The Audition Report

Sketch22 held auditions this weekend for a new castmember for this summer’s production.  After it was all done, 17 brave people were wrung through our audition process.  A pretty good number, I think.
Before the weekend, I was a little worried that the vast majority of the auditioners would be, shall we say, less than qualified.  I expected that, for the most of them, it would be apparent, by the time they left, that they wouldn’t be right for the group.  I thought that if we had 2 or 3 people from whom we could legitimately decide, we’d be doing great.
In fact, quite the opposite happened.  Out of the 17 auditioners, I’d say maybe only 5 or so didn’t have what we were looking for.  Of the other dozen or so, it’s going to be really difficult to settle upon a consensus pick.  About a quarter of the auditioners were female, which was fantastic.  And even more fantastic, they were, for the most part, really strong.   Many of them had a prepared monologue to show us, some of them wrote their own.  All were very impressive.  Boy, it’s gonna be hard.   I think our task now is to try and agree upon maybe a top 3 or 4 of the dozen or so who really impressed us.
It won’t be an easy task, narrowing it down to 3.  And even tougher to choose that one actor whom  we hope will join us this summer.

Stay tuned, because, you know, this decision could affect your lives.

Paula Abdul Tells Police She Was Assaulted

Yeah, I thought AI’s “Country Week” was pretty horrible, but not to the point where a judge would want to press charges.

Okay, here’s the real story.  Argued with a guy at a private party, grabbed her arm, threw her against a wall, she claims she sustained a concussion and spinal injuries.
I think it was her dealer.  She was a couple of weeks late in paying for her supply of pills.  You know, the ones that make her all “you are a wondrous waterfall of butterflies when you sing” and causes her to hear badly sung notes as if they are on pitch.  So, Dealer gets a little rough with her, doesn’t give her this week’s supply.  That’s why she was so much more willing, this week, to actually criticize the contestants.  Did anyone else notice that?  She seemed much more cognizant and more willing to be honestly critical.
There, that’s my theory.

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The Annekenstein Monster Daily Trivia

I cannot believe the number of letters and emails I’ve received asking me to set up a daily trivia contest here at The Annekenstein Monster.  An unbelievable None in the last month alone.

Anyway, I was made aware of this site, and how one could set up one’s own trivia game, so that’s what I did.
You can play The Annekenstein Monster Daily Trivia here.  I’ve also added a link on the side of the blog here.  You do have to sign up to the site, but it doesn’t look like your email gets harvested for spam, or anything like that.

It’s pretty good, I guess, as far as online trivia goes.  Random trivia, daily. Answer questions as fast as you can, because faster answering reaps more points.  Keeps track of month-long scores, so, you know, you can beat me both daily and monthly.
One thing to note:  Apparently, each player each day receives different questions.  In other words, if 5 people play my trivia game today, each of the 5 would receive 10 different questions from each other.  So, some days, you might get easier questions and others get harder questions, but I assume it all equals out over the long haul.
And I know how into the long haul you all are.

So, play it or not. Play it daily, to ensure your monthly scores are as high as possible. Hopefully it’ll catch on and we can have some impersonal fun together.

Just Like The US Army – We Want You!

Seriously, if you’re kind of contemplating whether or not you should audition for Sketch22 this summer, stop contemplating and just do it.  Fifteen minutes, in and out.   You never know what might happen, and you just might be the one who gets to be part of what should be a crazy-fun summer of sketch comedy.
We’re holding auditions this weekend, but you need to contact Jason – jason@sketch22.ca – to set up a time.  You don’t have to have anything prepared (but if you do, all the better), because we have some sides for you to read.
Just like the US Army, We Want You.  Only, you know, it would be best if you didn’t bomb.

Our Shiavoed Dryer

Yesterday, our dryer went on life support.  It was no longer functioning as a dryer should.  We suspected internal damage, perhaps beyond repair.  The washer, which has been “married” (but only common-law) to the dryer for maybe 30 years or more, wanted us to unplug her so she could die a natural death.
We couldn’t do that.  We still had hope upon hope that there was life yet in the old girl; that she might come out of the coma and once again dry our clothes the way she used to.  So soft and fluffy.  And warm.  We couldn’t let her go.  The washer said it’s done (calling her “it” – so cold.  And damp) It was an impasse.
So, there we were, last night, the washer was on one side of her, with a full load of damp clothes, already ready to move on to a more modern and attractive model of dryer.  I couldn’t believe its cold-hearted detachment.  I mean, what is the washer?  A machine!?  They spent 30 years together, washing and drying in harmony.  However it turned out, I knew that I would forever hate that bastard washer from here on.  I spent the entire night, on the other side of our darling dryer, sitting vigil, occasionally wiping it off with a fresh Bounce sheet.  I just knew she had some life left in her.
Here’s a picture of our princess.  See how her mouth is still open, as if she’s wanting to accept damp clothes:

Finally, after an arduous night, the decision was made to call in an appliance doctor and we agreed we’d both abide by his suggested course of action.  After a delicate operation, the doctor discovered that her heater was no longer functioning and while there was still power coursing through her, in her current state, she was no longer capable of functioning as a normal dryer.  He then said something very hurtful:  “As it is now, it’s basically just a big metal piece of garbage.  Or art, I suppose.”
I reminded him just how attached we were to the dryer, and that’s when the appliance doctor said he could try and replace the damaged heater for another one (if he even had the proper replacement organ), but couldn’t guarantee how long, if at all, she’d continue to work again.
We were 100% in favour of the operation, and the washer, too, reluctantly agreed that is was worth a shot.  So, after the appliance doctor discovered that he did indeed have a proper replacement heater, he went down to the basement to perform the operation.  After a gruelling, heart-wrenching 30 minutes, I heard the dryer start!  Was it heating?, I wondered.  Every step up the basement steps I heard the appliance doctor come, I knew it brought me one step closer to either wonderful or tragic news.
Finally, he came through the basement door.
“All done,” he said oh-so casually.
“The heater working?” I asked, trying to hide my true, desperate emotions.
“Looks like it.  Hard to say how long it’ll last, though”.
Music To My Ears.  As he began to tell me of another dryer he recently revived, I couldn’t help but think:  Whether it’s only one more day of drying damp clothes, or another 30 years, I’m going to treasure every moment I have with that appliance.
So, there you go.  Praying does work.
And for those of you who thought Terry Shiavo was merely a mindless shell of a human, I offer you this story as proof that one never knows what is going on inside the mind of a machine.  Or a vegetable.  Except, well, you know.  Probably nothing.  Because machines don’t have minds, per se.  And vegetables, whether human or actual vegetables, don’t think.

Worst Episode Ever

Last night’s American Idol was terrible.
The singing was almost universally uninspired.   I cannot remember one performance in which I was impressed.   Taylor was screechy and bland.  Mandisa belted well enough, but the song choice was awful. Ace came close to being good, but failed on a number of attempts to sustain those wispy, heartfealt notes.  Elliott started off a bit rocky (he always starts off rocky) and never really gained his confidence (not that he ever seems to have any).   Paris seemed nervous and unsure of herself and it resulted in, perhaps, her worst performance to date.  Chris did an okay job on his song, but I ultimately was bored by it.  Katharine, too, did okay with her song, but I did not like the song at all.  Kellie performed well enough to stick around for another week I think.  She was, as the panellists informed us, “in her comfort zone” and performed well-enough on yet another song that I hated.  Interesting, too, was Ryan getting her to admit that, yes, she is that dumb.   Bucky was supposed to be in his comfort zone too, but I thought his performance was terrible.
The judges/Ryan were in some weird World of Pettiness.  Usually that can be good for a moment or two, but last night it just seemed ugly.  The whole night seemed like visiting a home where you know everybody had just been fighting, but they’re pretending to be cordial, but can’t help slipping in jabs at each other, and it makes everyone uncomfortable.  Was it a failed attempt to inject some drama into a night that the producers perhaps suspected (rightly) wouldn’t have any drama from the performers?  Or is there real animosity between some of these people?
Simon, more and more each week, looks like he’d rather be elsewhere.  Some of his looks imply to me “I can’t believe how incredibly stunned and stupid and infantile you people are.” 
Anyway, a very uninspired night.
Bottom Three:  Bucky, Katharine, Kellie

Bucky will be leaving the show this week.

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But I’ve Seen Everything

Season 1 of Ricky Gervais’ newest comedy is over and done and old news, but I just found this video of one of the funnier scenes from the whole series.
Patrick Stewart makes perfect fun of himself.

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My April Fool’s Joke On You All

Oh my god, did you hear the news?  Well-Known Celebrity died last night.  That is so sad.  And I was so looking forward to Well-Known Celbrity’s upcoming movie and/or song and/or book  (okay, well, not book, because, seriously, how many authors can be classified as a W-K C?)
Sorry I don’t have a direct link to the news item, but I’m sure if you look on the front page of any news website, you’ll find out all the details.  Apparently, it was a drug overdose, which is so unexpected coming from Well-Known Celebrity because of all the charity work s/he’s done.

Okay, can’t keep it up any longer!  You guys are all so pwned!!!  I made it up!  Well-Known Celebrity isn’t dead at all!!  Ha Ha!!  Ummm, do you remember what day it is today?  It’s April First, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day.  And I can definitely say that YOU are the fool for being hooked into believing such a ludicrous story.  As if Well-Known Celebrity would ever die from a drug overdose.

Huh?  Whattyamean I “gave the joke away in the post’s title”?

Oh.  Shit.  Guess the joke’s on me then, isn’t it.  There, you happy now?  With that superior, contemptible, pitious look on your face right now.  Yeah, okay, laugh at me.  I don’t care.  You always were such an asshole!

Huh?  Whattyamean I “can delete and change the title of the post before I click on the ‘Publish’ button”?  What Publish button?  Oh, you mean *this* Publish button.  And you’re saying I should click on it?  Okay, if you say so…

Sketch22 Auditions

Sketch22 is looking for an actor to be part of our show this summer in Charlottetown.  To help us in that search, we are holding auditions in the very near future.

Our requirements are that the person be over the age of 19, be available for performances Thursday and Friday evenings July 6-Sept.8, as well as available for rehearsals prior to the production run.  We are interested in both male and female actors.  Being funny is a plus.

If you want to audition, send an email to jason@sketch22.ca and he’ll set you up with a time.

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Rob Picks Idols’ Songs

Based on a comment from Steverino in my post on last night’s American Idol, I’m going to pick ten songs that I think the Idols should have sung.  Of course, the songs I pick may not be feasible, from a “palatable to the public”, but more of a fantasy “if they had the same taste as me” thing.  And, as an added bonus, I’m going to post some of the more interesting songs I choose (at least until my monthly bandwidth disappears).

For Chris, I’d like him to expand his repetoire away from the moody Creed/Nickleback crap.  I’d still like him to rock out, of course, and that’s why I’d have him sing The Pixie’s “Debaser”.  He would absolutely wail on that.  A song choice like that, of course, would never happen.

One that I could actually imagine happening, if I stretch my imagination thin enough, is the song choice I pick for Taylor.  His song choices are pretty good, generally speaking (apart from the atrocious Buddy Holly rendition last week).  I’ll keep him very much within his comfort zone, and go with a John Hiatt song.  I think he’d be great singing any of Hiatt’s songs, but I think he would blow the world away with  his version of “Have A Little Faith In Me”.  Oh, I can just imagine it.

I think Paris can sing pretty much anything.  Or, maybe she’s just really smart at picking what she can sing.  Anyway, I’d like to see her punch, right in the nuts, all those stubs who tell her not to be grown up, to not show her sexuality.  To Paris, I give “Kiss” by Prince.  My, would she ever have fun with that.  Why, I think we’d see Randy blush.

Mandisa is a mystery to me.  I don’t know what suits her, really.  After this week’s stunt, though, she needs a week where she sings a good song well.  She doesn’t have to blast the vocals out of the park, like she tried to do this week.  She just has to remind us that she has a fantastic voice.  To do this, I’ll give her “Constant Craving” by kd lang.

Elliott needs to pick songs that are a bit easier to sing.  He seems to always choose songs (or arranges them in a way) that are tough to sing.  He needs to be soulful and contemporary.  That’s why I pick “Laura” by Scissor Sisters for him.  Not too challenging, vocally, but a song that he could really get into and would really rock the joint.

Bucky, I have a great song for you.  Now, at first you’re gonna mumble how it’s not a country song, but friend, country ain’t workin’ for you.  Or, rather, you’re not workin’ the country.  You need a week where you show us that you belong here.  You need to step out of the country and nail a good vocal.  I am giving you “Tempted” by Squeeze.  I swear to goodness, if you have any talent, and if you do anything close to a good job on this song, you will be my hero.

Kellie, for you I was tempted to give you the song “Oh, Good Grief” by Vince Guaraldi (he of “Peanuts” music fame).  Since you’re likely (playing) too dense to get the joke, Kellie, I’ll tell you.  It’s an instrumental.  Get it?  I think your singing is so unintersting, the only thing that would improve it is if you didn’t sing.  You do a great job of playing dumb, but it’s time to smarten up.  Now, of course, we can’t handle a sudden shift in your personality, so I think “Polyester Bride” by Liz Phair will be the perfect song to start you on the road to being grown up.

Okay, I’m tired.  I can’t be bothered to come up with songs for Ace, Katharine or Lisa.  What songs would you give them?