You can see it in his eyes. He now thinks he is something. And I blame you, Randy and Paula.
I’m talking about the 16 year old American Idol contestant Kevin Covais. He’s a deer-in-the-headlights dweeb with a weak voice who somehow managed to make it to the final 12, and inexplicably survived through last night’s first top-12 elimination (he wasn’t even in the “Bottom Three”!!!). The “somehow managed”, though, isn’t such a mystery to my eyes. The AI producers saw early on that this guy was their joke contestant. The go-to guy, good for a few laughs, the odd funny line, and willing to play along and make fun of his own funny looks and nebbishness. You could practically see the producers rubbing the Endearing Glue on his back, tossing him on the Big Map Of America and seeing if anything sticks. Well, he stuck. Only problem is, he can’t sing. Not a bit. He’s terrible, in fact. But that doesn’t matter, because America Lervs him.
Well, enough of America loves him to keep him in the competition for at least another week, despite being unquestionably the worst singer of the bunch. He’s miles worse than anyone else still competing. No, I fear that Shitty Kevin Covais will last through at least a couple more weeks.
Normally, I wouldn’t care (and truthfully, I don’t, except in that totally meaningless superficial “who wore the best gown at the Oscars” kind of way), except that I see a disturbance in the Endearing Force of Kevin Covais. Now, he is starting to believe the hype. You can see it in his eyes. No, of course he doesn’t believe the claims that he’s a legitimate sex-symbol. Everyone gets that joke, even him. But, I’m afraid that he’s starting to believe that he actually belongs in this competition. That he’s on par, vocally, with the rest of the competition.. Kevin…honey… you’re not.
I blame, of course, the producers for letting the joke go this far. I blame Randy and Paula for never really questioning his vocal talents and only commenting on how much they like his performing-monkey antics. Well, Paula I can’t blame, because, well, who can blame the rainbow that bursts within your heart? She’s the joke judge, so naturally she’s beyond blame.
It’s “shame shame” on Randy, though, for playing along with the charade. Man, he’s so frustrating, Randy is, because he seems like he should have better sense than he displays, but he continues to side with Paula. And, yes, there is his general lack of ability to communicate a complete thought, but we can forgive him that. We can’t forgive him his decisions to side with Paula, all for the sake of “making Simon the bad guy”. Too bad, Randy, that by willingly doing so, you are tarnishing any position of respect you’ve earned. I know why he does it though, why he sides with Paula. He’s a huge delicate bubble of a man, you see, and everytime he venture into the negative constructive criticism world, the “boos” of the audience are like pin-pricks on him, and his soul bursts. He simply cannot handle people not liking him. So, he lies, and says exactly what the audience wants to hear. Or rather, he bullshits himself through all of his criticisms so that it really doesn’t matter what he says, since it doesn’t really make sense.
Back to Shitty Kevin Covais. The only one who refuses the play the game is Simon. He’s the only one who ever comments on Kevin’s lack of singing chops. And while I expect the audience to boo him for it, I get angry when Randy and Paula complain about his speaking the truth. I hate it when Ryan calls him out on it, too, because Ryan calls him out on exactly the wrong reasons. Ryan always claims that Simon never gives constructive criticism, but in fact, Simon is usually the only one who does so. Anyway, that bugs me.
And, now, I blame Kevin, too, for his part in the charade of his participation. Because, now he is believing he’s deserving. You can see it in his eyes. He’s believing he belongs.
And he so doesn’t belong.
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!! I hate this show so much!!!!
Can’t wait for next week!
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