Now here’s a hot-button topic: patronage.
As the sole member of my very own Bridal Shower Party, I’ll fully admit that our party does not yet have a firm stance on the issue of patronage. But here’s what I’m promising to do: I’m going to hire two of my brothers and a couple of my cousins to look into it. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Wait, that’s patronage right there!” And you’re right. It is patronage. But, honestly, how else can one really get an understanding of an issue unless he immerses himself in it? To my knowledge, nobody in my family or circle of acquaintances has ever received a job based on their political affiliation. In that respect, I, and my family are not only ignorant to the inner-workings of patronage, but, in all honesty, we’re due.
I don’t *want* to hire two of my brothers and a couple of my cousins to look into this very complicated, very deeply routed issue. Honestly, none of them are qualified in any way to lead an investigation into anything other than “what’s in the fridge?”. But I feel I *have* to hire them. And, no, it’s not just so they’ll get off my back about getting them jobs. But, let me tell them right here and now: You can stop calling the house at all hours looking for hand-outs!
Once they report back to me on the issue, then I’ll make our party’s patronage policy public. If it turns out that patronage really is a good thing for the majority of voting Islanders, and the Bridal Shower Party does end up endorsing it, here’s something to keep in mind: With me being the very first BS Party member of the Legislature, the BS Party Patronage Wagon is totally Open Season. We have all kinds of appointments and jobs that will need filling, and since we’re new, we have no incumbents.
So, keep this in mind: A Vote For Rob Is A Vote For Your Own Patronage Job!!