Chicken Finger Update

Today:
a huge heaping helping of fries
and
6, yes, six, fingers.  Large fingers.
Server:  The Guy

Bit The Seabiscuit

You all had better sit down.

I just read a report in the "Movie News" section of my MyWay homepage: Horse That Played Seabiscuit in Film Dies

Now, I know this is a shock to you, but after reading the report, I can tell you that it’s not as doom and gloom as it seems.  See, the dead horse I Two Step Too, was merely one of ten horses to play the part of Seabiscuit.  So, we still have nine of the Seabiscuit actors left.  Still, though, a tough way to start our day, huh?
I did some research and came across a transcript of an upcoming segment of The Actor’s Studio.  The following are excerpts from that interview, the final interview that I Two Step Too gave.

James Lipton:  We now come to that career-defining moment in your life.  Seabiscuit.
(Audience applauds)
James:  Were you surprised to be one of ten actors chosen to play the title character?
I Two Step Too:  Neigh.

James:  I understand you are a big fan of that wonderful, gloriious TV series The Wonder Years.  Who was your favorite character?
I Two Step Too:  Winnie.

James: …my hero, Bernard Pivot…I Two Step Too, if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say upon your arrival?
I Two Step Too:  (stomps front hoof four times)
James:  Well said.  I give you your students.

Goodbye, Seabiscuit horse number three.  May we someday meet up over a bottle of Elmers, as I build a popsicle stick dish.

What Are You?

I’m a monstrous fruitcake who likes to discover buffalo.

What are you?

Cluck Cluck Cluck Cluck…and Cluck

This week’s Chicken Finger Conspiracy Update:

Today, the guy served and he gave me 5 Huge chicken fingers.  Not so many fries, though.  Hmmm.

Added intrigue:  I didn’t have to place my order.  He just said "Chicken, right."  I nodded.  Later, he tried guessing my finger sauce: "Sweet and Sour sauce?" he asked.  "No", I said, "Honey" I added.  Whether he took the "honey" the way it was intended, I don’t know. But he did say "Right. Guess I should know that by now."  I replied, so coyly:  "Sometimes I like to mix it up."   I can’t wait til he tells the girl about that.  Surely that will fire up her jealousy and garner me five fingers from her next time she serves me.  (and it’s true, about the mixing it up.  The time before last time, I got Sweet’n’Sour sauce.  Last time I got No Sauce.  Today, honey.)

Lorty Lorty Look Who’s Forty Times Two


 

On this date in 1925, my father was born.  Today he is 80.  I wonder if his parents had any idea of what a wonderful, solid man he would become.  Whatever dreams and hopes they had for him, I expect he’s outshone them all.
In 1947, when this picture was taken, my dad was just embarking on adult life.  He’d be married a year later and a father not too long after that. 
I didn’t meet him until 1965, when he was 40 (the age I am now), and only in the last 15 years have I come to "know" him and appreciate what a great influence he’s been on me.  My experiences with my father have been almost exclusively happy and pleasant.  He’s taught me innumberable things in innumberable ways, comforted me always and has always been a shining example of what a good father should be.
Growing up I was always amazed that my father knew how to fix pretty much anything that needed fixing in our home (except eggs over easy) and I am amazed that he still is able to keep his home in excellent working order. 
Whatever goodness and humanity I have, I learned it by seeing it continually practiced by my parents.  They both are my example of what kindness and goodness should be.
I wonder if my father considers his life thus far to a successful one.  All I know is that if I make it to 80 years of age and there is even one person in that future world who has the amount of respect and admiration for me that I presently have for my father, then I’ll consider my life to be a great success.  The greatest thing he’s taught me is to be the example of that which you’d like others to be.
It likely sounds foolish and a bit grandiose to say, but my dad is my hero.   I want to be just like him.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

The Nation We Want To Be

Here is an excellent speech, by our Prime Minister, given to the House on Wednesday, on the issue of same-sex marriage.
Whomever wrote it deserves kudos.  Very smart and straightforward.
Read it, why don’tcha?

Two Degrees of Separation from Nomi Malone


Annekenstein – American Tourists   Poor quality photo


In the first year of Annekenstein, we were priveleged to have Rick Roberts as a writer and actor.  In one of the scenes, I kissed him (as seen in photo above).  Even though I haven’t seen him since, and we only spent a summer together, I consider him a friend, and enjoy any successes he has in the entertainment industry.  He is also my main ‘in’ when I try to figure out my degrees of separation from famous people.

This weekend, I watched most of  the TV movie Student Seduction, starring Elizabeth Berkley of Showgirls Infamy.  Rick was in that movie as Elizabeth’s husband, and had a bedroom scene where he kisses her.

Rob kissing Rick kissing Elizabeth…

So, in a way, I kissed Elizabeth Berkley.  I feel so dirty.

The movie, by the way, wasn’t very good.  Bad script, but I thought  the acting was okay.  Rick, I biasedly feel, did a great job playing the supportive, caring husband.  Not much there to do, really, but  he did it well.

And Do You Take This Tampon…?

The Man Whom God Himself Has Chosen To Rule The English is marrying Camilla Parker Bowles.  Raise your hands, who here will be getting up at 4:30am to watch the wedding?
I won’t, but I am guessing this will occur at the wedding:  The question will be asked, "Does anyone here have any reason why these two should not be wed?", all heads in attendance will first turn to Queen Elizabeth, who will subtly shake her head, long ago having given up trying to separate the two lovebirds.  Then heads will turn to that Dodi Fayed’s father, who will be too busy writing in his Big Book Of Conspiracies to raise his 4003 objections.  Finally, all heads will turn to the People of Great Britain, hoping they don’t pick this moment to say "The Monarchy is Bollocks!!" as the Commoners begin to take away the titles, castles and jewellery.  But the People of Britain won’t choose this moment to take up arms against The Royals, and a collective sigh of relief will be heard in the church.
Then, just as everyone turns back to the front, and the ceremony is about to continue, Princess Dead (she wasn’t dead after all!) will appear in the balcony at the back of the church, pounding on the Common-Folk-Repelling plexiglass window (the same strength plexiglass that the Pope uses in his Pope-Mobile), screaming "J’accuse!!!"
In the ensuing melee and craziness, Elton John will try to temper the crowd by beginning his one-time-only performance of  "England Bowles", his latest lyrical alteration to England’s Rose (which, only he knows, he’d also sing this summer when he opens the National Lawn Bowling Championships).
The roof of the church will then flip off, and a hot air balloon will be hovering overhead.  From the balloon’s bucket, Michael Jackson’s chimp Bubbles will motion for Charles and Camilla to ascend the Golden Rope of Scrutiny to the balloon and freedom.  Debating whether to do that, or listen to the second verse of Elton’s song (nervous about his recent Knighthood and how that would have him fair in the upcoming uprising, Elton would mis-sing the second verse, singing "England Blows!!"), they decide to climb the rope to the waiting chimp.
Camilla goes first, followed closely by Charles.  As he climbs the rope he looks up, and being provided a clear view up Camilla’s dress, sees she is not wearing any panties (and since Charles is wearing a Prince-Cam, the entire viewing audience also can see this spectacle).  Here, suddenly, he silently regrets that "I wish I was your tampon" line from a decade ago.
They climb in the balloon and Bubbles sails them off to freedom, never to be seen again.  Princess Dead turns out to have been a mass-hallucination, but Papa Fayed is unconvinced.  The Archbishop of Canterbury, who was presiding over the ceremony, asks if there’s "anyone here who’s gonna get hitched today, dammit!"  And if not, will he still get paid?
Baby-Spice stands up and declares that she’ll "marry anyone with a ten inch schlong. Right here, right now!", but sadly, nobody in attendance meets the requirement.
Right at this moment, a high-school student, angry that Baby-Spice demands a full ten inches, presses the button that begins the mechanism that revolves the floor, revealing the Thames that flows under the church.   The two QE’s (Queen Elizabeth and Queen Elton) are the first into the water, and having their blessing, everyone else jumps in too.

No, I’ll not bother watching.  See one wedding, you’ve seen them all.

Madly On

I just found out that Sketch 22 will be on CBC Radio 1’s Madly Off In All Directions this Sunday, Feb.13. 

In Charlottetown, it airs at 1pm.   I cannot tell you when it airs in your part of the world.  Well, I could, I suppose, if you told me where you lived, and if I took the time to find out, firstly, if CBC radio even  broadcasts to your area, and secondly, if Madly Off is part of the schedule for your area.  But I choose not to offer that service.  So, I will change my statement to this:  I choose not to tell you when it airs in your part of the world.  Unless, of course, you live in the same part of the world as I do, that being the Maritime provinces of Canada, in which case I’ve already told you.  So, I’ll change my statement to the following:  I choose not to offer any more information than this:  Sketch 22 will be on CBC Radio’s Madly Off In All Directions, for many, but not necessarily all, people who are able to receive the station and the program, this Sunday, Feb.13.  If your radio is on (and plugged in, and your home/apartment/vehicle has power) at the appropriate time, and is tuned to the correst frequency, and if you listen to it, you will be able to hear it.

Assuming that you’re not deaf.

Schedule your Sunday around it.

But I Only *Kissed* The Ass!!!

The Ayatollah’s Book of Etiquette

Number 2,631:  It is loathsome to eat the meat of a horse, a mule, or a donkey if someone has had coitus with the animal.

Graham, this would have been good to know BEFORE we went to that Beastiality, Butchery & BBQ party the other night, don’t you think?