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Country night is always an “ugh” for me.  I like country music, but only the more-acoustic heartfealt singer-songwriter kind of country music.  The crap they play on the radio does very little for me.  Unfortunately, those are the kinds of songs these AI performers tend to choose.

Last night’s performances almost entirely were ‘ugh’.  Tough night to watch.  Here’s how it went down.

Micheal Sarver went first and sang some kind of upbeat rockin’ country song, the kind of country song I don’t enjoy.  Kind of like Elvis Costello’s “Pump It Up” without any of the passion.  No, wait, that’d be Billy Joel’s “I Didn’t Start The Fire”.  Last night’s song was like an inferior countrified version of Billy Joel’s song.  How did he do?  Well, when one of the positive comments from the judges is “wow, you remembered a lot of words”, it doesn’t bode well.  I thought it was a stumbly, kind of lazy performance, even though it was “high energy”.  In general, he performed without confidence, and it showed.

Allison Iraheta sang some song and, like last week, made it sound like Heart.  I don’t like Heart. I don’t heart Heart. She sang well enough, but her personality is starting to bug me more every time I see her.  Last week, Kara told someone they could sing the phone book.  This week she told Allison she could sing the alphabet.  Next week, mark my words, she’ll tell someone they can sing a song.  Whatever.

Kris Allen sang some kind of ballad.  He got rid of the guitar, which is a good thing, and just sat on a stool and belted it out.  A pretty good performance of an unremarkable song.

Lil Rounds sang a song I was aware of, Independence Day.  I don’t like the song.  I didn’t really care for Lil’s rendition of it.  I don’t care.  What I do care about is Simon refusing to believe that Lil’s name could be short for Lilly, instead of short for Little, which is what he ignorantly calls her again and again.  Also, Lil, shut up and take your You Didn’t Do As Well As You Should Have medicine from the judges. 

Adam Lambert sang Ring Of Fire.  I HATED it.  My wife said she hoped one of the judges would call it out for being self-indulgent and sure enough, our boy Simon said it was “absolute indulgent rubbish”.  Perfect!  Yay Simon!!  Really, I don’t like what Adam is all about.  Yes, he has a crazy-flexible voice, but he’s such a product.  UGH.

Scott MacIntyre sang some song at the piano.  I was in the kitchen making toast and peanut butter, but what I heard sounded boring and dull.  I think Scott’s problem is he’s too in-his-head with his songs and has to find a way to get what’s in-his-heart out.  I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence.  I think Scott’s blindness is wearing out it’s charm.  He needs to kick it up a few notches next week.  Funny, two weeks ago, Paula and the rest of the judges said they couldn’t wait to hear Scott sing when he got to accompany himself on the piano.  That’s when his true talent would take off. This week, Paula says Scott’s using the piano as a crutch.  Paula is stoopid.

Alexis Grace sang Dolly Parton’s Jolene.  It was okay.  She seemed to get bored of it half way through.  I hate the way the judges pidgeon-hole Alexis as the dirty girl.  As much as she’s good at those down and dirty kinds of songs, it made me sad to hear her plead that if she’s still around next week, she’ll make sure to be really dirty. 

Danny Gokey sang “Jesus Take the Wheel”.  What a stupid song.  I hate treacly inspiration songs like this.  First of all, I hate the premise.  Jesus shouldn’t take the wheel.  If anything, Jesus should give you the strength to be able to take the wheel yourself.  Danny’s performance was okay.  Started out weak and got better when the song itself got more charged.  But what a rotten song.  ugh.

Anoop Desai sang “Always On My Mind”.  According to the judges, he blew it out of the ballpark.  While it was definitely his best performance so far, and maybe the best so far of the night, it wasn’t as good as they insisted it was.  They do that a lot, these judges (except Simon, who shows great restraint usually).  Good job, Anoop.  Saved yourself.  Jesus Take The Vocal Chords.  Just don’t forget to have fun up there on that stage, buddy, okay?

Megan Joy sang “Walkin’ After Midnight”.  When they showed the clip of her practicing it in front of guest star Randy Travis, this song sounded great.  I was expecting it to be a super-quirky version.  The reality of it is, though, that it was another Nervous Megan performance.  Not nearly as good as the Travis clip showed it could be.  But still much better than recent performances.  She’s got an unusual aura about her, this Megan.  I like her, but fear her quirkiness will be her downfall.  Dammit, the very thing that makes her great will be the thing that destroys her!

Matt Giraud sang some ballady type song at the piano.  My appreciation of Matt’s talents have grown immeasurably over the past two weeks.  I thought he was the best of the bunch this week.  He’s a rising star, Ed McMahon!

Best of the night:  Matt followed by Anoop.

In danger: Michael sang first and wasn’t very good.  Never good. He’s in danger.  Scott should be too, but his blindness may get him another week yet.  Megan, while doing a good job, will always be in danger, I fear.  But the judges reminding us, over and over and over that she is sick this week should get her enough pity votes to keep her around.

Kind of absurd, short, funny stories and observations. by Simon Rich, who is, the book jacket tells us, a writer for Saturday Night Live. But don't hold that against him.

My friend Moe Gorman was on Ocean 100 last Monday, singing a new song.  Here’s a video that Moe made for the song.

An American Idol post.

So, Jasmine (is that her name?) and Jorge are booted.  No big loss.  He was my least favourite male performer and she was pretty to look at, but not ready for the competition.

The big revelation of the night was the new rule:  This season, the judges will have one, and only one, chance to nullify the vote of the Idiotic Masses of America.  If, some night this season, the fans vote out someone the judges unanimously (ie., if Simon thinks so) think shouldn’t be voted out, that person gets a stay of execution and nobody is voted out that week.  The next week, two people will be voted out (the two lowest vote-getters of that week).

I guess that’s an okay rule.  But what it does, everyone discovered last night, is that it causes the person getting the vote to be humiliated twice.

Humilation #1:
Ryan:  And the person going home is… Lowest Votegetter!  So sorry.

then, humiliation #2:
Ryan: Well, judges, are you going to use your veto power and keep Lowest Votegetter in the competition for at least one more week?

Judges: No.  You’re not worth saving.

Stab, and then STAB.  That’s harsh.

Let’s see how far I get in reviewing the show this season.  Such a long season.  And last night was such a long show, despite a pile of pretty competent singers.  Here goes:

Quote of the night:
Simon (to the blind guy): It’s okay to be artistic.  Just not on this show.

That is perfect.

It was Michael Jackson night.  I never knew there were so many MJ songs I didn’t know.  Most of the contestants played it smart and didn’t try to tackle any of the Super-Size MJ hits.

Lil Rounds, “The Way You Make Me Feel”: Lil has a great voice, super stage presence, a big booty and bouncy chest skins and seems totally in control of what she’s presenting.  She’s the entire package, as they say.  Her performance was competent but not spectacular.

Scott, the Blind Guy, “Keep the Faith”: Seated at the piano is his comfort zone.  Too bad his vocals weren’t the best.  Not terrible, just not all that great.  But he’s blind, and inspiring (so Kara keeps reminding us), so no worries.  And I’ll keep calling him the blind guy until they stop making his blindness his main identifier.

Danny Downey Jr., “PYT”: When I see him, I see Robert Downey Jr., and that works in Danny’s favour. Like the rest of the world, I really like Danny.  Simon nailed it when he said it was a fantastic vocal, but the physicality of Danny was all over the place.  But it didn’t matter, because the guy oozes passion and honesty.  I feel sad for the day (it may be coming sooner than I like) when I’ve had enough of his personality.

Michael “the Labourer” Sarver, “You Are Not Alone”: He works on an oil rig, you know. He, too, showed a lot of passion, and a surprisingly strong vocal.  But he seemed to be trying to hard to express that passion.  I fear he’s too forgettable a lovable bear.  Nice guy, good voice, but not remarkable enough to make it all the way.

Jasmine Murray, “I’ll Be There”:  I’m having a Dickens of a time trying to remember who this person is, and how she performed.  Just to be clear, that’s not a good sign.

Kris “CutiePie” Allen, “Remember the Time”: I didn’t like this very much.  The guitar playing seemed to get in the way of the singing.  Like Simon said, it’s a song that isn’t built for guitar accompaniment.  Apparently the young girls (and by that I mean Paula) find him cute, though, so he’ll likely be around for a while.

Allison “forever pegged to be this year’s Rocker Chick” Iraheta, “Give Into Me”: She’s a great singer, but I fear her ADD mouth is going to get her into trouble before the season is out.  Just Learn To Shut It, Allison.  Don’t speak, just sing.

Anoop “Slumdog Idol” Desai, “Beat It”: I’m rooting for Anoop.  He seems like a fun, hiddenly-hip kind of preppy kid.  But bad, bad song choice.  He’s the only one on the night to take on one of Michael’s untouchable songs.  In fact, this might be the only untouchable MJ song.  I was going to say Billie Jean, but I think you could at least take Billie Jean in a different way (making it a slower, acoustic type of deal), but Beat It is hard to alter.  The vocal isn’t one to showcase a voice, as it’s almost a talk-sing kind of six or seven note range.  Anoop didn’t do himself any favours.  I hope his personality keeps him around beyond this week.  I’m fearful though.

Jorge “I Don’t Need No Steenking Judges” Nunez, “Never Can Say Goodbye”: My least favourite performance of the night.  Boring and old.

Megan Joy, “Rockin’ Robin”:  I was dumb-founded by this song choice.  It’s such a generic old-time rock song.  Still, there were moments where Megan was able to bring more to it and made it (for moments at least) almost unique and interesting.  While she’s certainly nice to look at, I found it hard to watch Megan perform this because she seemed somehow at odds with it.  At times she looked like she was lost, other times like she knew it was a big mistake to pick this song.  And her physicality was pretty iffy, like a baby pony just learning to walk, at times.  She’s got a very interesting sound and look to her, though, and I hope she makes it through.  Such an odd song choice, though, so I don’t know.

Adam Lambert, “Black or White”: Here’s what I don’t like about Adam Lambert:  His look seems too carefully crafted.  He’s a cross between Axl Rose, Robert Smith of The Cure, and a Jonas Brother.  Ugh.  No doubt about it, the boy can sing (although I don’t like the way it sounds like he’s screeching at times, a la Axl), and yes, he owns the stage.  But, I don’t know, he’s just too… bred to be an idol.

Matt “How I Met Your Idol” Giraud, “Human Nature”: He reminds me of Jason Segal from HIMYM.  I was really pleasantly surprised by his performance.  I thought it was pretty good. Enough for me to switch from “who is this guy?” to “hope I see more of this guy”.

Alexis “Is This Show Still On?” Grace, “Dirty Diana”: It seemed like everyone, Alexis included, just wanted the show to be over.  She did a pretty good job on this, but had the misfortune of going last and getting the judges “we were told we need to be brief” comments.  Plus she had the misfortune of being forced to go with the non-sequential telephone/text number.  Hope those things don’t screw her in the voting, because I like seeing and hearing her.

My favourite of the night was Danny Downey Jr.
Least favourite was Jorge.

I expect that the show-altering twist will be that the bottom-three will be announced, and then the judges decide which one goes home.  Or, in the case of tonight, which two go home.

Really, it could be anyone going home, other than Lil, Danny and Adam.  Because, like Simon said, it’s not so much about the artistry, this show.  It’s more about popularity.  And who knows who The Idiotic Masses of America are sweet on with this group.

There’s a collection of 3 foamy snowmen displayed in the Confederation Court Mall in Charlottetown.
It was pointed out to me yesterday that one of them looks eerily like Darlene, the Coat Hanger Lady. 
Today I took my camera to work to snap a picture at lunch. 
Here it is.

and from a bit farther away:

Just as our lunch ended today, DaveS and I were contemplating what items would be on a kindergartner’s Bucket List.  You know, that shitty movie the list a person makes of things they’d like to do before they kick the bucket.

So, if you went to a kindergarten and asked the kids there to each name, say, five things they’d want to do before they die, what do you think would show up on the lists?

I find it hilarious to think of a bunch of five-year old kids having to contemplate the concept of death.

My kindergartner’s Bucket List:

1) have a turtle as a pet
2) MORE ICE CREAM!!!
3) marry my kindergarten teacher
4) watch Tippy and Binoo all day along
5) catch and eat a tiger

What items do you think a kindergartner’s bucket list would have?

I watched a couple of movies over the weekend.

First up was Wanted.

You know, that movie about the bullets that can bend around a slab of pork about people who can shoot bullets so they bend around a slab of pork.  It was awful.  Just preposterous as all get out.  Now, I can suspend my disbelief with the best of them, but <spoiler> that scene where the train falls down the chasm was ridiculous.  Almost as foolish as the bullet Angelina Jolie uses to kill about 6 people.  She shoots it in a long, wide circle around a room.  It goes through 5 or 6 people’s heads before winding up in her own brain.  That is some magic bullet.

The plot was idiotic, too.  Am I wrong, but could the whole thing have been resolved with a phone call?
<spoiler>
– Hello?
– Hi, I’m the assasin who you’re trying to kill.  They told you I killed your father, but get this, Luke:  I am your father.
– Seriously?
– Seriously.  So, don’t try and kill me okay.  I think Hoke has been driving you towards a false conclusion.  See, he’s the bad guy.
– Really, Morgan Freeman is the bad guy?  But he always plays good guys. Wow, what a surprise!  He and his posse went through all the trouble of training me in 6 weeks to be the best assasin ever, explicitly so that I would kill you, because they knew you would never kill your own son who you abandoned when I was just 7 days old.  I get it!  Hey, thanks for the heads up… Dad.
– No probs.

Shitty movie.

The other crappy movie I watched was Zack & Miri Make A Porno. 

I had some hope for this movie, but it ended up being shit as well.  There were a couple of funny scenes, but for the most part it got really boring really quickly.  It was like a script that Judd Apatow would poop out of his bum.  But it was Kevin Smith, right?  The performances were all pretty good, but god that dialogue was painful to listen to.  Isn’t that kind of the opposite of typical Kevin Smith movies?
Am I wrong or could the whole thing have been resolved by a phone call?
<spoiler>
– Hello?
– Hey Rob, don’t watch this movie. You won’t like it.
– Who is this please?
– Doesn’t matter.
– Okay.  Hey, thanks for the heads up… Dad.
– No probs.

Tuesday night, parents with children at urban schools threatened with closure had their turn to speak as PEI’s Eastern School District continued consultations on a plan to close 11 schools.
Next week, it will be the deceased parents of long-dead students who will get a chance to speak their minds regarding the debate over closing smaller schools across the island.
“I’m going to go right up to the magic voice-amplification stick,” says Sarah McGuigan, dead, who went to the Heatherdale school from 1888-1892, “and I’m going to tell them how important it is to keep Heatherdale school open. What do you expect us to do, go to the big two-room school-house in Kinross?”
When told that Heatherdale school has been closed for decades, McGuigan replied, “I’m sorry, I don’t hear so good.  My ears are dead too.  Could you repeat that?”

“Think of 15 albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of musically shaped your world. When you finish, tag 15 others, including me. Make sure you copy and paste this part so they know the drill. Get the idea now? Good. Tag, you’re it!”

I got tagged by Dave Stewart, who got picked by Michelle McCallum.

Here’s mine, then, in a rough cronological order.  Also, inexplicably, some must-haves, like Prince and The Police, are not in the list:

The Beatles – 1962-1965 & 1967-1970
I got into music because John Lennon died.  I listened to music before that, but it was more or less just background noise; not integral to who I was, or who I’d become.  After Lennon died, that all changed.  My mom bought me Double Fantasy soon after he died, and that album led me directly to The Beatles.  I bought the two double-album compilations, known as The Red Album and The Blue Album.  But for the longest time, I only had the Red Album, which featured their earlier songs (which is probably why I am drawn to their early stuff).   I remember driving home from a skiing trip to Campbellton with my best friend Paul and his older brother David.  I Wanna Hold Your Hand came on the radio and I expressed my appreciation for the song.  David dismissed it as fluff pop (and dismissed The Beatles in general) and I argued strongly against his position.  It was the first time I had ever put forth MY opinion on music.  My love and appreciation of The Beatles continues to this day, and I unwaveringly call them my favourite band.  Sorry David, but you were wrong.

Tom Waits – Asylum Years
I think Tom Waits was my first personal-discovery artist. I heard The Piano Has Been Drinkiing on CBC Radio at my friend Wade’s house.  I remember the moment as if it was today.  It was like nothing I had heard before, and I loved it.  I soon ran out (probably to Sam’s on the corner of Kent and University) and bought The Asylum Years, a Waits compilation double album, which had the song on it.  I instantly fell in love with Tom Waits’ music, and played the LPs forever.  I remember telling my friend Colin Kennefic (whose musical tastes I respected) about this new-to-me artist, and he scoffed at it.  I was a bit hurt and more surprised that he would so easily dismiss Tom Waits, without even hearing him.  Turns out he thought I was talking about John Waite’s (“Missing You”).  Granted, if I was talking about Waite, I would have deserved the scorn.  Once Colin heard Tom Waits, he too was smitten.

The Clash – The Clash
I discovered 70’s punk just after 70’s punk was dead.  When I heard this album, my first punk experience I think, I knew it would be important to me.  Despite being a good boy, I knew I had a bit of that anti-establishment attitude buried deep within me, and was glad to let a bit of it sneak out into the world.  I absorbed as much punk as Sam The Record Man could deliver to me.  This album, because it was my first punk album, is the one I consider the most important to me.  I am not one to label people as “hero” or “genius”, but Joe Strummer is right there at the top of the list of people I don’t know who have had a big impact on my life.  One of his last songs, Coma Girl, is one of my favourite songs.  I miss him

My Aim Is True – Elvis Costello
Wow.  What an album!  Short songs.  Powerful songs.  Personal songs.  Punk, but like it was written by a poet.  An angry poet.  A short review, in honour of the songs on the album.

Hank Williams – 20 Greatest Hits
It seems compilation albums are the way I discover new music.  It had a bright yellow cover with black and white photos of this old-timey guy.  His voice sounded like he was 80 years old, but he was only young.  He sang about hardships and heartaches, and apparently he had plenty of that.  He got kicked off the Grand Ole Opry, so he had some of that punk attitude too.  Awesome songs.  Who cares that they were “country”, because it turns out, just like Marie, I was a little bit country.  Turns out, my father was a fan of Hank too, and we bonded a bit over our mutual admiration.  Hank let me feel cool about liking country music.  But only “good” country music.  Bad country music is the worst music ever.  Worse than Hammond Organ music.

R.E.M. – Reckoning
My friend Nick Grant turned me onto these guys.  I can still remember the exact intersection (corner of Prince and Fitzroy, turning left onto Fitzroy) the car was when the first song came through the cassette deck.  It was such a bright musical moment for me.  Back in the early 80’s, their jingle, jangle rural rock sound was pretty unique and exciting, compared to the rest of the stuff being released, so that was very appealing.  So was the voice of the lead singer, and the fact that you couldn’t really make out the words he was singing, but you figured it had to be profound.  This was, at the time, the one band, more than any other, that I hoped and prayed would never “sell out”, would never become mass-popular.  Oh well.

Violent Femmes – Violent Femmes
I immediately fell in love with this album.  Acoustic music?  Stand up bass?  Bare to the bone production? And that trembling voice.  These songs sounded so honest to me.   To hell with you, Duran Duran, I just found the sound I was born to love.  I got kicked out of CIMN (UPEI’s radio station) for playing the Violent Femmes. I played a song in which they swore the eff word.  See, the thing is, it was my first day as DJ, and nobody was there to teach me how to work the panel.  Turns out I didn’t turn on my mic to speak, so what people heard was a song… then silence as I spoke in the studio, thinking the mic was on… then another song… etc.  Once I found that out, I got mad and played the Violent Femmes.  “Why can’t I get just one fuck?”  Someone heard it, complained, and I was kicked out of the radio group the next day.  It was a proud moment.

They Might Be Giants – They Might Be Giants
The trick to appreciating TMBG albums, according to me: Listen to the new album you just bought.  Totally hate it.  Come back to it in a month or two and you’ll discover you have to play it over and over and over again because you totally love it.  These guys create wonderfully weird songs, each seemingly a different genre or style from the previous.  I appreciate that they are funny and entertaining and seemingly nonsensical while still being excellent musicians.

Soundtrack to “Grease”
For months after I saw the movie, my friend Wade and I choreographed our own routines to the album in his bedroom/den.  That’s all I’m gonna say about that.

Loudon Wainwright III – Career Moves
I love Loudon Wainwright III.  Love, love, love.  I love the way he can have you laughing with one line in a song, and then on the verge of tears with the very next line in the same song.  Great writer and performer.  This album is a live concert recording of many of his bigger songs.  He is what I would like to be if I was ever to be a professional musician.  Except I’d rather not be such a shit to my family as he seems to be in his songs.

The Beat – I Just Can’t Help It & The Specials – Specials
I don’t know which album had more of an impact
on me so I’m listing both as one.  I discovered both at almost exactly the same time.  British 80’s Ska had a profound impact on me.  Not so much politically, but oh man was it fun to dance to.  Ska from later periods seems to be so much less fun than the music from this era.  Remember when that band (was it The Hopping Penguins?) came to The Barn and they played a bunch of cool ska songs?  Mirror in the Bathroom never fails to make me happy.  Therefore I will say The Beat is the winner between the two.

George Jone – Anniversary: Ten Years of Hits
Sinatra called George Jones America’s second best singer.  Holy smokes can this guy turn a phrase.  So many phenomenal songs on this compilation album.  I remember the exact moment, the exact location, the exact sights and smells the first time I heard “He Stopped Loving Her Today”.  I totally got sucked into that song: I felt so bad that he spent so much of his life missing the woman; so happy that he was finally able not to cry over her; then having that bomb dropped on me that he wasn’t crying anymore, that he was all dressed up to go away because <spoiler>  he. was. dead.  Seriously, go listen to some George Jones.  Awesome.

XTC – English Settlement
By far the best relatively unknown (to North Americans) band ever.  I am amazed that these guys never got big here.  Seriously crazy-good pop songs.  Is “Senses Working Overtime” the best pop song ever…?

Pixies – Doolittle
…No, it might not be the best pop song ever.  I think that might have to be “Debaser”.  Seque to:  I love The Pixies!  Dave Stewart got me into this music, bless his soul.

Stompin’ Tom Connors – Bud the Spud
I’m a bit embarrassed to admit how much of an impact Stompin’ Tom has had on me.  Other than local bands, he’s the only musician I’ve seen in concert more than once.  Last time I saw him, I cried a few times.  I cry for his sincerity, his honesty, his patriotism.  He’s another one of those people who aren’t punk but who have that attitude.  I think Dennis Trainor would make a kick-ass Stompin’ Tom.