Chakra Con

Everyone knows it:  Paula Abdul is worthless as an American Idol judge.  Everyone knows the things she says are without value. When she declares two performances from last night as "brilliant", well, that’s all the proof anyone needs.  She seems incapable of offering critical opinion that would be seen as negative, I suppose for fear of damaging the Idles delicate burgeoning egos. She sees it as being supportive, I guess, but it’s not at all.  The Idles need to be critiqued, they need to learn how to improve.  On those rare instances when Paula considers a performance weak, the worst she’ll do for an Idle is to tell them they had a really pretty smile, a beautiful aura or some other chakra bullshit.
Randy is not much better.  At least he’ll allow the possibility that a performance wasn’t good.  But he only has about three different ways of making that point.  "It was pitchy" "it didn’t do it for me dude" and the "it was aiight" concession.  His criticisms have become worthless too, because they no longer mean anything.
Thank Goodness for Simon.  He usually is spot on with what was wrong with a performance and he’s not afraid to speak his mind.  Yes, sometimes he’s too blunt, and yes, everyone makes him out to be the villain, but in truth he’s the only one who matters.

How was last night’s performances?  The theme was Musicals and again, I was amazed at the generally poor choice in song that most made.  But perhaps it’s not the choice in song so much as it is the arrangements that they sing.  Last night, the band seemed to be rather overpowering, making it difficult for many singers to highlight their, well, singing.
The standout, easily and surprisingly, was Constantine.  He absolutely nailed his song.  Yes the sex-eyes making love to the camera pout has got to stop, but this week and last he was really good.  I thought Nadia did a good job last night (although she left my wife feeling empty).
Anthony was awful (was always awful, will always be awful and needs to be the next to go), Scott was not very good either, but both looked good.  Nikko, I just don’t like.  Bo was Bo-ring.  The BlondeCountryGirl did a really good impersonation of a singer, Vonzell looks so pretty but her singing is vaccuous.  And is there another female I’m not remembering?  If so, then she likely didn’t do a memorable job. No, wait, it’s Anwar.  He was, again, technically good but a poor choice of song.
The biggest problem with this batch of singers is that, generally, they have a really difficult time feeling the songs they sing.  It’s all Paint By Numbers singing.  They more or less hit the right notes, but there’s no soul behind the notes.
Tonight’s Bottom Three: Anthony, Anwar and Nadia.  Not because I think Anwar or Nadia deserve to be there, but because America seems to want to get rid of them.

Anthony will go (this choice is based more on my need for him to go, and not on America’s opinion, since they seem to ignore his lack of talent and focus rather on his cute factor)

8 Comments

  1. I totally agree. We like to guess in our home how drunk Paula is on any given night. Or how many pills she may have popped. Last night two things indicated her extreme drunkenness:
    1. Barbara is Barbara and Vonzell is Vonzell…
    (Thank you for that Paula. Very very moving. And not at all obvious).
    2. Her casual glances at Simon’s crotch. Something we imagine in the home or truth? Who knows or cares. It helps us deal with her insanity.

    I do, however, have to take issue with your mild insults to my future husband, Constantine. His smoldering looks and great smiles have me giggling in my seat and giddily unable to be still. If he were to stop singing and smiling directly at me, I don’t know if I could carry on.

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  2. The choices those kids made for songs only makes me feel more strongly in the value of managers. Someone to impose some taste until they are mature enough to have some of their own.
    Constantine reminds me of that Darryl Hammond impression of Bill Clinton from SNL. You know the one where he gives that lascivious look and bites his lower lip. Constantine’s twinkle is pre-fab charming like that.
    That poor little bastard singing “Climb every mountain”…I felt bad even watching that. Too bad that boy doesn’t have the gene for camp.

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  3. Me Scott from Idol. Me mad people make fun of me. Puny humans. Me destroy you all. Me like to eat shreddies and popcorn. Me sensitive. Me kill!
    Vote for me.

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  4. I think Paula is on drugs. Especially last week she seemed really spaced out and giddy. She could have been drunk on Smirnoff Ice or Wine Spritzers, too.

    What amazes me is not that they try to be nice so as not to hurt the contestants’ feelings, its how terribly inarticulate they are. Simon is clearly sometimes left speechless by the poor performances, but the other 2 are just stupid (or stoned). Can’t they get some judges that can express a range of assessment?

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  5. I agree with the above posts. I’m wondering if Randy & Paula are just getting bored. They seem to have run out of things to say. I don’t remember it being this bad for the first couple of seasons. I agree that they should get some fresh judges.

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