The Annekenstein Monster

Those who know me may know about my stated desire to assemble a choir of humans to perform a song, some song, using only our voices to imitate all the sounds and instrumentation.  I’ve posted here before some attempts that came close to what I wanted to achieve.

But this video shows pretty much exactly what I was after, sonically speaking.  Yet, after watching the video, I now see the errors of my desire.

To be fair, I think if these people didn’t look like such outright knobs, the results might be much more pleasing. 
As it is, though, their outfits diminish any pleasant feelings I could possibly muster.  Seriously, what’s with the head gear?

Motown night. 
All the niggaz in da house say “Yeah!”

So, yeah, it was Motown night, and Smokey Robinson was the mentor.  Smokey seems like a nice guy (on camera), but didn’t really seem to offer any musical insight for the competitors during the “sing for the mentor” clips, unless “it was perfect, don’t change a thing” can be called musical insight. (Hint: it can’t).
Here’a question:  Why, when introduced, do Randy and Kara enter stage right, and Paula and Simon enter stage left, when they have to criss-cross each other to get to their seats?  It seems to cause them much confusion and bumping-into-each-other, and waste’s time.
But wasting time is what this show excels at.

Onto the performances:
Matt “I Love You Man” Giraurd, (he looks like the guy from “I Love You, Man” is what I’m saying, not that I love him) sang “Let’s Get It On”.  Him at a piano. Singing quite nicely.  Then he gets up from the piano, and the quality of the song goes down hill.  Moving around seemed to cause him a lapse in focus.  So did the “bending down and touching the hands of the girls while I sing” move, which I”ve grown to despise from everyone who does it.  Concentrate on singing the friggin’ song, not on laying your healing hand on the masses.  Matt did a pretty good job, after all was sung and done.  I agree with the judges who consider him a front runner.

Kris “Queer As Folk” Allen (he looks like Hal Sparks is what I’m saying, not that he’s gay) sang “How Sweet It Is”. A pretty good job, him and his guitar, but really a rather unremarkable performance.  That’s what he is good at: unremarkable performances, and that should take him to Top 6 or there-abouts.

Scott “Pink Eye” McIntyre (he’s blind and he wore pink pants is what I’m saying) sang “You Can’t Hurry Love”.  I did not enjoy this performance.  This guy’s got to get out of his head and sing from the heart.  Isn’t that what I said last week?  Do I need to type it in braile?  Jeez!  Come on!  This might sound mean, because he’s blind, but I don’t like looking at his dead eyes as they flutter about the room, trying to find purchase on anything.  I’d be happy to see Scott leave tonight, but he won’t.

And who gave Paula the idea for the joke where she goes under the table because she wants to give Simon something, but it wasn’t a blowjob even though we were all thinking blowjob, and comes up with crayons and colouring books.  Yeah, Simon is childish.  But if you’d friggin’ listen to him instead of villifying every truthful thing he says, you’d be a much better judge, Paula.  Jeez!  Come on!

Megan “what the fuck” Joy (she’s such a what the fuck performer is what I’m saying) sang “For Once In My Life”.  It was awful.  Her problem is threefold: 1) she’s got an interesting voice that always sounds good in the more-intimiate rehearsal clips, but doesn’t transfer well to the big auditorium and with a full band situation; 2) she doesn’t trust herself enough to commit fully to what she’s doing; and 3) beauty will only get her so far.

Anoop “suddenly he’s boring” Desai (he used to be fun and cool and now he’s much less fun and less cool is what I’m saying) sang “Oooh Baby Baby”.  It was good and all, but a little on-the-nose in terms of interpretation. 

Michael “happy to have been in the Top Ten” Sarver (he basically admitted he no longer belongs in the competition is what I’m saying) sang “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg”.  He yelled it, more like.  What was missing from his performance was the passion behind what the lyrics imply (just like Smokey tried to tell him).  He smiley-smiled his way through it and it was not pleasant.  He should be going home tonight.

Lil “you can’t hear me because I’m yelling” Rounds (she yelled the song instead of singing it is what I’m saying) sang “Heat Wave”.  Like the judges said, she has a great voice, but with this song she had no way to show it off.  She came off as being too screamy.  Two not-great performances in a row.  Lil is becoming Lil’ler in my estimation.

Adam “I can be human too” Lambert (he showed that he was more than just the look and style that he’s branded himself as is what I’m saying) sang “tracks of my tears”.  Really great.  I was disappointed because I’ve chosen Adam to be my villain this year.  The judges love him, he has an undeniably impressive voice.  What I detest, though, is his look and his propensity to screech the higher/bigger notes instead of singing them.  But oh what screeching!  Anyway, tonight he brought out a new look, great suit, hair pompadoured nicely, and kept the song well toned down and gentle.  It was great.  Too bad, because I was hoping to pull out the new phrase I may have coined to describe Adam:  He’s an emo donna.  You know, a prima donna, but emo.   Emo Donna…  By far the best performance of the night.

Danny Gokey Jr. (he looks like Robert Downey jr. is what i’m saying) sang “get ready”.  A pretty good performance, but very much typical of what we come to expect from Danny.  Is his high quality consistency starting to become boring? Maybe.

Allison “I sucked my thumb until two years ago” Iraheta (her mouth is shaped liked a thumb-suckers mouth, and she’s so young is what I’m saying) sang “papa was a rolling stone”.  The judges went gaga over this but I was less impressed.  A good performance but kind of stumbly in places, and I found it didn’t really flow together all that well.  I think the judges were pimping her because they really want her to stick around as long as she can so the show doesn’t end up to be just a dick-wagging experience.

Adam was best by far.  Followed by Anoop, Danny, Matt and Allison.

I expect Michael will be leaving tonight, but won’t be surprised if Scott or Megan get the boot instead.

When the zombies came for the slow and stupid,
I remained silent;
I was not slow and stupid.

Then the zombies ate up the brains of the horny college kids out for a weekend of camping,
I remained silent;
I was not a horny college kid out for a weekend of camping.

Then the zombies came for the homeless,
I did not fight back;
I was not homeless.

Then they came for my neighbours,
I did not fight back;
I was not my neighbour.

When the zombies came for me,
there was no one left to fight back for me and the zombies ate my brains.
Now I am a zombie.

Yes, it’s called Cat Shit One, and it looks awesomely effed up!
Oh, those Japanese.

Every day, Plinky emails me a topic for discussion, in order to increase blog entries. Today the question is "what 5 things do you want to do before you die. Fill out your bucket list".
So that's what I'm doing today.

Get a Passport and use it
We need to start traveling. Of course, debt is, and has been, keeping that from happening. But someday the debt will be gone, and then the traveling will start.

Do that One-Man Show
Oh yeah, then the real bucks will be flowing in. No more of this sharing the box office 6 ways crap. When I do put on my one-man show, someone will have to talk me out of performing the "Tinkering With My Hog" sketch. Because I'll fight like hell to have it in my show.

Buy a new guitar
I'd like a new guitar. One that would compel me to write more songs and actually perform them somewhere, in public. Yeah, so either "buy a new guitar", or I'd accept "be given a new guitar by some benevolent arts benefactor".

Write a kid's book
I'd like to write some fun, cool book that kids and adults would like, but mostly kids. And adults. I think I have some sort of series of kid's stories in me.

Touch a dolphin, and an elephant
This is pretty self-explanatory, right?

Here’s a new video for a new song from my friend Moe Gorman.

Country night is always an “ugh” for me.  I like country music, but only the more-acoustic heartfealt singer-songwriter kind of country music.  The crap they play on the radio does very little for me.  Unfortunately, those are the kinds of songs these AI performers tend to choose.

Last night’s performances almost entirely were ‘ugh’.  Tough night to watch.  Here’s how it went down.

Micheal Sarver went first and sang some kind of upbeat rockin’ country song, the kind of country song I don’t enjoy.  Kind of like Elvis Costello’s “Pump It Up” without any of the passion.  No, wait, that’d be Billy Joel’s “I Didn’t Start The Fire”.  Last night’s song was like an inferior countrified version of Billy Joel’s song.  How did he do?  Well, when one of the positive comments from the judges is “wow, you remembered a lot of words”, it doesn’t bode well.  I thought it was a stumbly, kind of lazy performance, even though it was “high energy”.  In general, he performed without confidence, and it showed.

Allison Iraheta sang some song and, like last week, made it sound like Heart.  I don’t like Heart. I don’t heart Heart. She sang well enough, but her personality is starting to bug me more every time I see her.  Last week, Kara told someone they could sing the phone book.  This week she told Allison she could sing the alphabet.  Next week, mark my words, she’ll tell someone they can sing a song.  Whatever.

Kris Allen sang some kind of ballad.  He got rid of the guitar, which is a good thing, and just sat on a stool and belted it out.  A pretty good performance of an unremarkable song.

Lil Rounds sang a song I was aware of, Independence Day.  I don’t like the song.  I didn’t really care for Lil’s rendition of it.  I don’t care.  What I do care about is Simon refusing to believe that Lil’s name could be short for Lilly, instead of short for Little, which is what he ignorantly calls her again and again.  Also, Lil, shut up and take your You Didn’t Do As Well As You Should Have medicine from the judges. 

Adam Lambert sang Ring Of Fire.  I HATED it.  My wife said she hoped one of the judges would call it out for being self-indulgent and sure enough, our boy Simon said it was “absolute indulgent rubbish”.  Perfect!  Yay Simon!!  Really, I don’t like what Adam is all about.  Yes, he has a crazy-flexible voice, but he’s such a product.  UGH.

Scott MacIntyre sang some song at the piano.  I was in the kitchen making toast and peanut butter, but what I heard sounded boring and dull.  I think Scott’s problem is he’s too in-his-head with his songs and has to find a way to get what’s in-his-heart out.  I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence.  I think Scott’s blindness is wearing out it’s charm.  He needs to kick it up a few notches next week.  Funny, two weeks ago, Paula and the rest of the judges said they couldn’t wait to hear Scott sing when he got to accompany himself on the piano.  That’s when his true talent would take off. This week, Paula says Scott’s using the piano as a crutch.  Paula is stoopid.

Alexis Grace sang Dolly Parton’s Jolene.  It was okay.  She seemed to get bored of it half way through.  I hate the way the judges pidgeon-hole Alexis as the dirty girl.  As much as she’s good at those down and dirty kinds of songs, it made me sad to hear her plead that if she’s still around next week, she’ll make sure to be really dirty. 

Danny Gokey sang “Jesus Take the Wheel”.  What a stupid song.  I hate treacly inspiration songs like this.  First of all, I hate the premise.  Jesus shouldn’t take the wheel.  If anything, Jesus should give you the strength to be able to take the wheel yourself.  Danny’s performance was okay.  Started out weak and got better when the song itself got more charged.  But what a rotten song.  ugh.

Anoop Desai sang “Always On My Mind”.  According to the judges, he blew it out of the ballpark.  While it was definitely his best performance so far, and maybe the best so far of the night, it wasn’t as good as they insisted it was.  They do that a lot, these judges (except Simon, who shows great restraint usually).  Good job, Anoop.  Saved yourself.  Jesus Take The Vocal Chords.  Just don’t forget to have fun up there on that stage, buddy, okay?

Megan Joy sang “Walkin’ After Midnight”.  When they showed the clip of her practicing it in front of guest star Randy Travis, this song sounded great.  I was expecting it to be a super-quirky version.  The reality of it is, though, that it was another Nervous Megan performance.  Not nearly as good as the Travis clip showed it could be.  But still much better than recent performances.  She’s got an unusual aura about her, this Megan.  I like her, but fear her quirkiness will be her downfall.  Dammit, the very thing that makes her great will be the thing that destroys her!

Matt Giraud sang some ballady type song at the piano.  My appreciation of Matt’s talents have grown immeasurably over the past two weeks.  I thought he was the best of the bunch this week.  He’s a rising star, Ed McMahon!

Best of the night:  Matt followed by Anoop.

In danger: Michael sang first and wasn’t very good.  Never good. He’s in danger.  Scott should be too, but his blindness may get him another week yet.  Megan, while doing a good job, will always be in danger, I fear.  But the judges reminding us, over and over and over that she is sick this week should get her enough pity votes to keep her around.

Kind of absurd, short, funny stories and observations. by Simon Rich, who is, the book jacket tells us, a writer for Saturday Night Live. But don't hold that against him.

My friend Moe Gorman was on Ocean 100 last Monday, singing a new song.  Here’s a video that Moe made for the song.

An American Idol post.

So, Jasmine (is that her name?) and Jorge are booted.  No big loss.  He was my least favourite male performer and she was pretty to look at, but not ready for the competition.

The big revelation of the night was the new rule:  This season, the judges will have one, and only one, chance to nullify the vote of the Idiotic Masses of America.  If, some night this season, the fans vote out someone the judges unanimously (ie., if Simon thinks so) think shouldn’t be voted out, that person gets a stay of execution and nobody is voted out that week.  The next week, two people will be voted out (the two lowest vote-getters of that week).

I guess that’s an okay rule.  But what it does, everyone discovered last night, is that it causes the person getting the vote to be humiliated twice.

Humilation #1:
Ryan:  And the person going home is… Lowest Votegetter!  So sorry.

then, humiliation #2:
Ryan: Well, judges, are you going to use your veto power and keep Lowest Votegetter in the competition for at least one more week?

Judges: No.  You’re not worth saving.

Stab, and then STAB.  That’s harsh.