direction of our house. I probably wouldn’t have noticed it on a “normal” night, from this distance. But I had been taking notice of the quietness of the air, and how easy it is to hear distances you normally can’t hear. It’s as if you can hear nothing for miles. So maybe, because I had my ears attuned to listening, I was ready to hear it.

I look up, towards our house. Our yard. Our garage. And that’s when I see our garage door. It’s closing. That’s what’s making the noise. It finishes closing, and again all is quiet except for a distant siren that suddenly appears and seems closer than it is.

Huh. That sure is odd, I think to myself. Why is the garage door closing?

I am positive it was closed when Dughall and I began our walk. I know, because I looked at it, and noted it was closed. I often do that, at night, notice whether the garage door is open or closed, because maybe two or three times in the history of us living here, it had been inadvertently left open overnight. So, I almost always look to check, before I go to bed. Last night, I definitely checked at the beginning of our walk, and acknowledged it was closed.

Why did the garage door close? Also, maybe more importantly, why did it get opened, so that it could be closed? Even more importantly, who opened and then closed the door?

My first thought is that my wife, Karyn, woke up, sensed that nobody was in the house at the unusual hour, got out of bed, came down the stairs to the first floor, went to our back porch, and for some reason, pressed the button on our garage door remote that lives beside the back door. To see if we’re in the garage, maybe? Even as I’m thinking up this initial reason as to why the door was opened and closed, I dismiss it. Karyn would never get out of the comfy, cozy bed at 1am, unless it was to pee. And even then, it would be only to pee. Even still, I look in through our front picture window, to see if I can see movement from her on the first floor. I don’t see any movement at all.

My next thought, then, is that it’s a ne’er-do-well. A stranger up to no good, obviously. A thief, a robber, an angry miscreant. This thought takes hold. It becomes more than a thought. It’s a certainty. It becomes the only answer. I don’t like this answer. I assume it’s an answer I’ll have to respond to.

Dughall and I arrive to the end of our driveway. All is still and quiet. I find myself in something of a high-alert status. I peer with intent at the garage, as if to see through it. I take note of everything around me, specifically recognizing that I don’t see anyone at all. I am still glancing through the windows of our house, looking for movement from Karyn. Nothing.

The garage door is closed and I assume there is someone in the garage. It’s more than an assumption. It is a foregone conclusion. I have never been more certain of anything in my life. As I jump to this conclusion, I realize that a main reason for jumping to this conclusion is to ready myself for the inevitable interaction and altercation with said intruder. It’s a survival technique, I assume, to plan and prepare for the danger. Makes sense. The foolish thing would be to assume nobody is in the garage. Must be prepared to battle.

Why are they there, in the garage? Dughall and I quietly and carefully make our way up the driveway. Dughall oblivious to the danger that is nearby. I take a bit of comfort in his disinterest in the situation. That means there is nobody, because the dog would sense it, right? Then I immediately become disappointed in Dughall in not being able to recognize such a dangerous and nearby threat. Don’t blame the dog, I tell myself. He’s innocent in this.

And I may need him in a moment to help attack the intruder.

Did they do it to get in from the cold? We are now quite close to the garage. All is quiet and still. I assume they know that we’re outside. Even though I tried to be quiet, the crunch of the crisp snow gave away my presence. Part of me thinks that maybe I’m making noise on purpose, to inform the intruder that I am out here and I’m ready for anything that they might throw at me.

Maybe they opened the side door? I look around the yard, at the snow on the ground. I note that there are no footprints in the snow. Definitely none around the side door (that never gets used, even in summer). So they definitely entered through the remote controlled overhead garage door.

How did they know to open the door? We have two remote controls for the door. One is in our car, which is in the garage, so they couldn’t have opened the door with that remote. They also couldn’t have opened the door with the hard-wired door button that is on the inside of the garage, for the same reason. That leaves the remote control that is in our back porch, right beside the back door. Obviously they used this one to open the door.

Why do they want into the garage? Thievery? Surely there is more of value within the house.

And that’s when my expectations shift to now believing they are actually in the house. They are in the house. I can’t discount the garage though. Dammit! Where in the hell are they?

I am quite a bit freaked out (for me) at all this. Yet at the same time trying to rationalize the absurdity of there being anybody lurking anywhere nearby. My freaked-out self admonishes my rational self for trying to discount the obvious danger. Freak-out is winning.

I formulate a plan. I’ll, carefully, very carefully, enter the back porch. With the dog. If there is someone in the house, near the back porch, Dughall will sense it. Right? That’s the extent of my plan at the moment. I’ll formulate more of a plan once I accomplish this initial plan.

We enter the back porch. I am both hyper-alert to my environment, and also to the mood of Dughall. He seems a bit off. Like he’s aware of something. Maybe he’s just picking up on my heightened and scaredy-cat emotions, my rational self says. My freaking-out self tells my rational self to shut up or it’ll get us all killed. I honestly believe that.

We’re in the back porch. Wait! Was the basement door opened like that when we left? We leave the door to the basement partially opened so that our cat Mafia can freely go down there to do her business, and also to get away from Dughall. There’s no way to tell how open the basement door was when we left, my rational self pipes up. THERE’S NO WAY TO KNOW HOW OPEN THE BASEMENT DOOR WAS WHEN WE LEFT, my freaked-out self yells into my brain.

I’m still alive. Dughall is still alive. Nobody has attacked us in the back porch. I take this as a good sign, and I can sense my rational self starting to take a bit more control of my emotions. My freaked-out self tells me to stand perfectly still, in the back porch, and listen with all my senses, for any unusual sounds or movements from within the house.

I stand perfectly still for probably two minutes. I am hyper-listening, and I hear nothing. I begin to relax a bit. Just a little. I still fully expect to be attacked.

Starting to feel a bit more at ease, being in the seemingly-safe confines of our house, I think what to do next. I decide to unleash the dog, who is now, no doubt, wondering what kind of game is this guy playing at? I unleash him, and he hangs around. I kind of want him to go into the kitchen, living room, etc, have a run around and bark to me if there’s anyone unexpected in there. But, no, he just hangs around me, in the back porch. I can’t blame him. I don’t want to go in there either.

I turn my attention back to the garage. My brain is now starting to tell me that there is nobody in the garage. There is nobody in the house. The smart part of my brain, however, keeps asking How did the door open and close? I don’t have an answer and I remain on high alert. Maybe I imagined the whole thing, I try to tell myself.

No, say the facts. The door definitely opened and close. I realize this because the lights inside the garage are on. Still on. They go on automatically when the door opens, and stay on for about five minutes. I look through the two windows of the lighted garage that face our back door, and I look for movement from within. The windows are frosted over, however, and I can’t see anything. I make the assumption I’d still see shadows or something. But nothing happens inside the garage. They are smart for not moving around in there, I surmise. Eventually, the lights go out. I put this down to the automatic timer, and not the intruder trying to trick me by turning off the lights.

It’s all dark in there. I decide I’ll have to open the garage door and investigate the inside of the garage, otherwise I’ll not be sleeping anytime soon. I press the button and the garage door opens. Nothing rushes out. I almost wish someone would rush out and run away. But no, they’re still in there.

I open the back door, and carefully make my way to the open garage door. Maybe a ten meter walk? It seemingly takes forever. I once again take note of the snow around the yard and the lack of footprints. Even as that sight should calm me, my freak-out is rising once again, with every step I make towards the door.

Finally, I peak into the garage. I see nobody. Just the car taking up its space, and darkness towards the far end of the garage. I stand still for a few moments to see if I sense anything. I assume they could be either crouching in the darkness up there, or they could be secreted away inside the car. I inch my way to the back passenger side door. I put my hand out in preparation of opening it. I can’t see inside the car because of dirt and ice and frost on the windows. I pull my hand back and look for a weapon nearby. I see none, other than a cumbersome snow shovel. Not helpful. I’ll have to use my bare hands, I decide.

I put my hand out to the car door again. I pause. Then, with a speed I did not know I possessed, I grabbed the door handle, opened the door, and looked inside.

Nothing. Nobody.

It’s like a flood of relief poured out of me. Much of the freak-out left my brain. Yes, there still could be someone crouching deep inside the garage, but I no longer was convinced of such.

I stayed quiet and still for a minute, inside the garage, just to make sure I could sense no movement or noise or breathing, other than my own. Satisfied there was nothing there, I pressed the hard-wired button to close the door, and I left the garage.

I look at our back door, and there is Dughall, looking through, looking at me, no doubt wondering if I had lost my marbles. I take it as a good sign, him being there, that he doesn’t sense anyone else in the house. I enter the back porch, pet and love my dog, and relax a bit more. I take my outdoor clothes off, and we enter into the rest of the house.

I am still quite wary. I take my time entering the kitchen, looking around to the other rooms. Dughall, though, trundles right into the living room and looks back to me, waiting, as if things were back to normal, for me to follow him. I do. Nobody is there. Nobody was ever there. Surely that’s the case. I ease my mind a bit more.

Dughall jogs into his crate, as he does at the end of every day, and I close him in for the night. My mind more and more at ease. I take a quick walk around the first floor, just to be sure. Nothing there. I decide I don’t have what I need, emotionally, to take a trip to the basement. If there is someone down there, I decide, they win, and I will willingly let them kill us in our sleep.

“Okay Google, good night”, I say, and the house goes dark. I start up the stairs to the second floor and the bedrooms. I allow my freak-out to rise just enough to let me sense and acknowledge the apparent emptiness of the extra bedrooms and the bathroom, and I then enter our master bedroom. Karyn is asleep.

I get ready for bed, forcing myself to quiet my mind. But before I hop into bed, I take one last look out our bedroom window, which looks out upon our garage door. I look for a minute or so, just peaking through, so as not to be seen. I see nothing and so I get into bed.

I lay awake for some time, again trying to calm my mind and allow myself to fall to sleep.

I finally fall asleep at some point, but only after having this thought run over and over in my head, like counting-sheep: But HOW did the garage door open and close?

Today, I am no closer to knowing the answer. But I don’t see anything missing. I don’t see any evidence of anyone ever being in our garage or house last night. Granted, I haven’t looked in the basement yet today, but I’ll assume everything is okay.

Writing this out today, I had the thought that, in many ways, this is probably how many women spend the entirety of their lives thinking and wondering and worrying about their safety from an assailant. Always expecting and bracing for something bad to happen.

That must be exhausting.

Why spend a weekend, a week, or even the whole two weeks going through all the trouble of vacationing on Prince Edward Island when you can get everything the Island has to offer in one exciting day, without having to leave the mainland?

Soon, for those too busy, or too poor, to afford a vacation to Canada’s smallest province, the Government of New Brunswick, in association with Theatre New Brunswick, Irving Entertainment (Oil), Inc., and Magnetic Hill Company, Inc. (Moncton), plans to offer a unique, entertaining and local alternative: pei Land®!

pei Land® is a high-concept entertainment theme park currently under proposal to the Federal Government, which, when getting the financial go-ahead, promises to celebrate all that is The Prince Edward Island Vacation Experience with all the pizazz and ingenuity that New Brunswick is famous for. pei Land® will increase New Brunswick’s tourism economy, and at the same time, by hiring chronically out-of-work artisans, will lessen the financial burdens of its Social Assistance Programs. With further assistance from the New Brunswick Tourism Bureau and the Canada Employment Center’s numerous and accessible Job Creation Programs, pei Land® will be staffed by professional* actors from Theatre New Brunswick. The staff will be trained as ‘Facsimile Islanders’ through extensive tutelage by anthropology students from UNB (Fredericton), who, as part of their Master’s theses, are already on the Island studying authentic Islanders in their natural habitat.

* professional, by definition, refers to a person who is being paid a fee or wage in exchange for a service. It does not necessarily reflect the talents or abilities of said person.

Along with the “quaint and friendly” Island-like staff, the park will feature numerous authentic ‘Island’ attractions for young and old, similar to those one would expect to experience while on a vacation to Canada’s smallest province. Pei Land® promises to be a truly family-fun oriented facility that guarantees one and all a truly simulated Prince Edward Island experience. And you get all this in one exciting, yet relaxing day at one incredibly low family-value admission price.

pei Land® is expected to be built on a 37 hectare parcel of land conveniently located just 48 kilometers West of Moncton’s famous Magnetic Hill Activity Park. The 37 hectares will be lovingly crafted and sculpted by New Brunswick eco-artist Guy DePressant into his artistic representation of the shape of Prince Edward Island. To ensure a true island experience, the grounds will be surrounded by a 100m wide salt-water mote. Due to Prince Edward Island’s strict Land Use and Erosion Prevention laws which forbid us to transport the actual famous red soil of the Island to the park, Guy DePressant, in league with the engineers at pei Land® plans to embed tons of iron shavings into good old brown New Brunswick earth, and, through a series of complicated oxidation techniques, expects to more-than-adequately simulate the popular Prince Edward Island red-hued soil. Failing that, we will simply paint the dirt red. Also, on the ‘shores’ of pei Land®, while not filled with the actual famous soft Prince Edward Island white beach sand – again, due to Prince Edward Island land use restrictions – our beaches will be, thanks to the ingenuity of M. DePressant, made up entirely of crushed and powdered white and brown dry rice.

By the time it gets the go-ahead, the owners of pei Land® promise that practically all the beautiful, natural aspects of Prince Edward Island will have been studied and diligently simulated in minute detail, to such an extent that even Prince Edward Islanders may not be able to tell the difference. But, of course, the Natural is only one, small aspect of Prince Edward Island, and pei Land®. There’s also the cultural and the man-made attractions.

Now, let’s get into some of the particulars of the attractions themselves. And, as on PEI, there are a lot of them. We’ll do this by describing our vision of a typical day at pei Land®.

After parking your bicycle, car, pick-up truck, camper, or even motorcycle in our spacious parking lot, a pleasant surprise awaits you as you discover that there is no admission price to enter pei Land®. Your fun-packed day immediately begins with the renting a four passenger mini-car (especially designed by a former automotive engineer at the now defunct Bricklin automotive plant), and choosing one of two different entry points to the park: The Caribou, or the Cape Tormentine Entrance, each uniquely different, each uniquely fun!

Caribou Entrance

If you choose the Caribou Entrance, your mini-car is escorted to the very first attraction at pei Land®. This attraction is a tourist participation game that you’ll be excited to play in order to enter pei Land® from Caribou. It is called the Ferry Wait Maze. In this game, all participants are instructed to park their mini-cars, one behind the other, row upon row, in accordance to the decisions of our experienced ‘ferry workers’. As you sit in your car and ‘wait’ for your turn to get on the mini-ferry that will actually take you to pei Land® you will be a-‘Mazed’ at how quickly the time will slip by.

While in the Ferry-Wait Maze, the fun really starts when you take time out to listen to conversations of some of the other ‘waiters’, as they ‘complain’ about the long wait. These ‘waiters’ won’t serve you dinner, but rather, humor. They are, in fact, actors – or rather, Islander Interpreters – so don’t be afraid to laugh at their hilarious tired-of-waiting antics. You can also have fun, while you ‘wait’, by getting out of your car and taking a moment to visit the Caribou Snack Shoppe, where it’s your last chance of the day to buy canned soda pop*; or the Caribou Gift Shoppe, where you can purchase Prince Edward Island-oriented souvenirs, made right here in New Brunswick.** A pei Land® souvenir – such as our unique Olde Fashioned Turn Of The Century Braided Red Hair Doll, a rubber lobster & miniature plastic lobster trap; an authentic life-size plastic lobster trap; plastic potatoes; stones painted to look like potatoes with googly eyes glued on them; or a jar of our sure-to-be-famous Simulated Red Dirt, or Powdered Beach Rice – will be sure to enthrall one and all. But don’t spend too much time (or money!) in the Caribou Gift Shoppe – make sure you keep your ears open for an announcement of the next mini-ferry’s disembarkation time – or else you could lose your place in the Ferry-Wait Maze lineup! What fun!!

*Now that canned soda is available on the real PEI, the Caribou Snack Shoppe will be “closed”, adding to the fun of your ‘wait’. **made in China, but sold in New Brunswick.

Once you finally get to the end of the Ferry-Wait Maze, you may think the fun of waiting has stopped, but of course you would be wrong. Every twenty minutes, a randomized number of park customers will be taken from the Ferry-Wait Maze, and be escorted, again by our trained staff of ex-Marine Atlantic Ferry Workers, to the Ferry Pre-Boarding Terminal, the final waiting stage before you actually get on board the mini-ferry. Here, Lady Luck plays her hand as you look eagerly to see which mini-ferry will take you to pei Land® island. Will you get the mini-ferry designed to resemble the shiny new modern ferry ‘Confederation’ with the huge door that will not close properly, or the rusty old mini-steamer ‘Prince Nova’ where you can still play Asteroids in the video arcade? Either way, the anticipation of getting on a mini-ferry builds as you are held, inexplicably, in the Ferry Pre-Boarding Terminal! And just to keep you on your toes, for extra excitement, we will, once or twice a day, cancel a mini-ferry crossing, totally unannounced! What could be more fun than waiting to get to pei Land® because of an ‘unscheduled’ mini-ferry cancellation!

So far, you’ve spent at least a fun-filled hour in your visit to pei Land® Theme Park, and you’ve not even reached pei Land® island itself. But finally, at last, you’ve made it onto the mini-ferry, for the exciting three minute ride across the 100m mote called ‘L’il Northumberland Strait’. While on the mini-ferry, the fun continues as you attempt to eat at the cafeteria style restaurant, but with the crossing being only a three minute ride, it’s a fun race to see who can get in the cafeteria-line quicker; or maybe you can see one of a handful of colorful pei Land® characters that are a fixture on all mini-ferry crossings, played by the pei Land® stable of TNB actors. Maybe you will sit next to Goober, the Tuber, a truck driver who rides the mini-ferry crossings. Goober is a tired truck driver who tries to make a living driving loads of potatoes to Toronto. When first arriving on the mini-ferry, you may find him asleep, but it doesn’t take much to wake him up. That’s when the G-rated expletives really start to fly from the grumpy Goober, and laughs abound. If you’re lucky, Goober the Tuber might even sing his eponymous song “Goober, the Tuber From the Vivid Crimson Soakened-Dirt. Before long, the mini-ferry ride is over and when you disembark you’ll have finally made it to pei Land® island, where you can immediately join with the other newly-arrived visitors in a Mini-Car Race to Li’l Charlottetown.

Cape Tormentine Entrance

Of course, if you’re just too excited to enjoy the time it takes for the hilarious mini-ferry ride to get to the island of pei Land®, you can choose the Cape Tormentine Entrance where you simply drive your specially designed Bricklin engineered four passenger mini-car on a minute long ride across the bridge we call ‘Li’l Fixed Link’, a miniature replica of the Confederation Bridge to Prince Edward Island. Granted, the drive across the bridge is none too exciting, and the anticipation of getting to the island is lesser than that experienced by riding on the mini-ferry. But the bridge is quicker.

As an incentive to those choosing the Cape Tormentine Entrance, we’ve designed a to-scale model of the first sight you would see when coming off the real Confederation Bridge: the deserted ghost town of Borden-Carleton, Prince Edward Island. Whereas on Prince Edward Island, you’ll naturally choose to drive right past and not bother to stop in this community, we at pei Land® have devised a game that we think will challenge everyone to stop in this ‘one-dead-horse’ town.

Li’l Borden-Carelton is an example of one of pei Land®’s many challenging Tourist Trap Games. Watch as our trained actors put on sad faces to simulate the depressed, impoverished few who still live in the real Borden-Carelton. The object of pei Land®’s Tourist Trap Games is to see how long you can participate in them without it costing you Island-Bucks*. In Li’l Borden-Carelton, how long can you look at them before the pathetic, pleading stares of the ‘Welfare Residents of Li’l Borden-Carelton Players’ force you to stop and buy a trinket from them. Are you strong-willed enough to stop your mini-car, enter the town and walk among them? Be careful; you could get caught forever in this Tourist Trap. And you may want to save your money because there are several more ‘poverty-stricken communities’ to visit and ‘avoid’ all across pei Land®, such as Li’l Georgetown, Li’l Souris, and Li’l Everything West of Summerside.

*Island-Bucks are Loonies and Toonies.

Whether you’ve chosen the Caribou mini-ferry, or the Cape Tormentine Bridge Entrance to pei land®, you’ve finally made it! Now, the whole 37 hectare complex is at your beck and call, and what options do you have? Well, here’s just a few attractions that you will want to visit.

Pei Land® is divided into three counties, Li’l Prince, Li’l Queen’s, and Li’l King’s, and just like the real Island, almost all of our interesting or fun attractions are conveniently and centrally located in Li’l Queen’s. However, if you’re interested in sports for instance, you may want to take a detour, and visit Li’l Summerside, in Li’l Prince County. Here you can get your fill of sports. You can watch the continuously running softball tournament, played by teams of funny monkeys on two miniature fields; or you can view the remote-controlled mini-speedboat races in Li’l Summerside Harbour. And if your ‘wife’ isn’t looking, you could try and secure the companionship of one of Li’l Summerside’s Potato Boat Sex Workers*.

*Actors only. Do not actually traffic in sexual favours. Not even for tips.

Unless you’re a true adventurer, or have come to pei Land® for the simulated scenery, there’s no real sense in traveling any farther West than Li’l Summerside, or even bothering with Li’l King’s County, really. We’ll have purposefully installed no fun, exciting, man-made attractions in these areas in an effort to keep pei Land® as true to a real Prince Edward Island experience as we can. In truth, the vast majority of visitors to pei Land® will want to spend the entirety of their day visiting Li’l Queen’s County’s Li’l Cavendish and/or Li’l Charlottetown, and they will not be disappointed with either.

(The owners of the proposed pei Land® are not just interested making pei Land® an Attraction Mecca and Money Grab. We are aware that we could fill pei Land® with amusements and attractions from Li’l North Cape to Li’l East Point, but we’re dedicated in aiming for integrity and accuracy in our representation of Prince Edward Island.)

Li’l Cavendish

Li’l Cavendish is truly a land of awe and wonder. Here, your enjoyment of the natural simulated beauty of pei Land® can commingle perfectly with your enjoyment of the many fun attractions available. Our beautiful 100m stretch of powdered rice beach will mingle perfectly with the numerous family attractions found in the Li’l Cavendish attraction village. If you choose the fun of finding the rice beach too crowded, or the thrill of rather not paying the beach-admission price, why not wander up The Strip, a stretch of paved road, along which you can stop and play on the numerous mini-golf courses (we promise to have the cheapest mini-golf Green Fees in all of New Brunswick), or visit our all-encompassing attraction village.

Unlike the real Cavendish, where the attractions are spread over a wide area of land, all our Li’l Cavendish attractions are conveniently located in one micro-condensed amusement park that call ‘Admiral Arnold’s All-In-One Adventure Arcade and Outrageous Amusement Park’. Here, for one small admission price, you can see sights and attractions similar in nature to those you would find on a visit to the most popular section of the North Shore of Prince Edward Island: a model replica of a Wright Brothers Aeroplane; to-scale fiberglass reproductions of all seven of the Wonders of the World, including one of the ancient wonders- the Hanging Garden of Babylon; The pei Land® Souvenir T-Shirt Shoppe (we guarantee a fully stocked assortment of T-Shirts of all the teams in the NBA); Wrigley’s Believe It Or Don’t Believe It Museum of Freaks and Oddities and Gum Emporium; Wayne Rostad’s House of Cards and Celebrity Autographs, where you can see replicas of cards of thanks that Wayne has received from people featured on his CBC Television program ‘On The Road Again’, and such famous-person signatures as Bruno Gerussi’s and Wayne Rostad’s; The pei Land® Blue Box Recycling Depot Shoppe, where you can purchase your very own blue box with the pei Land® logo written on it; BOYD’S! School of Cosmetology, where you can get an affordable perm or hairstyle by an actual hair care trainee; or The Cradled On The Waves Native Atlantic Canadian TeePee of Maritime Disasters Museum. This listing is, of course, a sampling. Whether you prefer tacky or tasteful, natural attractions or amusement attractions, you’ll find it all in Li’l Cavendish.

Li’l Charlottetown

In Li’l Charlottetown, the first thing you’ll want to do is go to The Big Concrete Box to watch a play. The Big Concrete Box, built in the same design as The Confederation Centre on Prince Edward Island, will be a forty seat theatre. Due to licensing restrictions, The Big Concrete Box Players will be unable to perform ‘Anne of Green Gables’, or any Lucy Maud Montgomery work, but we feel we’ve come up with something better: New Brunswick playwright Jacques Tobin’s musical-comedy, ‘Aulac A Family’, about a lonely orphan who travels throughout the Maritimes with a circus, and ends up finding true love, friendship and happiness at the Irving Big Stop in Aulac.

The Big Concrete Box Players will also present a Young Company performance three times daily, outside in The Hot Concrete Hole, called ‘Spirit of Prince Edward Island’, celebrating the history and people that helped make Prince Edward Island what it is today. Here you can learn, through moving songs and touching dance numbers, about such Islanders as Hugh McFarlane, who owned the first automobile on P.E.I., and who started an automobile dealership, McFarlane Motors, in 1934, which is still in business today; Adele Gauthier, who lost two sons in World War One; or, Charlie Murphy, the successful Island businessman and entrepreneur, just to name a few.

In The Big Concrete Box Photo & Art Gallery, a permanent photo display entitled, ‘Islanders Away: Islanders Who Left The Island In An Attempt To Make Their Fortune Or Keep Their Sanity’, will celebrate those rogue, brave souls who went ‘off Island’ to try and survive, or even prosper. The gritty photos in the “Alberta Oil Fields” section are particularly moving, as are the historic photos in the section called “Up To Boston”. Perhaps most moving, however, may be the flamboyant photos of those Islanders now living in Toronto and/or Vancouver’s Gay Communities, in the section called “Islanders Out and About!”.

Of course, there’s more to Li’l Charlottetown than The Big Concrete Box. There’s also restaurants. What trip to Prince Edward Island, and likewise pei Land®, would be complete without a taste of lobster and potatoes? You can get them all at pei Land®’s McDonald’s Restaurants, where the McLobster Sandwich is always on menu and fresh-frozen, as are the famous shoestring french fried potatoes, grown right here in New Brunswick.

Before your day in Li’l Charlottetown ends, you’ll have to check out Li’l Province House. This building, a miniature replica of the actual ‘Birthplace of Confederation’ in the real Charlottetown, will most likely be a popular stop for the younger tourists, as they will be able to listen to a pre-taped history lesson describing how the exciting origins of our great country almost happened in Charlottetown. Not only will your vacation to pei Land® be fun, it also promises to be educational. That’s a promise, kids!

Finally, night falls on your visit to pei Land® and, naturally, you’re tired from the fun you’ve had. Before you leave your memorable vacation behind, however, there’s still one more pei Land® attraction you must see: pei Land®’s Nightlife! Now is your chance to go to one of the many liquor stores installed within pei Land® and buy some warm bottles of beer, drink them down in your mini-car before heading off to the Ye Olde Li’l Tradewinds discotheque in Li’l Charlottetown, where you can hear the best of last year’s dance hits, mixed professionally with Creedance Clearwater Revival songs and John Denver’s ‘Thank God I’m A Country Boy’. If you stay long enough at the discotheque, you’ll be rewarded with the witnessing of a fight or two. But don’t worry, these fighters are more than likely our trained actors ‘stage fighting’. Just make sure you don’t make mention of anyone’s “Tignish Teeth”, otherwise you may find yourself embroiled within a wild brawl yourself. After all, the motto of Li’l Tradewinds is “Where There Are No Strangers, Just Friends You Haven’t Beat Up Yet”.

What a full-day of fun you’ll have had! Now all that is left is to leave pei Land® via the bridge and get back to your own car. Just be ready to have your $47.50 Exit Fee ready. Just consider it your Admission to the rest of the world!

Whether you come for the beauty or for the fun, you’ll not be disappointed with your time on pei Land®. Vacationing on ‘the Island’ will have never been easier. Yes, soon Prince Edward Island will seem closer to the rest of the world than ever before- approximately 160 km closer – thanks to pei Land®.

To ensure that pei Land® gets the go ahead from the federal government, we’re asking you to write a letter of support to your local MP and/or MLA.