Author Archives: Rob MacD

I just realised that my CAAIQ (Caring About American Idol Quotient) is inversely proportionate to the number of contestants still involved in the show.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m still interested.  I still watch.  But, as the numbers dwindle (there are, for only a few more hours, still five contestants left), my apathy as to who wins increases.  Of course, at the beginning of each season, I still don’t care who wins, but I do have to admit that my CAAIQ is at least two points higher (with a 3.4 +/- accuracy rating).
Each week, it seems, it dawns on me with more clarity just how unlikely it’d be that I’d ever buy (or even illegally download) an album from any of these people.  None of the remaining contestants, I don’t think, would produce music that would come close to my tastes in music.  That goes for every contestant whoever appeared.
So, with little care in my heart, here I go with my somewhat-weekly diagnosis of the week’s performances and my choice of odds-on favourites to leave the competition.

Two songs each, last night.  Sometimes I think to myself, I should grab a pen and pencil (or get a laptop) and write down song choices, and thoughts as they came to me while I watched.  But that would seem too much like work, so no thanks.  I’ll do that when somebody approaches me with money to write these worthless weekly wrapups.  That is to say, I’ll not ever do that.

Elliott – I’m sorry, Elliott, but I don’t know if your name has one or two ‘l’s or one or two ‘t’s… I go with two of each.  I gotta say, Elllllliottttt has really turned it up a couple of notches the past couple of weeks.  Last night, I thought he was the strongest in terms of being consistently good with both songs.  His vocals have really seemed to improve, mostly, I think, due to increased confidence.  Or at least the appearance of increased confidence.  I still think his looks will ultimately fail him, as will Ryan’s propensity to Jewify the pronunciation of his last name.  It might very well be the way it’s pronounced, but I think The Ignorant Heartland of Ammurika would prefer Jewish names to be pronounced more like “Smith”.  At this point in the competition, the fickle audience is looking for any reason to oust a competitor, and two plausible exit-strategies for Elliott are 1) his poor dental work and rather cro-magnon forehead, and 2) the pronunciation of his last name.  Number two wouldn’t be an issue if Ryan (whose “Seacrest” is no doubt an Ammurikanized variation on Seacrestenberg) would pronounce it “YA-min” instead of “yah-MEAN”.  His singing has grown on me over the past couple of weeks.  His personality, not so much.  Yet it is growing.

Paris – I believe a number of weeks ago, I wrote a post suggesting that Paris sing Prince’s “Kiss”, to really ruffle the “keep her a 16 year old virgin forever” puritans out there.  Last night, she sang it.  If my post had anything to do with her choosing it, I apologize to everyone.  I thought it was terrible.  She  took everything great about the song (the sexiness, the naughtiness, the purpleness) and blanderized it.  Maybe it was the arrangement.  No, it was Paris.  Her second song was no better.  I think the pressure’s getting to her.  She’s trying too hard at not trying too hard.

Chris – Speaking of trying too hard. Chris, buddy, you gotta open up your heart and let the sun shine in, friend.  You sing from a very dark place.  Admittedly, you sing really well from that dark place, but man, are you ever getting boring with your serious attitude.  Song One you knocked the socks off it.  Song Two you sang too hard and in so doing, exposed the weakness in your talent.  You give it all you have, from the throat up, but you give your songs no soul, which lies deeper.  (Ugh on me for writing that sentence).  Seriously, dude, you probably deserve to win, but man, lighten up.

Katharine – I realised last night what it is about her that keeps me from embracing her as much as everyone else.  She reminds me of Catherine Zita Jones Douglas.  She’s got the same stature as the woman Michael Douglas has sex with.  Her closeups reveal the same sheen and glimmer of just-too-much makeup that CZJD has.  Mind you, if she reminded me of a pre-Douglas Catherine Zita Jones, then all bets off, she wins my heart.  But, the Michael-Douglas era Catherine has an aura of smirch about her.  And so does this Katharine.  Nope, can’t root for her.  And once I made that Zita Jones connection, the performance of her songs became irrelevant to me.  I think, though, that her songs were rather ordinary. Nothing to write home about.

Taylor – Taylor has got to stop dancing and trying to force his goofy, jokey sensibilities on Ammurika.  Yeah he loves to sing, yeah he has a great voice, yeah he’s passionate about it all, yeah he doesn’t mind looking the fool expressing himself… all these things should add up to a winning guy.  But they don’t.  Because of the dancing.  Because in that dancing, he shows us just how much (as Simon truthed it) he looks like anyguy at anywedding.  And, he’s not strong with upbeat songs, I don’t think.  When he does those, he becomes a moderate talent.  But when he sings soulful and bluesy, like he did on “Something”, well, it’s like he’s another person altogether.  I really enjoyed his rendition of that song, and thought it only lacked due to the necessary brevity of its arrangement.

The five, in order of their performance last night:

Elliott
Chris
Taylor
Katharine
Paris

I think Paris will go tonight.  At the beginning of the competition, I would have thought she was a sure Top Three candidate, but the last few weeks, she’s been slipping quite a bit in both the quality of her performances, and in the number of votes she gets, comparitively.
If not Paris, then I can see anyone else, except Chris, leaving.  I would only be surprised tonight, if Chris leaves.

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